Mariela Diaz-Butler United States Local time: 16:45 English to Spanish + ...
I wouldn't sweat it
Dec 4, 2009
My oldest son didn't even speak more than mommy and daddy by the age of 3. Now he's 6 and there's no way of shutting him up, so...
I did put him in speech therapy, and that did work, so there's merit in that. However, if anybody tells you to stop one of the languages, run, run fast in the other direction and never look back! The biggest mistake I made was to stop speaking Spanish to my son (following the misguided advice of some woman who worked at the speech screening place), and now he won't speak it. He understands it, but he won't speak it. What is worse, I have an even harder time speaking in Spanish to my youngest son, because now I have this mental block that it will somehow mess him up... (sigh)
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KSL Berlin Germany Local time: 22:45 German to English
Ignore the fools
Dec 4, 2009
Your child will be fine. When the experts and well-meaning monolingual monkeys start giving you advice, smile, nod politely and ignore them.
My step-daughters grew up with Dutch, German and English (the last added at ages 4 & 6), and although in their early years there were occasional amusing mixups ("bellen" in NL & DE, for example), it's obvious looking at where they are now as adults that not only did trilingualism at an early age not harm them, it was of great benefit. It might also have been of help when they added other languages later.
What might look like "slow" in early years will most likely develop wonderfully later. One girl was so slow to speak at all that her mother was seriously worried, and compared to her more effusive sister she seemed like a laggard for years, but her adult command of language and nuance in several languages probably puts mine to shame. Every child develops individually of course and has its own unique gifts, but just ignore any silly suggestions of harm from exposure to a diverse linguistic environment. The odds are very much against such a thing.
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My daughter will be three on December 8. I speak to her in Spanish (we were both born in Mexico), her dad speaks to her in English, and we live in Brazil, so she goes to school (maternalzinho) in Portuguese. She understands both me and her dad without a problem, but she speaks mostly Portuguese. At the beginning, she was a very quiet child, like if she were trying to figure out why people spoke to her in different languages. But as she felt more confident at school, her Portuguese flourished. She sometimes mixes in a word or two in English or Spanish; for instance, she prefers to say "please" rather that "por favor", and "colita" for a ponytail, instead of "rabinho de cavalho". But other than that, I am totally sure that being exposed to three languages will not hurt her, and no teacher or therapist would convince me of anything else. We have to let her develop at her own rhythm, as her experiences are different than those from the average kids here or anywhere else, who are only exposed to one or two languages. We will soon relocate again (to Colombia) so she will start using her Spanish. I feel sad that she will "loose" her Portuguese, but I am sure she will not. I mean, I believe it will remain stored somewhere in her brain and will come back if she ever needs to use it again (this is what happened to me with Italian, but at a much later age).
Therapists opinions can be a problem when a parent is feeling very insecure or confused. So feel confident that you are doing the right thing, that there are thousands of kids experiencing the same as your child without any problem, and then maybe listen to what the experts have to say. I still remember a psychologist trying to convince my sister to make her daughter repeat the first year of elementary school because she was the youngest of her class and would "find it hard to keep up with the rest". Luckily, my sister did not listen to this advice, and now my niece is one of the best students not only from her class, but from her school.
Children are truly amazing, and I am learning every day not to underestimate them.
¡Confía en tu intuición y buena surte!
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Tomás Cano Binder, CT Spain Local time: 22:45 Member (2005) English to Spanish + ...
The happy approach
Dec 4, 2009
Aguas de Marco wrote:
We have to let her develop at her own rhythm, as her experiences are different than those from the average kids here or anywhere else, who are only exposed to one or two languages.
These are wise words indeed.
Although I understand that bilingual couples feel that raising a child bi- or trilingual makes total sense, I think it is important to remember not to put an excessive pressure, like forcing her/him to speak some language that is foreign even for parents as I have seen sometimes. For instance, parents who are both Spanish but decide that the mother or the father will only speak to the child in English, not a mother tongue of the parent.
As long as it all feels just natural, each parent speaking his/her mother tongue and with no excessive effort on anyone, everything will be fine and the child will develop naturally and happy. To me, happiness is the main point in small children as being happy in early childhood helps intelligence, and an intelligent person can learn whatever he/she may wish in the long run. An unhappy child will either be less intelligent or plain mean at a later age...
