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5th ProZ.com Translation Contest

Romanian to English


Finalists:7

Source text:

Pe vremuri (hei, hei, nu chiar pe când cu descălecarea lui Mihai la Alba-Iulia!), exista în Cluj o stradă numită Amurg (notaţi: nu „Amurgului”, Amurg). Întotdeauna mi-a plăcut acest nume de stradă; mi se părea ciudat, aparte, straniu, poetic, „punător pe gânduri”. Numele îmi plăcea, strada nu. Nici nu prea avea ce să-ţi placă. O stradă plină de absenţe. Copleşită de absenţe. Adică, de ajungeai pe-acolo, puteai fi sigur că nu vei întâlni pe nimeni (poate câte o gospodină în capot, care trecea alături, la altă gospodină îmbrăcată în capotul ei, sau, potrivit anotimpului, în combinezon; cam atât). De prin curţi te mai lătra câte un câine care ţinea să se afle în treabă. Culmea (fireşte, depinde din ce sens o luai) strada ducea înspre... amurg. Nici după ce am aflat că pe această stradă a locuit (în gazdă) nevastă-mea, pe când nu era (nevastă-mea), dar era studentă.
Ce, naiba, puteai căuta pe strada asta!?! Ni-mic. Nimic. Nu tu prăvălii, nu tu o crâşmă, cât despre firme, pe-atunci, nici vorbă. („Pe-atunci” = în urmă cu vreo, pardon, 30-40 de ani, adică acum cam 1500 de zile; vă daţi seama? 36.000 de ore! Minute? O mulţime.) Aşadar: ce puteai căuta pe strada asta? Neamuri (nu era cazul meu), gagici (n-am văzut), frumuseţi arhitectonice (nici vorbă), umbra copacilor de pe trotuar (nu erau, nici trotuar nu prea era)... atunci, ce? Ori, în mod obligatoriu (de pildă dacă erai poştaş, miliţian sau executor judecătoresc – iarăşi nu era cazul meu), ori de-a nebun (era cazul meu). Adică, încerc să explic:
Atât de altcumva era strada asta încât de multe ori, de multe ori, m-am dus pe-acolo (şi, zău, aveam cam 1/3 din anii mei de astăzi) doar ca să păşesc dinspre levant spre amurg, sau dinspre amurg spre răsărit. Nu avea nici o importanţă.


Tudor Ionescu, „Amurgul pierdut”, published in „Tribuna” (issue 120, 1-15 September 2007)


Entry #2924 - Points: 24 - WINNER!
Monika Silea
A long long time ago (well, not quite since Mihai entered stately the citadel of Alba Iulia!) in Cluj, there was a street named Sunset (note, not “Of the Setting Sun”, but plain Sunset). I always liked the name of the street; it seemed somehow odd, peculiar, strange, poetic, “thought-provoking”. I did like the name, though not the street. Well, there wasn't anything to like at all. A street of complete absence, flooded in absence. That is, once you got there, you were sure not to run into Show full text

bobe
Loved: "flooded in absence', "wrapped in her gown", this street took you towards, taverns.
Maria Diaconu
Wonderful! Felicitări, Monika!
bobe
Congratulations, Monika !!
Antonia Toth
Felicitări, meriţi!
Bianca Fogarasi
Felicitări, Monika, you were my 1st choice as well!
Ioana Costache
Felicitări, Monika! :)
Valentin Cirdei
Congrats ! :)
Mihaela Ghiuzeli
Felicitari, Monika !
Entry #3100 - Points: 16
Valentin Cirdei
Ages ago (not when Michael the Brave entered Alba-Iulia, not that long ago!), there was a street in Cluj called Sunset Street (note: not Sunset Boulevard, Sunset Street). I have always been fond of its name, since it had a strange, poetic, out-of-the-way ring to it. It invited reflection. I liked the name, but not the street. There wasn’t much to like, either. A street beset by absences. Overrun by absences. If you ever wandered about, you were sure to cross nobody (maybe some housewife in her Show full text

