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我的稿子极差吗
Thread poster: wsmqz3
wsmqz3
China
English to Chinese
Mar 27, 2009

给一国内翻译公司做的稿子, 国内价格大家也知道, 而这家公司还是国内公司中价格给的比较低的, 差不多是最低的了, 为自己也是为大家负责任起见,具体什么价格不说了,懂行的反正也能猜准。

就那么低的价格, 还说我做的达不到要求, 有点郁闷, 贴出来, 有兴趣的给说两句, 无论好坏, 都能舒服一点

汉译英:

在当今世界,创意产业已经从一种理念转化成为巨大的市场经济价值,在全世界每天创造出220亿美元的价值,并以5%的速度递增,在一些国家,增长的速度更快,美国达14%,英国12%。纵观全球,发达国家的众多创意产品、创意服务、创意营销和创意产业模式,吸引着全世界的眼球,构成了一股巨大的创意经济的发展浪潮,各国的创意产业以其各自独特的产业价值取向、领域和方式迅速发展,成为一个国家或一个城市未来发展和竞争市场的制胜法宝,展现出创意产业全球蓬勃发展的热烈景象。

In today’s world, the creativity industry has been converted from a concept to a practical existence that represents an enormous market value. All over the world, it now can produce the value of up to 22 billion dollars just in one day, and the amount will keep increasing by 5%. In certain countries, the rate of increasing is even higher --- 14% in America, and 12% in Britain. By now, the attention of the entire world has been drawn upon so many creativity industries, as well as the creativity products, creativity services and creativity marketing activities in the developed countries, and consequently helped to form up a remarkable development trend of creativity economy. A world-wide scene of blooming creativity economy is being shown to us just now, with the creativity industries in different countries getting on with developing rapidly on the basis of their particular industrial value orientation, fields and modes, and having become the core competitiveness for a country or a city to develop or to take part in the market competition in the future.


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nigerose  Identity Verified
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只说一句 Mar 28, 2009

[quote]wsmqz3 wrote:


汉译英:

在当今世界,创意产业已经从一种理念转化成为巨大的市场经济价值,在全世界每天创造出220亿美元的价值,并以5%的速度递增,在一些国家,增长的速度更快,美国达14%,英国12%。纵观全球,发达国家的众多创意产品、创意服务、创意营销和创意产业模式,吸引着全世界的眼球,构成了一股巨大的创意经济的发展浪潮,各国的创意产业以其各自独特的产业价值取向、领域和方式迅速发展,成为一个国家或一个城市未来发展和竞争市场的制胜法宝,展现出创意产业全球蓬勃发展的热烈景象。

By now, the attention of the entire world has been drawn upon so many creativity industries, as well as the creativity products, creativity services and creativity marketing activities in the developed countries, and consequently helped to form up a remarkable development trend of creativity economy.

只说一句,“helped to”的主语是谁?


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wsmqz3
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说的对 Mar 28, 2009

nigerose wrote:

只说一句,“helped to”的主语是谁?




推敲起来确实是这么个情况。 不过当时对于这个句子我是可以翻译成好几个不同的版本的, 另外几个版本从语法上都是经得起推敲的, 但是感觉还是这个更加简洁,更加的灵活自如。 而且如果非要找主语的话也可以勉为其难的将 the attention of the entire world 解释为主语, 当然这样会在逻辑上使得原文有一种被替置的感觉, 但是全面的看也达不到影响主体的程度,那原文也不是什么技术操作类的东西, 并不是万万的动不得,于是就索性这么弄了。另外凭借语感印象, 也觉得一些英文原版的东西时而也采用这种“投桃报李”的方式说话。 总之当时做这个句子的时候就是有一点随意挥洒了。 本来还觉得这是件好事,是弥足珍贵的一种翻译状态, 呵呵,但是现在看来还真是不太容易被别人接受, 那以后还是谨慎些, 不要太大胆的好。

不过那家公司的译审倒是没拿这个当毛病, 那译审指出的是一些其他的问题。 其实也没几处, 反正最后就说我这段翻译不达标。



[Edited at 2009-03-28 04:01 GMT]


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Alan Wang  Identity Verified
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相对论 Mar 28, 2009