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For me was very important to keep my language alive and that my child also learned, because one day when she starts asking questions from my culture and background I want to give her the chance to understand where I come from and also her dad.
We both come from totally different backgrounds and the fact that our children will one day have many questions about it, encourage us to start by teaching then our own languages.
I once read an article relating to multilingual families and it said that up to the age of 5, the child has the amazing capacity of learning because their brain is still developing.
I didn't aspect though that she will take that long to communicate fluently. Don't take me wrong, she does talk a lot, but still sometimes in baby talk and with one or two word sentences and that did worry me, because I thought that she might not be ready for a 'big school' yet.
I also read somewhere that children who are bilingual or trilingual, will have a learning advantage over other children, because their brain is already trained since early age.
My worry was that exposing her to 3 languages at the same time could affect her speech and that she might get delay at school for that.
My husband and I agree that given her and our future child the gift of our home languages since early age, will open doors for her in the future.
I do agree totally that she must grow at her own peace and when she is ready to speak fluently she will.
Monica
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Leticia Rigano Spain Local time: 22:45 Spanish to English + ...
Keep the multilingual environment :)
Dec 4, 2009
I agree with most of the repliers.
This is my experience.
I was raised in a multilingual environment (different languages and a same language's dialects).My mother's also warried at the time because I was about 2,5 years old and I barely spoke one of the languages, mine was a "mixed" own language. She went to a Specialist, and he said it was normal because of the environment. The situation went like this: I was born in Caracas, Venezuela; my mom spoke in Spanish (from Uruguay), then my father (Italian), my Italian grandparents: in Sicilian dialect (wich is a VERY different language in Italy, even if considered a dialect).
Anyway, in this context, I was mixing words in different languages, and in contact with other Venezuelan children it was hard to communicate. I started to speak fluenty when I was almost 3. Of course, I don't remember all this situation...I was a little child
It's true, as someone said before, it's just when you are around 10 that you can recognize and separate each language. I affirm this because, when I was about 8, we lived in different countries in Europe, mainly Italy and Switzerland. Specially in Switzerland, in the French region, I was in contact with completely different languages (French and English- this one at school), and it was pretty easy for me to learning them, thanks to my languages background, I think!
And look, now I've become a professional Interpreter and a Translator in 4 languages, having 2 and even 3 native languages (Spanish, Italian and French). And I have done some communication levels in Arabic and Russian - and it was no so difficult as I thought.
It doesn't mean that they will become Translators or Interpreters - we hope they'll do - but they will be familiar with languages and learning another one will be not very complicated. It depends on the child's abilities of course, but for sure this plurilingual environment is a plus!
I recommend you to keep talking to your children in different languages...in the end they will be greatful for that!! Of course not when they are teenagers!! (Just kidding)
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Alexandra Goldburt United States Local time: 13:45 English to Russian + ...
Could not agree with Berni more
Dec 4, 2009
Berni Armstrong wrote:
Most of us already have an artificially inflated respect for such people.
Absolutely true! Our society looks at the so-called "experts" about the same way that medieval Europe looks at priests - as somebody through whom God himself speaks. I trust modern "experts" no more than I would a medieval priest.
Generally, we automatically assume that they must know their job. Therefore, their advice is given more weight than say advice from a friend or relative on the issue.
I couldn't have said it better myself.
I was not warning against speech therapists in general. If your child has a real problem (auditory or labia-dental, etc,) then such people are obvious life savers.
There are indeed some situations when experts can be quite useful.
But from the experience of many people on the list that I mentioned I would warn people that they should check a therapist's experience of multi-lingual kids before accepting his or her advice on the issue.
Quite correct.
[quote]On the List we had folks who deeply regretted listening to monolingual therapists advising them to drop their language and "just use the dominant language of the area until the child is old enough to learn another language". By following that advice, a vital window in which the child would simply absorb another language rather than have to study it, was lost forever.[quote] I can only add that the list of people harmed by the advice of all sort of "experts" (doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, "credentialed" teachers, etc.) is probably longer than the list of people who have been helped by them.
Hey I just noticed that "therapists" is spelt the same as "the rapists"
In other words - beware!
