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Who can relate to this?
Thread poster: Dave Greatrix

Dave Greatrix  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 21:21
Dutch to English
+ ...
Mar 14, 2002

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.

He descended a bit more and shouted, \"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don\'t know where I am.\"



The woman below replied, \"You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.\"



\"You must be an engineer,\" said the balloonist.



\" I am,\" replied the woman, \"How did you know?\"



\"Well,\" answered the balloonist, \"everything you told me is, technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you\'ve not been much help so far.\"



The woman below responded, \"You must be in Management.\"



\"I am,\" replied the balloonist, \"but how did you know?\"



\"Well,\" said the woman, \"you don\'t know where you are or where you are going. You have risen, to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems.



The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow it\'s my fault.\"









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Mary Worby  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 21:21
Member
German to English
+ ...
Brilliant! Mar 14, 2002

Thanks for that, David! It\'s put a smile on my face!

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Jacek Krankowski  Identity Verified
English to Polish
+ ...
Encore! Mar 14, 2002

What David told above is known to me as a lawyer joke... Here is another, very topical one:



Once upon a time a shepherd was herding his large flock of sheep just off

of the edge of a deserted dirt road.



Suddenly a brand new Jeep Cherokee screeched to a halt next to him. The

driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban

glasses, and a YSL tie got out and said \"If I guess how many sheep you do

have, will you give me one of them?\"



The shepherd looked at the young man, then at the sheep which grazed as

far as he could see and said \"OK.\"



The young man re-entered his car, connected his laptop and the mobile,

entered a NASA site; then scanned the ground using his GPS, opened a data

base and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms, then printed a 5-page

report on his high-tech mini-printer. After a quick scan of the report, he

turned to the shepherd and said: \"You have exactly 1586 sheep here.\"



\"That\'s correct, you can have your sheep\" answered the shepherd.



The young man picked up his choice and put in the back of his jeep.



The shepherd asked him \"If I guess your profession, will you give it back

to me?\"



The young man smiled and said \"Sure, why not?\"



Without hesitating the shepherd said \"You are an Arthur Andersen or KMPG

consultant!\"



\"KMPG, but how did you know?\" asked the young man.



\"Very simple\", answered the shepherd. \"First, you come here uninvited;

second, you charged me to tell me something I already knew and third, you

do not understand my business, because you just put my dog in your Jeep!\"





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Steffen Pollex  Identity Verified
Local time: 22:21
English to German
+ ...
I am shocked! :-) (not to be taken seroius) Mar 14, 2002

Hey, guys, your jokes are pretty faregoing. At least, I worked for the one with the four lwtters for almost six years. This is really not amusing!



(In fact, I found the stories very much to the point and sent them out to my mates whom I worked with at KPMG, so that they would have a laugh, too).



Thanks a lot!

Steffen


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Jacek Krankowski  Identity Verified
English to Polish
+ ...
Disclaimer: No offence! Mar 14, 2002

In fact, I did have a second, politically correct, thought after posting my joke, but then, as I mentioned, they are pretty universal (I have also seen the balloon one with accountants in it rather than lawyers). So, you are free to edit/interpret them as you please.



That was meant for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, or any body corporate, partnership, unincorporated joint venture or other unincorporated entity is unintentional and pureley coincidental. Void where prohibited. Keep away from children. Some restrictions may apply. No other warranty expressed or implied. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. All models over 18 years of age. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Do not write below this line.


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Clarisa Moraña  Identity Verified
Argentina
Local time: 18:21
Member (2002)
English to Spanish
+ ...
We do have the same jokes in Spanish! Mar 14, 2002

There is a Spanish version of both! And my husband, an engineer, loves both!

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Jane Lamb-Ruiz  Identity Verified
French to English
+ ...
Relief from the grinding stupidity Mar 14, 2002

Felt like I just went paragliding, wind surfing or sailing....



Hurray. Good stuff and thanx for the stories.


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Beth Kantus  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 16:21
German to English
thanks and another one Mar 14, 2002

Hi, thanks for the jokes, I enjoyed them. Here\'s two more in the same vein, my engineer husband loves the last one (of course he would):



You know how the optimist thinks a glass is half full and the pessimist thinks it\'s half empty? Well, an engineer comes along, takes a look, and says \"Hey, that glass is twice as big as it needs to be!\"



xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



An engineering group and several managers from the same company are traveling by train to a conference. Each manager has a ticket, but the engineers only have one ticket for the whole group. Suddenly one of the engineers calls out “Here comes the conductor!” and all the engineers squeeze into one of the bathrooms. The conductor checks the managers’ tickets, sees that the bathroom is occupied, knocks on the door and says: “Ticket, please!” One of the engineers slides a ticket under the door, the conductor checks it, and goes on to the next wagon.



For the return trip the managers decide to use the same trick and purchase just one ticket for the whole group. They are puzzled when they notice that the engineers don’t have any tickets at all this time. Again, one of the engineers calls out “Here comes the conductor!” Immediately, the managers all rush into one of the bathrooms, while the engineers slowly stroll toward the other bathroom. Before going into the bathroom, the last of the engineers knocks on the other bathroom door and says: “Ticket, please!”



And the moral of the story:

Managers employ engineering methods without really understanding them.







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Kim Metzger  Identity Verified
Mexico
Local time: 15:21
German to English
Speaking of hot air Mar 14, 2002




[ This Message was edited by: on 2002-03-15 20:32 ]


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Beth Kantus  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 16:21
German to English
great disclaimer Mar 15, 2002

[quote]

On 2002-03-14 14:16, jacek wrote:

...

That was meant for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,...



Hi Jacek,

I love that disclaimer - and plan to use it myself (with author credit to you, of course) the next time an appropriate opportunity presents itself!


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John Kinory
Local time: 21:21
English to Hebrew
+ ...
The hot-air balloon story Mar 17, 2002

This is, of course, a Chinese whispers version of the real incident, in which a helicopter was lost in fog in Washington state. The pilot held a piece of card to the window, saying \'Where are we?\'. The person being asked for directions was in a skyscraper, and held up a card saying \'In a helicopter\'. The neon sign on the skyscraper read \'Microsoft\'.
[addsig]


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Jacek Krankowski  Identity Verified
English to Polish
+ ...
John has made my day! Mar 17, 2002

and Beth, my disclaimer has elements borrowed from similar compilations you can find on the Web. Be my guest!



J.


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