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Where to break a sentence in Chinese
Thread poster: Penelope Ausejo

Penelope Ausejo  Identity Verified
Spain
Local time: 06:56
English to Spanish
+ ...
Jun 2, 2006

Good afternoon,

I have a sentence in Chinese that is going to be printed on the newspaper. Due to space restrictions we have to cut the sentence into 2 lines. Where can it be broken down? It all seems to be one word.

This is the sentence:


现在你可以有无担保贷款来开始你的生意. 试一下吧 !

Could it be broken down as:

现在你可以有无担保贷
款来开始你的生意. 试一下吧 !

Or how should we do it?

Pls reply in English as I don't speak any Chinese.

Thanks a lot in advance


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adj600
United Kingdom
Local time: 05:56
English to Chinese
+ ...
line breaks here Jun 2, 2006

Penelope Ausejo wrote:

Good afternoon,

I have a sentence in Chinese that is going to be printed on the newspaper. Due to space restrictions we have to cut the sentence into 2 lines. Where can it be broken down? It all seems to be one word.

This is the sentence:


现在你可以有无担保贷款来开始你的生意. 试一下吧 !

Could it be broken down as:

现在你可以有无担保贷
款来开始你的生意. 试一下吧 !

Or how should we do it?

Pls reply in English as I don't speak any Chinese.

Thanks a lot in advance


You had a very good try, just need a little amendment. Move the first character of your second line up, and here you go:

现在你可以有无担保贷款
来开始你的生意. 试一下吧 !



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xxxchance
French to Chinese
+ ...
Hi Penelope, Jun 2, 2006

It could be broken down as:

现在可以使用无担保贷款
开始你的生意. 试一下吧 !

I made two small changes. You may wait for others' suggestions.

Penelope Ausejo wrote:

Good afternoon,

I have a sentence in Chinese that is going to be printed on the newspaper. Due to space restrictions we have to cut the sentence into 2 lines. Where can it be broken down? It all seems to be one word.

This is the sentence:


现在你可以有无担保贷款来开始你的生意. 试一下吧 !

Could it be broken down as:

现在你可以有无担保贷
款来开始你的生意. 试一下吧 !

Or how should we do it?

Pls reply in English as I don't speak any Chinese.

Thanks a lot in advance


[Edited at 2006-06-02 12:22]


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Last Hermit
Local time: 12:56
Chinese to English
+ ...
Incorrect use of puntuation. And it sounds clumsy to boot. Jun 2, 2006

The dot (.) for the full stop must be replaced with a circle (。) The space before the exclamation mark should be removed.

Suggested translations for this supposed strapline/tagline:

1) 创业贷款无须担保,何不一试?
2) 创业贷款不用担保的时候来了,您还等什么?
3)贷款无须担保,创业不愁!一试便知道!



Penelope Ausejo wrote:

Good afternoon,

I have a sentence in Chinese that is going to be printed on the newspaper. Due to space restrictions we have to cut the sentence into 2 lines. Where can it be broken down? It all seems to be one word.

This is the sentence:


现在你可以有无担保贷款来开始你的生意. 试一下吧 !

Could it be broken down as:

现在你可以有无担保贷
款来开始你的生意. 试一下吧 !

Or how should we do it?

Pls reply in English as I don't speak any Chinese.

Thanks a lot in advance


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xxxchance
French to Chinese
+ ...
Last Hermit, Jun 2, 2006

以后我遇到类似宣传材料就贴在这里等你的建议了

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Penelope Ausejo  Identity Verified
Spain
Local time: 06:56
English to Spanish
+ ...
TOPIC STARTER
The Chinese sentence is not correctly written? Jun 2, 2006

Last Hermit wrote:

The dot (.) for the full stop must be replaced with a circle (。) The space before the exclamation mark should be removed.

Suggested translations for this supposed strapline/tagline:

1) 创业贷款无须担保,何不一试?
2) 创业贷款不用担保的时候来了,您还等什么?
3)贷款无须担保,创业不愁!一试便知道!



Hi Hermit,

Do you mean that this sentence is not correctly written? I sent it to a well-known agency to get it translated from Spanish into Chinese...


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Terry Thatcher Waltz, Ph.D.  Identity Verified
Local time: 00:56
Chinese to English
+ ...
You can split it anywhere, really Jun 2, 2006

Sounds like a very literal translation to me...and more as though it were from English, as good Spanish would probably be something like "Ud. puede disponer de..." instead of "Ud. puede tener..." or something. But I'm not a native Spanish speaker or a native Chinese speaker.

As for breaking the sentence, a Chinese sentence can be "broken" (if you mean a simple line break) anywhere. There's no prohibition on splitting a "word" composed of two characters across lines of text. You want to be careful, from a technical point of view, to get your cursor between characters and not ON one when you split by hitting RETURN, because you could split one in the middle of the character and then get garbled Chinese (because of dual-byte representation of Chinese characters in some cases) and if you don't read Chinese you might not notice it.

The suggested split above would be more for a headline usage, where you would try to avoid splitting words into two lines to make it look nicer.

LastHermit's translations are true translations of what we can assume the original sentence was. The job you received from the agency is someone who translated word-for-word, most likely, instead of knowing that translation for advertising is half writing skill. That is why pros only go into their native languages -- there's that little something extra that gives you the "punch" when writing in your native language, and when it's missing from your second language, you often don't know it (as was the case with this translator). I've never heard a native Chinese speaker use "kaishi ni de shengyi" that way (but then again, I am still young!) [1,100 hits on Google for that vs. 35 million-plus for "chuang ye"....hmmm....just sayin'...]