我想,不能算极差了,考虑到价格因素。
本人是广义相对论believer。道德相对论、行为相对论,whatever... 不然的话在这个世界上可难以生存。什么样的价格应该说只有什么样的质量。最近也接了一个文宣材料的翻译。618个汉字,告诉我要最高质量,问我要多少,我说200。对方又问:

cool 22:09:26
最低多少
dumont 22:09:36
最低200
cool 22:09:40
能少点吗
dumont 22:09:59
一般我从不说最高的
dumont 22:10:14
最高就吓人了呵
cool 22:11:13
您试翻译其中一段给我看行吗?我好征询教授老人家意见,他点头,说水平可以才行?
dumont 22:12:04
这么少,不试译
dumont 22:12:20
而且要预付一半
dumont 22:12:42
或者你预付一半,我在给试译
cool 22:12:50
我会把你的翻译给他看,你选其中两句也行
cool 22:13:09
翻译两句话
dumont 22:13:26
我可以给你看我以前翻的文学书节选
cool 22:13:50
不看以前的
cool 22:14:01
就翻译其中两句
dumont 22:14:06
那你找别人吧
cool 22:14:57
如果您翻译怎么给钱,什么时候给
dumont 22:15:21
先预付一半
dumont 22:15:44
交稿后再付清
cool 22:16:37
等会我给一半,你不翻译怎么办
......
最后对方还是预付了。我开始工作。结果是,我发觉我要的价格还是低的不能再低了,因为就这六百多汉字我花的时间居然不少于8个钟。这种文宣材料也不属于保密的内容,不妨贴出(大部):

广西,古称“巫蛮之地”。
Guangxi is a region anciently known as the “Land of Witchery and Barbarity”.

传说远古流着一条峥嵘神秘的大河,河水燃着火、流着泪、唱着歌……因为,地下埋着个太阳!
Legend has it that in time immemorial there was a mystic great river of not water but burning fire and tears, streaming down in singing uproar ... because underneath it was buried of a sun!

我出生广西,求学上海,命运让我回归。
I was born in Guangxi and studied in Shanghai, but seem destined to come back.

我开始绘画上的巫蛮之旅,追寻那条消失的大河。
Here I started a painting trip in the bewitching wilderness, intent on finding the vanished great river.

我并非考古,仅似沿着河床边,不断地捡回许多许多顽石子。
Hardly was I dallying in archeology, the trip was as if merely for the retrieval of some marvelous pebbles here and there along the banks of a riverbed.

不管是黑是白,或是什么颜色,只要一经打磨到极致,它们就会发出令我心颤神迷的光芒。
Black, white, or whatever color, once they are polished to perfection, they exude an enticing glow blissful to behold.

光芒仿佛是从最内核、最炫惑的角度,向我透射过来,使得崇拜欧派俄派绘画的我,又跪拜到广西这片灼热、野艳、苍雄、诡秘的十万红土山地上。
The radiance seems to come from the innermost core and from an uncanny angle. A fervent adorer of European and Russian painting, I am bewitched by and fell in love head over toe with the terrain of Guangxi, the mountainous land of mystifying and fiery wilderness, of vast and majestic beauty.

渐渐,我领悟到:“巫蛮”两字并无贬义,倒是象形地铭刻着人类原始、赤裸、永恒的人性肌理。
Gradually, I came to realize that the two words of "witchery and barbarity” contain no derogative meaning here. Rather, they are a hieroglyphic dedication engraved with the eternal fabric of original and naked human nature.

......

想来,浩茫宇宙,天道人道,颠覆融合,周而复始……古今不过一瞬!我们绘画人,手中只有画笔,唯有执着正直、善良、完美。
In my view, the ways of heaven and humanity that have so far prevailed are as lasting as but a wink in the infinite expansion of time and space; they are locked in an endless cycle of disintegration and reintegration. As painters with a brush in hand, we can only hope to dedicate ourselves to integrity, kindness, and perfection.

我继续溯源而上,越走越远,似乎听到大河狂乱的喧嚣,闻到悍烈的气息。
I trekked further up, to the point where I seemed to peep over the threshold of space and time, to hear the frenzy uproar of the legendary river and smell the fiery wildness in the air.

但我畅想着,源头一定无比的宁静、温暖、明洁,一定会有一片青草地,那是众多艺术灵魂的辉煌会所。
All the while, I imagined that at the head of the water lie the incomparable tranquility, warmth and brightness of a patch of grassland, on which is the grand edifice where many a brilliant soul of the fine arts meet.
......

wsmqz3 wrote:

给一国内翻译公司做的稿子, 国内价格大家也知道, 而这家公司还是国内公司中价格给的比较低的, 差不多是最低的了, 为自己也是为大家负责任起见,具体什么价格不说了,懂行的反正也能猜准。


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lbone  Identity Verified
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建议不要随便贴付费的稿件 Mar 28, 2009

dumont wrote:
这种文宣材料也不属于保密的内容,不妨贴出(大部):


建议不要随便贴付费的稿件。

有时会有些环节要求保密。可能只是你想不到而已。

我这几年做的国内的一块业务,全部都要求完全保密,我从来不向第三方明地暗地提那些客户的名字,我的客户也从来不提是找我翻译的。如果只看文字内容,你可能根本想不到客户会要求保密。

和商业活动有关的文稿,在发布之前,甚至在发布之后(比如对方从某处抄来一篇源文,本来别人不想说的,结果你一公布译稿,有人发现了,哦,原来中文版/英文版是这个!),往往都有保密的需要。

[Edited at 2009-03-28 09:38 GMT]


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Alan Wang  Identity Verified
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一分钱,一分货 Mar 28, 2009

Points taken. but I am sure it is not going to have any undesired effect on anybody, so I will let this one stand.

