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Off topic: Bad English - Hospital Chart Bloopers!
Thread poster: PB Trans
PB Trans

Local time: 21:52
French to English
+ ...
Jun 25, 2007

1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.


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texjax DDS PhD  Identity Verified
Local time: 16:52
Member (2006)
English to Italian
+ ...
Thank you so much! Jun 26, 2007

The best laughs I had in a long time!

Pina Broccoli wrote:

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.



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Anna Sylvia Villegas Carvallo
Mexico
Local time: 15:52
English to Spanish
Ohh, my...!! Jun 26, 2007

I was laughing so loud, my family thought I was dying!!



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PB Trans

Local time: 21:52
French to English
+ ...
TOPIC STARTER
Careful... Jun 26, 2007

Tadzio Carvallo wrote:

I was laughing so loud, my family thought I was dying!!



Be careful, you don't want to end up in the Bad Grammar Hospital!


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Hilde Granlund  Identity Verified
Norway
Local time: 22:52
English to Norwegian
+ ...
ha ha Jun 26, 2007



I'm a doctor. I only pray none of my charts look like this

[Edited at 2007-06-26 06:45]


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Henrik Pipoyan  Identity Verified
Local time: 00:52
Member (2004)
English to Armenian
The best therapy Jun 26, 2007

If hospitals had this list posted in the reception, half of the patients would return home right from the reception because they wouldn't need treatment any more, and the other half, because they wouldn't want to take the risk.

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megane_wang  Identity Verified
Spain
Local time: 22:52
English to Spanish
+ ...
Ha ha ha ha ha !!!! Jun 26, 2007

Henrik Pipoyan wrote:

If hospitals had this list posted in the reception, half of the patients would return home right from the reception because they wouldn't need treatment any more, and the other half, because they wouldn't want to take the risk.


I woul not have said it better!!!


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Kobe Vander Beken  Identity Verified
Peru
Local time: 15:52
English to Dutch
+ ...
Thank you Jun 26, 2007

I really needed this laugh

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megane_wang  Identity Verified
Spain
Local time: 22:52
English to Spanish
+ ...
At the office, we loved this one Jun 26, 2007

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.


... he might have had very good reasons!!

Ruth @ MW


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Marlou Franken  Identity Verified
Netherlands
Local time: 22:52
Member (2006)
English to Dutch
+ ...
:) :) Jun 26, 2007

I love this post, soooo funny!

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Jack Doughty  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 21:52
Member (2000)
Russian to English
+ ...
More medical howlers Jun 26, 2007

1. The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the paediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
2. The patient lives at home with his mother, father and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
3. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
5. The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
6. Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
7. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
8. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
9. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
10. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
11. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
12. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
13. The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
14. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
15. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his aircraft ran out of fuel and crashed.
16. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up.
17. Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.
18. The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.
19. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.


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Jenny Forbes  Identity Verified
Local time: 21:52
Member (2006)
French to English
+ ...
Hilarious Jun 26, 2007

marlou1911 wrote:

I love this post, soooo funny!


Thank you for making us all laugh.
There's the well known "I've been in bed with the doctor for a week but it doesn't seem to be doing me much good".
And "The teeth in my top jaw are fine, but the ones in my bottom are very painful".
Love,
Jenny.

[Edited at 2007-06-26 10:57]


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PB Trans

Local time: 21:52
French to English
+ ...
TOPIC STARTER
Origins Jun 26, 2007

Origins: This item is a subset of a larger list that appeared in one of Richard Lederer's several "Anguished English" collections of humorously mangled language, The Bride of Anguished English (2000), where the entries were described as "real-life doctors' dictations" submitted by the American Association of Medical Transcriptionists.

More info here: http://www.snopes.com/humor/lists/doctors.asp


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ICL  Identity Verified
Spain
Local time: 22:52
English to Spanish
+ ...
They're all really really funny, but... Jun 26, 2007

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.


... this one really caught my attention. "Circus sized"????? , LOL!

Btw, I had the same reaction as Tadzio, though in my case it was my cats who looked strangely at me... (right now nobody else is home except them...).

I'm definitely forwarding this one to friends by email...




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Liliana Roman-Hamilton  Identity Verified
Local time: 13:52
English to Italian
OMG, I really needed a good laugh Jun 26, 2007

Thanks guys for brightening up my day!

Shine on!

Lily


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