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Seaguest  Identity Verified
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Aug 29, 2005



[Edited at 2005-08-31 18:37]


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Reed Guo
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Not too bad. Aug 30, 2005

China Raids Human Rights Group Ahead of U.N. Visit
纽约时报:在联合国专员即将访问之际中国突然查抄人权组织


By JOSEPH KAHN
Published: August 30, 2005
作者:JOSEPH KAHN
发布日期:2005 年 8 月 30 日

BEIJING, Aug. 29 - Chinese police raided the office of a American-financed human rights group shortly before the arrival of the United Nations human rights chief today, as authorities sought to keep a tight lid on dissent during the sensitive visit.
8月29日,北京讯
  在联合国首席人权代表即将抵达之际,中国警方今天突然查抄一个由美国人资助的人权组织的办公室,当局企图在这个敏感的访问期内捂住不同的政见。

对不起,没时间了,后面来不及细看,但侯文卓既然是人名,后面就该都用女士,而不该“女士”和“夫人”混用;Arbour是否用“夫人”也请酌。“象”字按目前的汉语规范应为“像”。总的译得不错,但有时句子还不符合出版规范。


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Seaguest  Identity Verified
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谢谢! Aug 30, 2005



[Edited at 2005-08-31 18:37]


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Last Hermit
Local time: 23:44
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低手放言:撇开政治谈政治 Aug 30, 2005

  1、中国是个国家如何袭击人权组织?
  2、退一万步来,就算“中国袭击人权组织”没错,那么用什么办法?恐怖袭击?导弹?子弹?刀枪?放火?
 
  这种翻译如果是以前完全可以治你大罪,哪怕是现在也完全可以炒你鱿鱼,因为必定会引起一场外交风波!

[quote]Seaguest wrote:

China Raids Human Rights Group Ahead of U.N. Visit
纽约时报:中国在联合国专员访问前袭击人权组织


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Wenjer Leuschel  Identity Verified
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開你個玩笑 Aug 30, 2005

Last Hermit wrote:

  1、中国是个国家如何袭击人权组织?
  2、退一万步来,就算“中国袭击人权组织”没错,那么用什么办法?恐怖袭击?导弹?子弹?刀枪?放火?
 
  这种翻译如果是以前完全可以治你大罪,哪怕是现在也完全可以炒你鱿鱼,因为必定会引起一场外交风波!

Seaguest wrote:

China Raids Human Rights Group Ahead of U.N. Visit
纽约时报:中国在联合国专员访问前袭击人权组织



聯合國專員到訪前 中國「抄襲」人權組織

那個「抄襲」的「抄」是「抄家滅族的抄」,那個「抄襲」的「襲」是「襲擊的襲」,何如?


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Li Jie  Identity Verified
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同意这位仁兄的意见. Aug 30, 2005

[quote]Last Hermit wrote:

  1、中国是个国家如何袭击人权组织?
  2、退一万步来,就算“中国袭击人权组织”没错,那么用什么办法?恐怖袭击?导弹?子弹?刀枪?放火?
 
  这种翻译如果是以前完全可以治你大罪,哪怕是现在也完全可以炒你鱿鱼,因为必定会引起一场外交风波!

Seaguest wrote:

China Raids Human Rights Group Ahead of U.N. Visit
纽约时报:中国在联合国专员访问前袭击人权组织




可以用“突击搜查”之类稍温和一些的字眼。应该揣摩一下措辞,顾及各方各面的影响。


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jyuan_us  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 11:44
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AS MANY AS 10 不等于10名左右 Aug 30, 2005

等于多达10人。

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Shaun Yeo  Identity Verified
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不知道大家看到了吗? Aug 30, 2005

Seaguest wrote:
Police searched the offices and copied computer files at the Empowerment and Rights Institute, a leading legal and human rights advisory group, employees and visitors to the offices said.
雇员和到访的客人说,警察搜查了一个主要的法律及人权咨询组织——授权与权利协会的办公室,并复制了电脑里的文件。

这句或有较明显的问题。

哦,忘了说:海上访客,欢迎来到这个大家庭!

