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My first translation of English poetry into Spanish
Thread poster: two2tango

two2tango  Identity Verified
Argentina
Local time: 05:24
Member
English to Spanish
+ ...
Mar 14, 2004

Hi friends,

The one and only Jack Doughty sent me once this beautiful and powerful poem by Percy Bysshe Shelley. I am more on the side of the technical translations, but I got so moved by these verses that I felt like translating them into Spanish.

OZYMANDIAS

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said:—Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamp'd on these lifeless things,
The hand that mock'd them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains: round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Percy Bysshe Shelley

**************************************

OZYMANDIAS

Me relató un viajero de una tierra remota
que dos enormes piernas de basalto gastado
se yerguen en la arena del desierto, y un rostro
quebrado y medio hundido puede verse a su lado.

Bien leyó el escultor la pasión poderosa
que aún en la roca muerta parece tener vida:
el corazón fogoso, el gesto de comando,
y los fruncidos labios y la mirada altiva.

El pedestal proclama su mensaje borroso:
"Mi nombre es Ozmandias, rey de todos los reyes:
y al contemplar mis obras desmaya el poderoso".

Nada más permanece, un silencio de muerte
cubre a la decadencia del colosal naufragio
y al triste mar de arena, solitario e inerte...

Percy Bysshe Shelley
Translated by Enrique Cavalitto


[Edited at 2004-03-14 18:19]


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Jack Doughty  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 08:24
Member (2000)
Russian to English
+ ...
My first experience translating Spanish poetry into English Mar 14, 2004

The one and only Enrique Cavalitto once published a poem he had written as a young man. I am also mainly a technical translator (not from Spanish), and though my Spanish is not very good, I made an attempt to translate it.

Aprendizaje

Un día me enseñaron
que la luz es un flujo de fotones,
que el color no es color sino frecuencia,
que la brisa es un juego de presiones...

Me enseñaron que el mágico arco iris
es un caso vulgar de refracción,
y el tránsito de Febo por los cielos?
la prosaica terrestre rotación!

Las estrellas no son diamantes puros.
Otra vez engañosas ilusiones!
Son esferas de hidrógeno que irradian
por sus termonucleares reacciones.

Y el sonido es el aire que se mueve
con vibraciones longitudinales
(aprendí a calcular sus ecuaciones
para colmo de males)

Tuve una simple angustia y me dijeron
¨son conflictos del Yo con el ambiente¨.
Ahora tengo psicosis paranoica...
qué angustia inteligente!

Dormir es un estado fisiológico...
Al diablo con Morfeo! Todo es lógico!

Y así, sobre libros estudiando
en jornadas sin ocio,
fui cambiando ilusiones por verdades...
No sé si hice negocio!

Enrique Cavalitto
18 años

Learning the Hard Way

They taught me one day in the class
That light is just photons one sees;
That chlorophyll colours the grass;
Pressure difference causes the breeze.

That a rainbow, beyond all surmise,
Is refraction, needs no explanation.
And Phoebus traversing the skies
Is simply the planet’s rotation.

The stars are not diamond jewels.
Another poetic illusion!
They are hydrogen spheres, which are fuelled
By intense thermonuclear fusion.

And sound is just air on the move,
In linear waves and vibrations;
And to make matters worse, I can prove
The truth of all this by equations.

I felt on the brink of a void.
They said “Ego and Id have upset you.”
(But the fact that you feel paranoid
Doesn’t mean that they aren’t out to get you!)

Sleep is something that’s physiological.
Forget about Morpheus! Be logical!

So, studying books in my youth,
With no leisure, just work to endure,
I’ve been trading illusions for truth.
Good business? I’m not at all sure!


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two2tango  Identity Verified
Argentina
Local time: 05:24
Member
English to Spanish
+ ...
TOPIC STARTER
A clear improvement Mar 14, 2004

Jack Doughty wrote:

I am also mainly a technical translator (not from Spanish), and though my Spanish is not very good, I made an attempt to translate it.


