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Off topic: Puns: The lighter side of language
Thread poster: Parrot

Parrot  Identity Verified
Spain
Local time: 22:39
Member (2002)
Spanish to English
+ ...
Jan 26, 2008

I don't normally post this sort of thing, but I just had to share this:


1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says 'A beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common?' 'Well, 'It's Not Unusual'

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially Inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't -- I've cut off your arms!'

13. I went to a seafood disco last week . . . And pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel,and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. 'But why,' they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

And finally, there was the person who sent so many different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.


Happy weekend!

[Edited at 2008-01-26 18:44]


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Margreet Logmans  Identity Verified
Netherlands
Local time: 22:39
English to Dutch
+ ...
Thanks! Jan 26, 2008

I liked all 18 of them; took me a while to understand # 3 though.

Thanks! Happy weekend to you too!


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patyjs  Identity Verified
Mexico
Local time: 15:39
Spanish to English
+ ...
I loved them all! Jan 26, 2008

My favourite? Number 14.

Thanks for sharing, Parrot. Have a good one!


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Hilde Granlund  Identity Verified
Norway
Local time: 22:39
English to Norwegian
+ ...
hehe Jan 26, 2008

I just love this kind of thing Thanks!
And I always drive people nuts telling the few jokes I can remember...
(maybe I'll manage to add one or two of these..)

My favourite joke in English: (very old one...)

One strawberry to another: "If we hadn't been in the same bed together, we wouldn't be in this jam"

And my favourite Norwegian joke (apologies to non-Scandinavians):

- "Vet du hvorfor de ordblinde elgene sitter øverst i trærne?"
- "De tror de er skogens kongler."


Thanks for the light relief - I am working on a job that drives me nuts, so it was great to drop in here for a minute

PS
And I am morbid enough to like no 6 best

[Edited at 2008-01-26 20:38]


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Sheila Wilson  Identity Verified
Spain
Local time: 21:39
Member (2007)
English
+ ...
Thanks for sharing Jan 26, 2008

I particularly like the enormous difference in meaning that comes from a simple type, so 4 and 15 get my vote, but I really loved the one about 'no bull' - that one made my husband jump as I'd been silent for hours!

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Jack Doughty  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 21:39
Member (2000)
Russian to English
+ ...
Here's my two punn'orth Jan 26, 2008

A good pun is its own reword

• Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

• A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

• I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

• A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

• Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

• Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

• When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

• I chose the path less traveled, but only because I was lost.

• Life is really like a shower. One wrong turn and you're in hot water.

• Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

• Egotist meeting topic: An I for an I.

• Intense: Where campers sleep.

• Pasteurize: Too far to see.

• Propaganda: A gentlemanly goose.

• Subdued: A guy who works on one of those submarines.

• Toboggan: Why we go to an auction.


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Terry Gilman  Identity Verified
Germany
Local time: 22:39
Member (2003)
German to English
+ ...
These are exceptional Jan 26, 2008

Thank you, Parrot. With a really good list like this one, you elicit even more (see Jack's list).

I love the first one and 16-20 remind me of the more elaborate pun jokes told by Bob Steele at WTIC in Hartford, Conn. - great memories. The punchline of one of the best (about a German piano tuner) was "Opperknockity tunes only once!" Another one, about a watch, ended with "And that was Alexander's rag time band" (a very early innovation).

* * *

"I'm a bit of a Tom Swifty fan myself," she vented (aired).

http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=swifties&meta=


All the best,
Terry


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JaneTranslates  Identity Verified
Puerto Rico
Local time: 16:39
Member (2005)
Spanish to English
+ ...
A no bull endeavour. Jan 27, 2008

Parrot's "no bull" and "fsh," and Jack's "subdued," call for a repetition of my all-time favorite:

Descartes went into a bar.
The bartender asked, "Would you like something to drink?"
Descartes replied, "I think not," and disappeared.



Perhaps not a pun in the classic style, but just try telling it in a language other than English. Does it work in yours?


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Cilian O'Tuama
Local time: 22:39
German to English
+ ...
all amusing Jan 27, 2008

but #12 made me laugh:

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't -- I've cut off your arms!'


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Giles Watson  Identity Verified
Italy
Local time: 22:39
Italian to English
There's nothing funny about a pun... Jan 27, 2008

... if you have to translate it

I would love to find a translation - in any language - for Groucho Marx's brilliant: "Time flies like and arrow; fruit flies like a banana".

Cheers,

Giles


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Gianni Pastore  Identity Verified
Italy
Local time: 22:39
Member (2007)
English to Italian
Hee hee hee :) Jan 27, 2008

Very funny indeed, Parrot!
My fav is # 11, but I just don't get # 3. Can anyone explain it, please?
Cheers
Gianni


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patyjs  Identity Verified
Mexico
Local time: 15:39
Spanish to English
+ ...
Hi Gianni, Jan 27, 2008

the pun in #3 is in the words "a salted" ... it sounds like assaulted. Now you can laugh!

I'm having a problem understanding Jane's joke about Descartes. Someone needs to explain that to me!

Happy Sunday!

Paty


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Giles Watson  Identity Verified
Italy
Local time: 22:39
Italian to English
Descartes is famous for... Jan 27, 2008

... the dictum "I think therefore I am".

When he didn't think, he wasn't.

Cheers,

Giles


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Gianni Pastore  Identity Verified
Italy
Local time: 22:39
Member (2007)
English to Italian
Ahrahrahrahr :) Jan 27, 2008

patyjs wrote:

the pun in #3 is in the words "a salted" ... it sounds like assaulted. Now you can laugh!

I'm having a problem understanding Jane's joke about Descartes. Someone needs to explain that to me!

Happy Sunday!

Paty


Thank you, yes it's so obvious now that I feel a bit dumb for not having got it straightaway
G


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xxxBrandis
Local time: 22:39
English to German
+ ...
all have made me laugh... Jan 27, 2008

Here is something from our past. We used to visit a so called japanese law flied or baked. DUCK, we did not go because it was a japanese restaurant, but the baked duck was gleat. We were mostly 4-5 people going there legularly, one evening the so called owner ( thele wele always somany changes) tlied to get into convulsation with us. Older please he said, we said DUCK as always " ah flied" we thought we were the only ones. But the DUCK he made was always excellent. I hope he gets to lead it. Blandis. p.s no harm meant, I know in japan people really spell out "R" All of you may have to excuse me for this.

[Edited at 2008-01-27 16:38]


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