[Edited at 2005-08-30 16:37]


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Seaguest  Identity Verified
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是有点篡改原意 Aug 30, 2005



[Edited at 2005-08-31 18:39]


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Seaguest  Identity Verified
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谢谢Shaun Yeo先生并请赐教 Aug 30, 2005



[Edited at 2005-08-31 18:38]


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Shang
China
Local time: 23:44
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遣词造句有待改进,行文不够流畅 Aug 30, 2005

Seaguest wrote:

China Raids Human Rights Group Ahead of U.N. Visit
中国在联合国专员访问前袭击人权组织

中国警方在联合国专员到访前搜查人权组织驻京办事处。从下文看出,Raid翻译成“搜查/查抄”较好。

BEIJING, Aug. 29 - Chinese police raided the office of a American-financed human rights group shortly before the arrival of the United Nations human rights chief today, as authorities sought to keep a tight lid on dissent during the sensitive visit.
北京,8月29日——在联合国首席人权代表抵达前不久,北京警方今天袭击了一个由美国人资助的人权组织的办公室,当局企图在这个敏感的访问期间维持对持不同政见的严密控制。

"BEIJING, Aug. 29"翻译成“北京,8月29日”显然不符合中文电讯的习惯,正确的格式应该是“xxx北京8月29日电”。shortly before翻译成“在...之际”较好。“维持对持不同政见的严密控制”(keep a tight lid on dissent)读起来很别扭,最好改成“继续严厉/严格控制...的行动”。

Police searched the offices and copied computer files at the Empowerment and Rights Institute, a leading legal and human rights advisory group, employees and visitors to the offices said. The group's director, Hou Wenzhuo, said that as many as 10 plainclothes and uniformed police came to her home as well, but did not arrest her.
雇员和到访的客人说,警察搜查了一个主要的法律及人权咨询组织——授权与权利协会的办公室,并复制了电脑里的文件。该组织负责人侯文卓说,10名左右的便衣和制服警察还去了她家,但没有逮捕她。

“雇员和到访的客人说”不是通讯的惯用格式,应该改为“据...称/说/表示”等。“该组织负责人侯文卓说”照此办理。

Ms. Hou said she had hoped to meet with Ms. Arbour to present evidence she has collected about human rights abuses. Her group has documented what she described as systematic suppression of people who complain about problems like land confiscations and police torture.
侯女士说,她曾经希望会见Arbour夫人,向她提交所搜集到的虐待人权的证据。她描述说,那些抱怨土地征用和警察暴力的人遭到了系统的压制,而她的组织已经准备了书面证据。

“所搜集到的”拗口,不如改为“自己收集的”。abuse翻译不当:人权只能被践踏,不能被虐待。后一句话有逻辑错误,读起来别扭:document发生在describe之后。like没有翻译出来。她document的问题不仅限于land confiscations和police torture。torture应该是严刑拷打/刑讯逼供。

She said she feared that the police could potentially take further action to prevent her from meeting Ms. Arbour and to punish her and her associates for accumulating records of rights abuses.
她说,她恐怕警察可能采取进一步的行动以阻止她会见Arbour夫人,并就她及同事搜集侵犯人权记录的行为进行惩处。

fear翻译成“恐怕”不合适,应为“担心”。

Dozens of intellectuals, lawyers, journalists and human rights activists, including Ms. Hou, signed an open letter to Ms. Arbour last week asking her help "in defending the basic human rights of Chinese citizens." The letter requested that Ms. Arbour meet with private groups involved in human rights during her five-day stay in China.
包括侯夫人在内的众多知识分子、律师、记者和人权活动家上周签署了一份给Arbour 夫人的公开信,要求她帮助“捍卫中国公民的基本人权”。这封信请求Arbour 夫人在她的五天访问期间,会见与人权有关的私人组织。