当时做这个稿件,是一个自称自己做了不能令客户满意的人介绍的,而我做了以后,客户最后的话是:“结识您非常高兴。有机会我会将您介绍给其他教授。祝您一切顺利!”
在我们买商品的时候,常识告诉我们是一分钱,一分货,作为译者,我们的客户也应该知道这个道理。具体一件工作,我们愿意在它上面所花的时间一般是要基于客户给的译费的。至少我对此是毫不讳言。


lbone wrote:

dumont wrote:
这种文宣材料也不属于保密的内容,不妨贴出(大部):


建议不要随便贴付费的稿件。

有时会有些环节要求保密。可能只是你想不到而已。

我这几年做的国内的一块业务,全部都要求完全保密,我从来不向第三方明地暗地提那些客户的名字,我的客户也从来不提是找我翻译的。如果只看文字内容,你可能根本想不到客户会要求保密。

和商业活动有关的文稿,在发布之前,甚至在发布之后(比如对方从某处抄来一篇源文,本来别人不想说的,结果你一公布译稿,有人发现了,哦,原来中文版/英文版是这个!),往往都有保密的需要。

[Edited at 2009-03-28 09:38 GMT]


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Alan Wang  Identity Verified
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逻辑 Mar 28, 2009

在当今世界,创意产业已经从一种理念转化成为巨大的市场经济价值,
In today’s world, the creativity industry has been converted from a concept to a practical existence that represents an enormous market value.

第一句我看有逻辑问题。
the creativity industry has been converted from a concept to a practical existence…
直译是创意产业已从概念转为实际存在。汉语中好像没有逻辑错误,大概是因为被动式未能译出。但是英语中有明显的逻辑错误。
既然已经是产业了,那么怎么还又“被从概念转为实际存在”呢? 不过倒是可以说它“是从概念转为实际存在的”。

试译如下:
Today, the creativity industry has become a business of enormous (market) value from its initial stage of conception.

或者:
Today, the creativity industry has grown from its initial stage of conception to a business of enormous (market) value.


[修改时间: 2009-03-28 13:37 GMT]


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ysun  Identity Verified
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谈不上“极差” Mar 28, 2009

wsmqz3 wrote:

我的稿子极差吗

翻译这类稿子并非我的专长,不过我想说,虽然你的译稿有不足之处,但离“极差”还很远。所以,千万别泄气!


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isahuang
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几点建议 Mar 28, 2009

wsmqz3 wrote:

给一国内翻译公司做的稿子, 国内价格大家也知道, 而这家公司还是国内公司中价格给的比较低的, 差不多是最低的了, 为自己也是为大家负责任起见,具体什么价格不说了,懂行的反正也能猜准。

就那么低的价格, 还说我做的达不到要求, 有点郁闷, 贴出来, 有兴趣的给说两句, 无论好坏, 都能舒服一点

汉译英:

在当今世界,创意产业已经从一种理念转化成为巨大的市场经济价值,在全世界每天创造出220亿美元的价值,并以5%的速度递增,在一些国家,增长的速度更快,美国达14%,英国12%。纵观全球,发达国家的众多创意产品、创意服务、创意营销和创意产业模式,吸引着全世界的眼球,构成了一股巨大的创意经济的发展浪潮,各国的创意产业以其各自独特的产业价值取向、领域和方式迅速发展,成为一个国家或一个城市未来发展和竞争市场的制胜法宝,展现出创意产业全球蓬勃发展的热烈景象。

In today’s world, the creativity industry has been converted from a concept to a practical existence that represents an enormous market value. All over the world, it now can produce the value of up to 22 billion dollars just in one day, and the amount will keep increasing by 5%. In certain countries, the rate of increasing is even higher --- 14% in America, and 12% in Britain. By now, the attention of the entire world has been drawn upon so many creativity industries, as well as the creativity products, creativity services and creativity marketing activities in the developed countries, and consequently helped to form up a remarkable development trend of creativity economy. A world-wide scene of blooming creativity economy is being shown to us just now, with the creativity industries in different countries getting on with developing rapidly on the basis of their particular industrial value orientation, fields and modes, and having become the core competitiveness for a country or a city to develop or to take part in the market competition in the future.


