Off topic: Summer chuckles for translators ....
Thread poster: Alison Kennedy
Alison Kennedy
Local time: 14:59
Italian to English
+ ...
Aug 11, 2005

This was sent to me by my sister in UK who knows that I am translating my way through the summer ... so for all those at work, here is a bit of light relief:-

Subject: The Four Cats!
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Local Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies. Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces into the glass without spilling a drop . Everyone agreed that was really cool.
Then the three men turned to the Local Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?" The Local Government Employee called his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet,
Ate the cookies,
Drank the milk,
Peed on the paper,
Screwed the other three cats,
Claimed he injured his back while doing so,
Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions,
Put in a claim for compensation,
And went home for the rest of the month on sick leave!


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Eva T
English to Albanian
+ ...
This is so funny Aug 11, 2005

Thanks Alison.

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Silvina Matheu  Identity Verified
Argentina
Local time: 09:59
Member
English to Spanish
Thanks for the touch of humour! Aug 11, 2005

Excellent! seems government employees are all alike, no matter where they come from.
Thanks!
Silvina


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Mafalda d'Orey de Faria  Identity Verified
Portugal
Local time: 13:59
Member
English to Portuguese
+ ...
Great ! Aug 11, 2005

Perfect in Portugal ! unfortunately.....

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cendrine marrouat
English to French
+ ...
Summer chuckles for translators Aug 11, 2005

Silvina Matheu wrote:

Excellent! seems government employees are all alike, no matter where they come from.
Thanks!
Silvina


Well, there are some funny specimens once in a while, that's for sure. But some of them government employees really work hard!


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Lars Jelking  Identity Verified
Israel
Local time: 15:59
Member (2006)
English to Swedish
+ ...
That's a good one! Aug 12, 2005

I guess we won't object if You have more such ones to share with us. It's feels good to laugh between the done pages.

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Alison Kennedy
Local time: 14:59
Italian to English
+ ...
TOPIC STARTER
I do have some other ones ... but this quite amusing ..... Aug 12, 2005

Lars Jelking wrote:

I guess we won't object if You have more such ones to share with us. It's feels good to laugh between the done pages.



YOU know you're living in 2005 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that
they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You go home after a long day at work and you still answer the phone
in a businesslike manner.

7. You make phone calls from home and you accidentally dial "9" to get
an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your mobile phone to see if
anyone is home.

13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the
screen.

14. Leaving the house without your mobile phone, which you didn't have
the first 20 or 30 years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you
turn around to go and fetch it.

15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile..

17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
message.

19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on
this list.


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Alison Kennedy
Local time: 14:59
Italian to English
+ ...
TOPIC STARTER
Ok, Lars - this is the last one ----- Aug 12, 2005

Otherwise, the moderator may be getting a bit peeved and I also put this into the wrong forum section.... oh well!

I am Anglo-irish catholic so catholic jokes appeal to me. Have a read of this one (again my sister)...

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
"Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy," asks the priest?
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And, who was the woman you were with?"
"I won't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I can't name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church for three months, be off with you now."

Tommy walks back to his pew.
His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Three month's vacation and five good leads," says Tommy.


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NancyLynn
Canada
Local time: 08:59
Member (2002)
French to English
+ ...

Moderator of this forum
Not peeved, but must keep on track Aug 16, 2005

Alison Kennedy wrote:
OK, the last one,
Otherwise, the moderator may be getting a bit peeved


Well I'm Franco-Irish Catholic (lots of us in Eastern Ontario and Western Québec) so I'm definitely not offended by this joke, although it is getting somewaht long in the tooth

I appreciate all contributions from members wishing to lighten the day of colleagues hard at work; b but I am bound to remind you all that the title of the forum is the Lighter Side of Translation and Interpretation

As Henry once told us at the Moderators' meeting, there are joke sites with many good jokes, religious sites with discussions of the Bible, coooking sites with excellent recipes, etc... We cannot offer all these services.

I let the first joke through, so now I must let the last one too but you're right, Alison, I have to moderate. I'm not peeved in the least, but please, translators and interpreters, let's keep our sticks on the ice (Canadianism)

Thanks again, and happy translating and interpreting!

Your faithful moderator,
Nancy

[Edited at 2005-08-16 18:18]


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Kirill Semenov  Identity Verified
Ukraine
Local time: 15:59
Member (2004)
English to Russian
+ ...
How do you know so much about me, Alison? :) Aug 16, 2005

Especially this fact?


15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.


By the way, I failed to find #9 in your list even after you'd said it's absent...


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NancyLynn
Canada
Local time: 08:59
Member (2002)
French to English
+ ...

Moderator of this forum
Source of many a boo-boo for me ;-) Aug 16, 2005

Kirill Semenov wrote:

Especially this fact?


15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.



Yep, I can identify with that one.

Nancy


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