bobe
Loved choice of words: "beset by absences", "feigning dedication to canine purpose", "watering holes", Orient, "it mattered little".
Consistent tone, sensitive choice of words creates a certain state of mind.
Maria Diaconu
Who are you? I selected this entry as the best, I would like to know who's behind the curtain here :)
bobe
Good job, Anonymous ! I also selected this one as the best !
Cristiana Coblis
Great translation! Congratulations!
Mihaela Ghiuzeli
This is a translation that captured the feel of the text. There is so much stylistic variety and the choices made, bring out the rhythm and the music of the original text. Some of the choices I liked are "clockful", "wanderlust", 'out of the way ring to it". Congratulations to you and the other contestants who took up this challenge !
Entry #3434 - Points: 15
Emanuel Bod
In times past (hey, hey, not quite during King Mihai’s entrance in Alba-Iulia!), there was a street in Cluj called Dusk (mind you: Dusk Street not Dusk’s Street). I have always liked this street name, I found it strange, peculiar, eerie, poetic, “thought provoking”. I liked the name, but not the street. There wasn’t much to like about it. A street full of absences. Overwhelmed by absences. That is, should you happen to pass by, you could be sure you wouldn’t run into anyone (maybe some Show full text

Bianca Fogarasi
And you were my 2nd best... :-)) Felicitări, Ema, bravo!!!
Cristiana Coblis
Felicitări, Emanuel! Foarte reuşite soluţii :)
Mihaela Ghiuzeli
Felicitari, Emanuel !
Entry #2878 - Points: 14
Anonymous


Once upon a time (well, well, not quite the time of Prince Michael’s triumphant ride into Alba-Iulia!) there was a street in Cluj named Twilight (not Twilight Street, mind you, just ’Twilight ’). I always loved this street’s name; I thought it strange, uncommon, eerie, poetic,  ‘thought-provoking.’    I liked the name, not the street. A street full of things absent. Overwhelmed by things absent. That is, if you happened upon it you could be sure you’d Show full text

bobe
I loved use of : full of things absent , an odd dog would bark at you just to keep itself busy (good picture), You were either ... or a "nut" (my case indeed) , "chicks", so unlike any other was this street.
The natural, intimate tone is maintained across the text .
bobe
Nice job here, I selected this one as my second best !
Cristiana Coblis
Loved it. Great job!
Maria Diaconu
Like it. Felicitările mele pentru o traducere inspirată, whoever you are :)
Entry #2671 - Points: 9
Chris Hughes
Some time ago (but not quite as long ago as when Prince Mihai* colonised Alba Iulia  – ha ha!), there used to be a street in Cluj named Twilight (note: not "Twilight Street" - just "Twilight").  I always liked this street name; it struck me as odd, singular, strange, poetic, "thought-provoking".  I liked the name, but not the street.  There was barely anything at all to like about it.  A street full of missing things.  Brimming with missing Show full text

Entry #3263 - Points: 7
Anonymous
Way back (wait, wait not exactly when Mihai was reigning down on to Alba Iulia!), there was a street in Cluj called “Sunset” (not “To the Sunset”, but simply “Sunset”). I always loved this kind of street name’ it sounded weird, unique, strange, poetic, getting you on thinking. I loved the street name not the street itself. There wasn’t much to like about it. A street crowded by absence.  Overwhelmed by absence. I mean, you’d happen to pass by and you’d bet not one soul Show full text

Entry #3460 - Points: 0
Anonymous
A long time ago (hey, not that long ago) there was in Cluj a street named Amrug (sunset) (pay attention: not "Amurgului"(of the sunset) but Amurg). I've always liked that street name; it seemed odd, different, strange, poetical, "thought inducing". I liked the name, but not the street. It wasn't really much to like it for. A street full of absences; overwhelmed by absences; i.e. if you got round there, you could be sure that there is no one around (maybe a housewife in her dressing gown, going Show full text

Feedback - 5th ProZ.com Translation Contest
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As we have already planned, this feature is now open to all members (full, community and student members).
lucca
Impresionante traduceri. Felicitări tuturor! Cred că am făcut bine că m-am decis să nu particip la concurs. Cel puţin la perechea română-engleză, n-aveam şanse de Top 3.
Elvira Daraban
Felicitări, Monika şi Ema. Cele mai reuşite soluţii, într-adevăr.
Monika Silea
Multumesc tuturor pentru voturi! Felicitari tuturor participantilor! Cred ca participarea este cea mai importanta! Ne "vedem" data viitoare!


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