这种稿子也不是很容易翻的。翻译时要注意不能被中文的句式限制住,多看英文报刊,培养语感。英文写作,尤其是美式英语讲究的是简洁,中文喜欢用一些华丽的词藻,英语翻译时可根据英文写作的思维方式修改。

Your translation goes in a roundabout way, and I would not know what you wanted to say if I didn't read the Chinese text.

[Edited at 2009-03-28 16:18 GMT]


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isahuang
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创意产业 Mar 28, 2009

大家都认为“创意产业”应翻为“creativity industry"吗?I would choose creative industry.

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wherestip  Identity Verified
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creative industries Mar 28, 2009

isahuang wrote:

大家都认为“创意产业”应翻为“creativity industry"吗?I would choose creative industry.


Yes, it's referred to as the "creative industries". There's a wikipedia entry for this term.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creative_industries



Creative industries typically include industries that focus on: creating and exploiting intellectual property products such as music, books, film and games; or providing business-to-business creative services including advertising, public relations and direct marketing. Aesthetic live-performance experiences are also generally included, which contributes to an overlap with definitions of art and culture, and even aspects of tourism and sport. Economic activities focussed on designing, making and selling objects or works of art such as jewellery, haute couture, books of poetry and other creative writing, and fine art are often included in the sector because the value of such objects derives from a high degree of aesthetic originality.

Creative industries exclude, and contrast with, industries that derive value by transferring ownership of pre-existing property (such as retail, financial-services and real-estate industries), by making a commoditised product or service (such as auto-manufacturing and electric-utility industries), and by maintaining or enhancing what already exists (such as the auto-repair industry).




BTW, Yueyin 和 Tingting 说得很对, 不要气馁, 多听多读对掌握习惯的英语说法很有帮助.



[Edited at 2009-03-28 16:36 GMT]


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isahuang
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For example Mar 28, 2009

创意产业已经从一种理念转化成为巨大的市场经济价值,在全世界每天创造出220亿美元的价值

Creative industry has grown from a mere idea to an industry with a huge market which churns out a value of $22 billion around the world every day.

这里的理念英文里指的就是一个idea,没有必要用concept。市场经济价值我认为没有必要直译,否则一句话里会用到好几个value。你翻译当中用的value of up to,为什么要用一个up to呢?,if you charge by word, you might be able to make some extra $$$, 但是用在这儿完全是多余的


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redred  Identity Verified
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源稿 Mar 29, 2009

dumont wrote:

广西,古称“巫蛮之地”。
Guangxi is a region anciently known as the “Land of Witchery and Barbarity”.



常听的形容是“夷蛮之地”.


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Benny Fu
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不要泄气! Mar 29, 2009

我基本不做汉译英。一是不划算,二是很多中文原文就有问题,表达的不清楚,翻译公司也不愿与客户沟通,所以词不达意,只等猜测。
楼主翻译的的确稍有问题,但是离“极差”还很远,一样,鼓励一下,不要泄气!


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wsmqz3
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不管好坏,贴出来舒服多了, 呵呵 Apr 1, 2009

谢谢各位的意见。

呵呵, 我也不是新人了, 英语底子也还是挺厚的, 当然这也得看跟谁比。 按照国内的市场价格规律, 我的译文质量打个八折之后也是完全可以和那家公司所给的价格匹配了。其实我做这个稿子的时候是自信满满的,下笔的时候也是兵贵神速的。 没办法, 价格太低,必须快, 否则单位时间收入要低于在工地干活的农民工。也根本没想到这公司会认为不合格, 所以心里觉得窝囊,很不服气的, 心想:“你们那个价格还想要什么质量啊?”

是这样,他们公司给的价格是个垃圾价,国内市场上与这种价格相对应的只能是那种垃圾译文, 即--- 翻译成英文版其实就是装装样子,大致是那么回事,看上去是英文就行, 反正谁也不会去细看, 其质量要求一般来讲普通的英语系毕业生就是可以达到的。所以我就认为我应该是不费吹灰之力就可以达到他们的要求的, 所以一旦被拒, 就会感觉特别不舒服和不服气。

不服气也没办法, 也不能缠着人家非要辩论出个子午卯酉来。就像是相亲, 你认为自己在长相上是占优势的, 是比对方强出很多的, 可是对方就是愣没看上你,就说你长得难看, 那你也只能认了。 如果你就是不认, 非要纠缠上去让人家说说你到底哪里不好看, 到底哪里不比对方强的话, 那岂不是很没劲。

但是要全靠自己这么憋着也真够难受的, 所以我选择在这里帖一下, 舒服很多了, 呵呵


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