Decades ago, Dr. Benjamin Spock told mothers to trust their hearts more than the "experts" advice - and that was an advice that will never be outdated.
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KSL Berlin Germany Local time: 22:45 German to English
Wise words
Dec 4, 2009
Alexandra Goldburt wrote:
I trust modern "experts" no more than I would a medieval priest.
Smart lady. That covers a wide range of situations, including this one.
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Tracy Greenwood United States Local time: 16:45 Japanese to English
What's best for your situation?
Dec 4, 2009
It's basic psychology that people will give advice that is best suited to their own situation, not yours.
I am from the US, and my wife is from Japan. We both speak English and Japanese fluently. We speak only Japanese at home.
My brother lives in Denmark, and is fluent in Danish. His wife is fluent in English. He insists on the 1 parent 1 language method. But that is what is most correct for his situation. His children start English classes very young. So he will have support for the English he is teaching his children.
If we stay in this school district, our daughter will not have a Japanese class until high school. And even then the teacher will likely not be Japanese. So having my wife be the only person she speaks with will not work. I have seen many Japanese/American couples try the 1 parent 1 language model in the US and fail miserably if the child is not going to Japanese classes (Kumon, for example). The Japanese parent speaks Japanese and the child answers in English. Sad. A huge opportunity lost.
My mother is upset that my daughter only speaks Japanese right now. But we are staying strong. We know what's best for our child. My mother knows what's best for her. She is in a hurry to hear my daughter say, "I love you, Grandma." But that's another story. She's a very demanding person and has no idea how to make a simple request, only demands.
Bottom line, my brother does what is best for his children. The culture he lives in supports bilingualism. We do what's best for our daughter. The culture we live in does not support bilingualism. His situation is not the same as mine.
I agree with Alexandra about Dr. Spock. The parents know what's best for the child. I would add that friends and family think they know what's best for the child, but they really only know what's best for themselves.
I also disagree with 'experts' about whether knowing a foreign language makes children more intelligent. If I did not learn Spanish and spend time with Spanish-speaking families (or the same with Japanese-speaking families) I would have missed out on many experiences. My life is definitely richer and more rewarding because I speak Japanese and Spanish as well as English. I can't imagine my life without 3 languages.
Not to mention, my Japanese has helped me get work that nobody else could get, even if it's not the main job duty. And even lawyers I work with (I am waiting on my bar exam results) think I am smart because they hear me speak Japanese on the phone. It just blows them away.
So my career is totally different than it would have been if I did not know Japanese.
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lizette britz Spain Local time: 22:45 Member (2008) English to Spanish + ...
Children are sponges
Dec 4, 2009
I have two young daughters, one is 8 and the other one just turned 4. I speak both English and Spanish, and my husband speaks Spanish and Catalan.
When the oldest was born I was supposed to speak to her in English but I could not bring myself to do it. I spoke in Spanish to her, but read and sang to her in English. I also made sure that if she watched TV it was in English. My husband spoke to her in Catalan. When she started going to daycare, her caregivers only spoke to her in Catalan. At 3, she started going to school. In her school the main language spoken is Catalan, and they start teaching them English since preschool. Although at first she did not speak English, she did understand it and had an easier time with the language. Last year, her English teacher spoke with me, she had thought at first that my daughter was cheating in class, but later found out that she was just shy. The reason was that my daughter did not participate much in class, but did not make mistakes on the exercises. Now her teacher cannot make her be quiet This year she started having science class in English and she is doing well. I tell her that she knows more English than she thinks. She is able to change from Spanish to Catalan depending on the person she is talking to. I keep telling her that if she keeps practicing her English one day she will inherit the family business LOL
Now my youngest daughter is another story. I spoke a little bit more in English with her and I also read and sang to her, and made sure that everything she watched or heard was in English. In her daycare her caregivers spoke in Spanish to her, but my husband spoke to her in Catalan. She goes to the same school as her sister. She speaks both Spanish and Catalan, and likes her English. She is always singing the songs that she learns in her English classes at school. And if you speak to her in English she will answer in Spanish. She says that Catalan is only for school. She did not start to speak properly until this year.
