Off topic: W.O.R.K.
Thread poster: lingomania
lingomania
Local time: 06:47
Italian to English
Jul 7, 2007

Hello everyone. No, it's not a new powerful organization offering jobs around, but some funny thoughts put to paper by a colleague-friend of mine while having a break from a tedious translation. Enjoy....and laugh!

==================

Subject: Virus alert!

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and

by hand. This virus is called Weary-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If

you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via

any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life

completely.



If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two

good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as

Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or

Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote

repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.



You should forward this warning to your friends. If you do not have any

friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.


[Edited at 2007-07-07 20:44]


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Anne Goff  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 13:47
French to English
+ ...
Nice. Jul 8, 2007



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Tadej Kokalj  Identity Verified
Slovenia
Local time: 22:47
English to Slovenian
+ ...
One more Jul 8, 2007

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint... it goes like this:


What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more
than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone
wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What
makes up 100% in life?


Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
you answer these questions:

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.


Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%


So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that
While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude
will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing
that will put you over the top.


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Tadej Kokalj  Identity Verified
Slovenia
Local time: 22:47
English to Slovenian
+ ...
And another old one Jul 8, 2007

Memo to all students:

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than any other school. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our lecturers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Students who don't know S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, as they are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

For students who are intending to pursue a career in management and consultancy, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.). This course emphasizes on how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T. If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)


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Dragana Molnar M.A.  Identity Verified
Italy
Local time: 22:47
Member (2007)
Italian to German
+ ...
They may be old... Jul 8, 2007

...but they made me laugh on this busy Sunday afternoon!


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lingomania
Local time: 06:47
Italian to English
TOPIC STARTER
Good ones Jul 8, 2007

Good ones indeed! Thank you.

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Melzie
Local time: 22:47
French to English
+ ...
and people wonder why I work alone. Jul 8, 2007

EMPLOYEE DEVELOPMENT

This company is to introduce a Special High Intensity Training Program (S.H.I.T.) It is expected that our employees will be in the S.H.I.T. more than any other company's employees.

Once you have taken all the S.H.I.T. you may progress to out Complete Responsability Action Program (C.R.A.P.) for supervisors.

If you take all the C.R.A.P. you may apply for management and take our Advanced Supervisory Staff Helping Our Loyal Employees course (A.S.S.H.O.L.E.).

So work hard, take all the S.H.I.T. and C.R.A.P. and you will qualify as an A.S.S.H.O.L.E.

[Edited at 2007-07-08 18:45]


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