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How not to ......funny translations
Thread poster: Dave Greatrix

Dave Greatrix  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 01:11
Member (2002)
Dutch to English
+ ...
Jan 20, 2002

Sign in a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT



Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS



In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN



Outside a farm: HORSE MANURE 50p PER PREPACKED BAG; 20p DO IT YOURSELF



In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD



On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR.

(THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)



English sign in a German cafe: MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING



Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES,

ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?



Sign outside a new town hall to be opened by the Prince of Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN

TOMORROW.



Outside a photographer\'s studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO.



Seen at the side of a Sussex road: SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.



Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME



Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.



Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish: DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LITTER LOUTS AND VANDALS, WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER



Notice in a dry cleaner\'s window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.



Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS



Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS



Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR



Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN\'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR



Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES



Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS



Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR-THE BELL DOESN\'T WORK)



Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT



Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW



Sign on a clairvoyants door: CLOSED DUE TO UNFORSEEN CIRCUMSTANCES.



Regards to all, and hope you had a good weekend.



Dave.



[ This Message was edited by: on 2002-01-20 19:26 ]


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CLS Lexi-tech
Local time: 20:11
Member (2004)
English to Italian
+ ...
Very funny... thanks Jan 20, 2002

and to say thanks, the latest I received on Microsoft:



\"The day Microsoft makes something that doesn\'t suck, it will be a vacuum cleaner.\"



cheers



paola l m



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xxxA-MMI  Identity Verified
Malaysia
Local time: 08:11
English to Malay
+ ...
Thank you Jan 20, 2002

Very entertaining!

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Maya Jurt  Identity Verified
Switzerland
Local time: 02:11
Member (2002)
French to German
+ ...
Great stuff - but mostly not translations Jan 20, 2002

I had a great laugh, thank you. But it seems to me that the samples are not translations, but the real stuff. Thatis the real fun.

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Anneken
Local time: 02:11
French to Dutch
+ ...
You brightened up a dreary Sunday afternoon - Thanks! Jan 20, 2002

Thanks for the good jokes!



Anneken


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Shila
United States
Local time: 20:11
Russian to English
+ ...
Thank you Jan 20, 2002

Good jokes!!



Shila


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Oleg Rudavin  Identity Verified
Ukraine
Local time: 03:11
Member (2003)
English to Ukrainian
+ ...
Probably seen by many already, still... Jan 20, 2002

REDMOND, WA--Microsoft today released to the press a copy of the error codes

that will be incorporated into their new operating system, Windows XP.

Reportedly, multi-billionaire Microsoft tycoon Bill Gates stated, \"This is

the best set of error codes yet!\"

Even so, we will reserve judgment until we have had a chance to put the new

operating system to the test.

These are the new error codes. Judge for yourselves.

Winerr 000

- Unexpected Intelligent User Encountered

Winerr 001

- Intimidation Failed; Attempting to Crash Repeatedly

Winerr 002

- Erroneous Error; No Error Occurred (Yet)

Winerr 003

- RAM Depleted; Annex Japan (Y/N)?

Winerr 004

- Deluxe Error. Please Send $275 to Upgrade Your Error

Winerr 005

- Long File Name Error; Drive C: Erased to Make Room for Filename

Winerr 006

- Insufficient RAM to Crash Properly; Attempting Fake crash

Winerr 007

- Alphanumeric Sequence \"OS2\" Prohibited

Winerr 008

- This License Has Expired; Your Computer Will Shut Down Until You Purchase Another Copy

Winerr 009

- Error Buffer Overflow; Too Many Errors

Winerr 00A

- Non-Microsoft Application Encountered; Deleting Application From System

Winerr 00B

- Push Error; Erasing Files to Make Room for Advertisement

Winerr 00C

- Abnormal Continuation; Windows Loaded Correctly This Time

Winerr 00D

- User Error; Lemming Not Found

Winerr 00E

- Open Standard Encountered; Attempting to Redmondize

Winerr 00F

- Reserved for Future Coding Errors

Winerr 010

- Virus Error - Other Applications Will Be Closed Instead

Winerr 011

- Orwell Not Found; You Must Use MSN

Winerr 012

- Cash Underflow - Credit Card Number Will Be Assimilated

Winerr 013

- Keyboard Error; User Must Learn to Slow Down

Winerr 014

- User Error; Reading License Agreement Mandatory to Continue

Winerr 015

- Error Message Deleted

Winerr 016

- Expected Error Did Not Occur; Attempting to Restart Error

Sequence

Winerr 017

- Multitasking Attempted; System Confused

Winerr 018

- Network Error - Your Crash Will Be Replicated to All Stations

Winerr 019

- Freedom-of-Choice Error; Select a Microsoft Browser To Continue

Winerr 01A

- Insult Detected -- Your Bill Gates Joke Will Be Deleted

Winerr 01B

- Error Removing Temporary File; a Permanent File Will Be Substituted

Winerr 01C

- Oops; Wrong Disk Formatted. Sorry About That.

Winerr 01D

- Mandatory Error Inserted to Meet Error Quota

Winerr 01E

- Please Insert Your Favorite Error Here

Winerr 01F

- Error In Progress; Please Wait....

Winerr 020

- Unknown Error Occurred But Was Lost. Windows Will Try To Remember

Winerr 021

- Error Parsing Error List; Please Wait For Next Error

Winerr 022

- Upgrade Error; Please Format Your Drive And Reinstall Everything



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Sarah Dean
French to English
+ ...
another head scratcher... Jan 21, 2002

An American public service announcement for literacy programs tells illiterate people to \"look under LEARN in the yellow pages\" for literacy programs on their area...that one always gets me!





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Uschi (Ursula) Walke  Identity Verified
Local time: 10:11
German to English
+ ...
This is so delightful, Jan 21, 2002

thank you verrry much !!!



Uschi


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Medved
Ukraine
Local time: 03:11
English to Russian
+ ...
Lmao Jan 21, 2002

What they say when they\'re short of words in a chat? Lmao? Lmao then!!!!!!!!!

Thanks,

Alex

P.S. I wish you could understand Russian, Iwould certainly make you laugh.......


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Dave Greatrix  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 01:11
Member (2002)
Dutch to English
+ ...
TOPIC STARTER
Another Gem - IMHO Jan 21, 2002

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.



We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.



We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We\'ve learned how to make a living, but not a life; We\'ve added years to life, not life to years.



We\'ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbour. We\'ve conquered outer space, but not inner space; We\'ve done larger things, but not better things; We\'ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we\'ve split the atom, but not our prejudice; we write more, but learn less; we plan more, but accomplish less. We\'ve learned to rush, but not to wait; We have higher incomes, but lower morals; We have more food, but less appeasement; We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; We\'ve become long on quantity, but short on quality.



These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships. These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.



These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet, to kill.



It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to make a difference, or just turn the page...



Author Unknown ?



Food for thought,



Dave.











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