I wasn't aware there were any "well-known agencies" doing Spanish to Chinese well...hope it wasn't a certain famous Taiwanese agency whose name sounds like the title of the office at the top of the government of the United States...as I haven't heard much good about "less common languages" coming out of there!


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Last Hermit
Local time: 12:56
Chinese to English
+ ...
In terms of Chinese writing/printing conventions, it is NOT. Jun 2, 2006

Mistakes like these are way too common across the industry; even world-known mammoths enjoy NO exception.

Penelope Ausejo wrote:

Last Hermit wrote:

The dot (.) for the full stop must be replaced with a circle (。) The space before the exclamation mark should be removed.

Suggested translations for this supposed strapline/tagline:

1) 创业贷款无须担保,何不一试?
2) 创业贷款不用担保的时候来了,您还等什么?
3)贷款无须担保,创业不愁!一试便知道!



Hi Hermit,

Do you mean that this sentence is not correctly written? I sent it to a well-known agency to get it translated from Spanish into Chinese...


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Penelope Ausejo  Identity Verified
Spain
Local time: 06:56
English to Spanish
+ ...
TOPIC STARTER
original version Jun 2, 2006

The original said: "Ahora tienes créditos sin aval para emprender tu negocio. ¡Atrévete!".

The English translation is "Unguaranteed loans are now available to start your own business. Dare to dream!".

I assumed that the translation was done by a Chinese native... but now you make me wonder. The agency is well-known in Spain (at least in my area) in general not for Spanish into Chinese translations.

Uhmmm


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Shaun Yeo  Identity Verified
Local time: 12:56
English to Chinese
+ ...
My attempt Jun 2, 2006

贷款无须担保,创业不用烦恼。大胆编织美梦,马上付诸行动!

Please send you payment via moneybooker


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Last Hermit
Local time: 12:56
Chinese to English
+ ...
'Dare to dream!' is completely LOST in the original translation. Jun 2, 2006

But did you mean 'guarantee-free' in place of 'unguaranteed'? The latter one sounds like 'insecure/unreliable' to me.

Now my revised versions:
1)贷款创业免担保,如今不是梦!
2)免担保贷款,创业不是梦!


Penelope Ausejo wrote:

The original said: "Ahora tienes créditos sin aval para emprender tu negocio. ¡Atrévete!".

The English translation is "Unguaranteed loans are now available to start your own business. Dare to dream!".

I assumed that the translation was done by a Chinese native... but now you make me wonder. The agency is well-known in Spain (at least in my area) in general not for Spanish into Chinese translations.

Uhmmm


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Wenjer Leuschel  Identity Verified
Taiwan
Local time: 12:56
English to Chinese
+ ...
La oración está bién. Jun 2, 2006

Penelope Ausejo wrote:

Hi Hermit,

Do you mean that this sentence is not correctly written? I sent it to a well-known agency to get it translated from Spanish into Chinese...


Querida Penelope,

No hay problemas, para nada. La oración original está bién. Solamente una questión de estilo. No sé que es mejor. Hay siémpre gente quienes tienen que mejorar a todo. Olvidales, por razón de la paz.

Saludos (también a Ulisis),
Wenjer


[Edited at 2006-06-03 01:23]


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pkchan  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 00:56
Member (2006)
English to Chinese
+ ...
也來一試 Jun 2, 2006

創業貸款,無需擔保,敢想敢幹,夢境成真。

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Wenjer Leuschel  Identity Verified
Taiwan
Local time: 12:56
English to Chinese
+ ...
The suggestion made by chance is all right. Jun 2, 2006

Terry Thatcher Waltz, Ph.D. wrote:
You can split it anywhere, really


Well, you have touched a lot of topics, Terry.

The only one thing Penelope wanted to know was where to break that sentence into two lines. As a headline, the suggestion made by chance is all right.

The skills of translation? It's another story. Marketing materials and advertisement, still another story. You may ask a Greek to translate something from Greek into English and then revised by an American native. Still, there might be some problem in the translation.

How should we know how the Spanish original would look like? We may guess, but we can never be sure, unless the text lies in front of us. Then, we might probably say, "Aha, word-to-word and doesn't fit."

But that sentence of a translation is all right, because we all recognise what it should mean to say. Awkward as a Chinese sentence? Hmm, I don't really know.

P.S. Aproposito la empresa famosa en nuetro país, tienes razón.


[Edited at 2006-06-03 01:19]


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Last Hermit
Local time: 12:56
Chinese to English
+ ...
'开始生意' is idiomatically incorrect. Bad collation, to be more precise. Jun 2, 2006

We Chinese always say '开始做生意'. To my best knowledge, no Chinese on this planet would say '开始生意'.


Penelope Ausejo wrote:

Good afternoon,

I have a sentence in Chinese that is going to be printed on the newspaper. Due to space restrictions we have to cut the sentence into 2 lines. Where can it be broken down? It all seems to be one word.

This is the sentence:


现在你可以有无担保贷款来开始你的生意. 试一下吧 !

Could it be broken down as:

现在你可以有无担保贷
款来开始你的生意. 试一下吧 !

Or how should we do it?

Pls reply in English as I don't speak any Chinese.

Thanks a lot in advance


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