“众多”不符合习惯,改为“许多”。“签署”用词不当:“联名给...一封公开信”。“要求”近似命令,ask在这里是请求的意思。her five-day stay中的her不必翻译,否则读起来别扭。

"Many people who care about civil society in China had high hopes for the visit" by Ms. Arbour, Ms. Hou said. "But the authorities do not want free discussion of China's rights abuses."
侯夫人说:“许多关心中国市民社会的人都对Arbour 夫人的访问抱有很高的期望,但当局不想就中国的侵犯人权问题进行自由的讨论。”

“市民社会”读起来怎么这么别扭,建议翻译成社会问题。“不想就中国的侵犯人权问题进行自由的讨论”中两个“的”很刺眼,建议改成“不想公开讨论中国侵犯人权这一问题”。

Ms. Hou, 35, founded the group after studying human rights law at Oxford University and Harvard Law School. It is funded primarily by the National Endowment for Democracy in Washington.
35岁的侯夫人在牛津大学和哈佛法学院研究完人权法后,成立了这个组织。它主要是由华盛顿的民主基金会资助的。

“研究完人权法后”是否应该改为“完成人权法学业后”?“它”应改为“该组织”。

The organization came under heavy pressure this month after it advised farmers in Guangdong Province in a land dispute. The farmers have sustained a pointed and sometimes violent uprising against local leaders, and Ms. Hou was briefly detained by police there before being told to return to Beijing.
在这个组织向一起土地争议中的广东农民提供咨询帮助后,它本月受到了沉重的压力。农民们展开了持续不断的、尖锐有时是暴力的抗争行动以对抗地方领导。而侯夫人在那里被短暂拘留,要她返回北京。

第一句很别扭,建议改成“在广东爆发的一起土地纠纷中,该组织给当地农民提供了咨询,随即受到来自政府的巨大压力。”have sustained a pointed and sometimes violent uprising against local leaders:长期与地方官员形成激烈对抗,有时甚至发生暴力冲突。“而侯夫人在那里被短暂拘留,要她返回北京”同样拗口:在获准返回北京之前,侯夫人曾被警方短暂拘留。

"The space for doing this kind of work is shrinking," she said. "The pressure is already much greater than it was a couple of years ago."
她说:“从事这种工作的空间正在萎缩。压力已经变得比几年前大得多。”

“这种”改为“这项”,“的空间正在萎缩”改为“越来越困难”,“。压力已经”改为“,外界压力”。

The United Nations said a primary focus of Ms. Arbour's visit is to press China to make changes to its legal system and to ratify the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights.
联合国说,Arbour夫人访问的主要任务就是向中国施压以改变它的法律体系,并且批准《国际公民及政治权利公约》

“联合国说”显然不恰当:要么是它的发言人说...,要么是它的官员说...。“向中国施压以改变”应改为“向中国施压,敦促它修改”。

China signed the human rights covenant, considered a milestone in efforts to standardize respect for rights globally, in 1998. That paved the way for the first visit to China by a United Nations high commissioner for human rights.
中国于1998年签署了人权公约,这被视为是致力于使全球人权标准化的一个里程碑。这也为联合国高级人权专员的首次中国之行铺平了道路。

“使全球人权标准化”犹如雾里看花,它的意思是中国决定采纳国际上普遍接受的人权准则。前后两句话应合成一句,否则不连贯。

But China has yet to join 154 other countries in ratifying the covenant and would have to make changes to its judicial processes to comply with its requirements.
但是中国还必须象其他154个国家一样批准这一公约,并且必须对它的司法程序做出改进以符合公约要求。

新闻稿里看不到“以...”这种结构。不同的行当有不同的习惯。

Some legal experts have argued that China has begun to take small but promising steps toward respecting individual rights, partly as a way of improving its image before it hosts the 2008 Olympics in Beijing.
一些法律专家认为,中国已经开始朝着尊重个人权利的方向迈出了小幅但积极的步骤,这有点象是在2008年举办奥运会之前改善其形象的一种措施。