As they are getting older is harder to get them to hear or listen to English. I put the TV programs on English, they switch them to Spanish or Catalan. So... I made a rule they can watch as much TV as they want but only if it is in English I also make sure their video games are in English and that the time they spend playing in the Internet is on English sites. I do the same with the books they read.
Liz
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Berni Armstrong wrote:
Most of us already have an artificially inflated respect for such people.
Absolutely true! Our society looks at the so-called "experts" about the same way that medieval Europe looks at priests - as somebody through whom God himself speaks. I trust modern "experts" no more than I would a medieval priest.
I just had to quote this, as these are wise words indeed.
This is all too very true in every area nowadays, not only with doctors and therapists - it seems in every area of life, most people need someone (a so-called of "expert") to tell them what to do, they just don't trust their own instincts... But this is getting off-topic.
Back to the actual topic, my second child (due in early March) is going to experience the similar 3 language-situation as the thread starter's - Finnish from me, Portuguese from the father, and English with which we communicate with each other. Let's hope for the best (for the families of both of us)!
[Edited at 2009-12-05 09:50 GMT]
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Janis Abens Latvia Local time: 23:45 Swedish to English + ...
Seems normal enough
Apr 1, 2010
My first three children were raised bilingually (Latvian/Swedish). My eldest son (who is now 26 and also fluent in English, which is not uncommon in Sweden) didn't say more than "uh" and point at things until he was about three. I recall my concern with some amusement, but parents are hardwired to worry about their kids, so not much to be done about that.
The next son has spent time in Latin America and Germany and is now somewhat functional in five languages.
both he and his younger sister began speaking at an unremarkable age
My youngest son (9) now attends an international school in a trilingual environment and appears to have normal verbal and reading skills in English, Swedish and Latvian.
My personal experience is that the more languages one learns at an early age, the easier it is to learn additional languages, and has little to do with how smart or talented a child is.
It should appear obvious that the more references you have in your head, the easier it is to file away a new piece of information and later recall it in the correct context.
In addition, language is a gateway to culture. Denying a child additional languages, ostensibly to help the child focus on a primary language, also inevitably closes the gate to cultures that otherwise would be accessible to the multilingual child, adolescent and adult.
I often meet the children of Latvian World War II refugees, who return to visit the country of their parents' birth and cannot speak to their own cousins, aunts and uncles.
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In addition, language is a gateway to culture. Denying a child additional languages, ostensibly to help the child focus on a primary language, also inevitably closes the gate to cultures that otherwise would be accessible to the multilingual child, adolescent and adult.
I wish politicians in some countries would first and foremost think about this, and not about political struggles when favoring one language over another... The understanding of cultures is basic for the understanding of human beings. Now, more than ever, we need to understand the rest of the world if we want to the world to last, and we just cannot do this speaking only one language!
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I am writing this email primarily to Monica who started this forum. What you have described with speech problems it is very similar to our experience with my 3 year old boy. We live in England, I am Hungarian, my husband is German and we talk between eachother in English. We use the one parent one language method since our boy was born. Have lots of cartoons, books, etc in our native language and try to speak with relatives a lot by phone, skype. My son also goes 2 days to nursery.
My son still doesn't speak much, mainly speaks Hungarian or rather mixed language. The words he is useing are very difficult to understand. He defenetly understands all languages (Hungarian the most). He uses 3 or 4 word sentences but they have no structure at all. I am the only one who really knows what he means.Taking his language out of context or situation it is very unclear. Tried to contact speech therapist but as they are unexperienced with trilingualism they suggested to wait untill he is 3 and half. Reason: as he doesn't speak much English they can't test him...no comment hence we contacted them :-/
What I would like to know since you wrote your post Dec 2009 what has improved? Does your girl speak all languages now? Has she got a preferences? What I am worried is that due to this speech delay our boy will have lots of trouble in school and other social situations. He may become shy as he can't express himself the way he woul like to or others will laugh at him cause he sais things different, etc There are many concerns in my mind right now and not sure whether we are on the right track. He is a smart boy but may be we should drop a language for a while and hope that he will learn it from school and on Holidays.
I am happy to read anyones thoughts on this topic. I have posted a similar message on the "rules of trying to raise triling. children" topic about a month ago and haven't got any reply yet:-/
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