Master Jack,
It is unusual to find such a clear example of a translator improving on the original! I definitely prefer your version!
Cheers,
Enrique


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Magda Dziadosz  Identity Verified
Poland
Local time: 09:24
Member (2004)
English to Polish
+ ...
Thank you gentlemen :) Mar 15, 2004

for this lovely break during otherwise busy Sunday...



Magda


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Tania Marques-Cardoso  Identity Verified
Brazil
Local time: 06:24
Member (2006)
English to Portuguese
+ ...
Nice to meet you Mar 15, 2004

Hello!

Even though most of the translations I have been doing for the last 15 years are technical, I am a poetry lover and have always translated poetry for the sake pleasure. It is really good to know that colleagues at proz.com sometimes do the same in their spare time...

Cheers!


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Henry Hinds  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 01:24
English to Spanish
+ ...
OZYMANDIAS Mar 15, 2004

Igualmente, siempre me ha gustado el mismo poema, incluso alguna vez lo traduje pero ya ni me acuerdo dónde está la traducción. A lo mejor lo intento de nuevo.

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Ines Garcia Botana  Identity Verified
Local time: 05:24
Member
English to Spanish
+ ...
Qué placer para el alma... Mar 15, 2004

¡Gracias por compartirlo con nosotros!

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Andrea Ali  Identity Verified
Argentina
Local time: 05:24
Member (2003)
English to Spanish
+ ...
Quique, Jack / Jack, Quique Mar 15, 2004

I am still gaping...

Thank you both!!!

Andrea


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sviaggio  Identity Verified
English to Spanish
Very good translations, both Mar 15, 2004

and Jack's Cavalitto is indeed better than Cavalitto's Cavalitto. (Shelley is o focurse, mucho tougher to improve upon).

sergio


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claudia bagnardi  Identity Verified
Local time: 05:24
English to Spanish
+ ...
There is no end to your talents!!! Mar 15, 2004

Thanks Enrique and Jack.
Very nice pieces.
Claudia


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xxxElena Sgarbo  Identity Verified
Italian to English
+ ...
Agree :-) Mar 15, 2004

claudia bagnardi wrote:
Thanks Enrique and Jack.
Very nice pieces.
Claudia




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Berni Armstrong  Identity Verified
Local time: 09:24
Member
English
+ ...
A doggerel response to pure poesy :-) Mar 25, 2004

An Argentine poet, Enric,
Just left me unable to speak.
His version of Shelley,
Should be on the telly,
On that programme called Poetry Week!

Jack translated some verse,
And instead of the author’s curse,
He gained his true praise,
For his new turn of phrase,
And declared it was better not worse


[Edited at 2004-03-25 21:54]


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Rosa Elena Lozano Arton  Identity Verified
Mexico
Local time: 02:24
Member (2007)
English to Spanish
+ ...
Excelente no cabe duda que cuando algo bello nos alcanza, no podemos negarnos a disfrutarlo, Apr 28, 2004

two2tango wrote:

Hi friends,

The one and only Jack Doughty sent me once this beautiful and powerful poem by Percy Bysshe Shelley. I am more on the side of the technical translations, but I got so moved by these verses that I felt like translating them into Spanish.

OZYMANDIAS

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said:—Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamp'd on these lifeless things,
The hand that mock'd them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains: round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Percy Bysshe Shelley

**************************************

OZYMANDIAS

Me relató un viajero de una tierra remota
que dos enormes piernas de basalto gastado
se yerguen en la arena del desierto, y un rostro
quebrado y medio hundido puede verse a su lado.

Bien leyó el escultor la pasión poderosa
que aún en la roca muerta parece tener vida:
el corazón fogoso, el gesto de comando,
y los fruncidos labios y la mirada altiva.

El pedestal proclama su mensaje borroso:
"Mi nombre es Ozmandias, rey de todos los reyes:
y al contemplar mis obras desmaya el poderoso".

Nada más permanece, un silencio de muerte
cubre a la decadencia del colosal naufragio
y al triste mar de arena, solitario e inerte...

Percy Bysshe Shelley
Translated by Enrique Cavalitto


[Edited at 2004-03-14 18:19]


Direct link Reply with quote
 


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