“小幅”令人费解,不如“谨慎”。partly处理不当,应为“部分原因是...”。

But a rash of social unrest around the country in recent years - China experienced at least 74,000 protest incidents in 2004, according to the police - has prompted authorities to sharply curtail grassroots activists groups and harass or arrest rights workers.
但近年来在全国各地爆发的一连串骚乱事件——根据警方报告,2004年中国就发生了74000起抗议事件——促使当局严厉打压草根活动组织,并骚扰或逮捕人权工作者。

不能照搬原文格式,否则别扭。把破折号改为逗号。China experienced at least 74,000 protest incidents in 2004, according to the police = 据警方称,仅2004年就发生了74000起抗议事件。挪到最前面。grassroots activist = 基层活动/活跃分子/人士。


[Edited at 2005-08-30 18:23]


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stonejohn  Identity Verified
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完全同意Shang的改法 Aug 31, 2005

如题^_^

还有,建议楼主在译完文章之后先按隐士前辈所列的“纲要”通读译文,看看行文是否流畅、说法是否地道......

咱们小辈一起学习 呵呵


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Shaun Yeo  Identity Verified
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倒译法似乎无必要? Aug 31, 2005

Seaguest wrote:
Police searched the offices and copied computer files at the Empowerment and Rights Institute, a leading legal and human rights advisory group, employees and visitors to the offices said.
雇员和到访的客人说,警察搜查了一个主要的法律及人权咨询组织——授权与权利协会的办公室,并复制了电脑里的文件。

谢谢Shaun Yeo先生的真诚欢迎。是的,这句话我翻译时也感觉不太对劲。第一,“Empowerment and Rights Institute”这个组织的中文名称应该如何翻译难以搞定;第二,语句的次序问题。本来是想按照文本顺序翻译的,但后来考虑到事件发生的先后次序问题,就采取了倒译译法。

如果我有理解不到位或没有发现的问题,请您不吝赐教!


赐教不敢,大家讨论讨论。我想指出的,不是组织名称的中文译法,这是相对小的问题。由译文结构引起的误解较大。

你的译文:
雇员和到访的客人说,警察搜查了一个主要的法律及人权咨询组织——授权与权利协会的办公室,并复制了电脑里的文件。

如果不读原文,单从这句译文,我大概不会把“雇员和到访的客人”联想、解译为该组织的“雇员和到访的客人”。

Seaguest wrote:
但后来考虑到事件发生的先后次序问题,就采取了倒译译法。

其实,如果考虑到先后次序,那更不应该采取倒译法吧?因为次序其实是这样的:警察搜查->复制电脑文件->雇员和到访的客人发言。

我建议:
警察搜查了E&R协会的办公室,该协会是法律与人权咨询方面的主要组织。据该协会的雇员和访客说,警察还复制了电脑里的文件。

请指教。


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Shaun Yeo  Identity Verified
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Shang的建议极好 Aug 31, 2005

Shang的建议极好。但我有一点看法和Shang商榷。

Shang wrote:
"BEIJING, Aug. 29"翻译成“北京,8月29日”显然不符合中文电讯的习惯,正确的格式应该是“xxx北京8月29日电”。shortly before翻译成“在...之际”较好。“维持对持不同政见的严密控制”(keep a tight lid on dissent)读起来很别扭,最好改成“继续严厉/严格控制...的行动”。

-“在...之际”是when/while……吧?严密来说,和Shortly before应该有点区别。可考虑“赶在……抵达之前”、“就在……快抵达前”?
-“继续严厉/严格控制...的行动”:严格来说,原文并无“继续”?虽然意在言外,但新闻译稿如果可以保持中立,应该尽量中立吧?可考虑“严控不同的政见”、“对不同的政见加以严控”等?

“市民社会”读起来怎么这么别扭,建议翻译成社会问题。

“civil society ”可以译成“文明社会”?整句可考虑:“期待中国发展成文明社会的许多有心人对……”

请各位指教。
P.S.麦当劳真是太吵杂了,这些学生怎么都不用上课呀?


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