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Thread poster: Vjollca Martinson

Vjollca Martinson  Identity Verified
Local time: 11:36
English to Albanian
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Aug 18, 2003

Here is a wonderful book that can be useful to anyone:

Leadership and self deception by C. Terry Warner, Ph.D.

What matters, is not exactly what we do, but how we are "being". Self-deception explains how we can be blind to the truth of our experience. There are two ways of living: in-the-box and out-of-the-box. When we are in-the-box, we are focused on ourselves and see others as objects. When we are out-of-the-box we see others as persons. When we see others as objects, we are in self-betrayal, we act contrary to what we feel we should do for another, we justify our actions, we experience the world in a way that justifies our own self-betrayal, and our own reality becomes distorted. We become self-deceived. We see ourselves as a victim, as someone done wrong to. We can get out of the box by hearing the call of humanity, by treating and honoring others as people, by seeing them as persons with needs, hopes, and worries (Published by The Arbinger Institute, 2000).


[Edited at 2003-08-18 22:31]


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Narasimhan Raghavan  Identity Verified
Local time: 23:06
English to Tamil
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Is the book giving concrete examples? Aug 19, 2003

Or is it going on in abstract terms? Theory backed up by true life experience is quite readable. Otherwise no.

Vjollca Märtinson wrote:

Here is a wonderful book that can be useful to anyone:

Leadership and self deception by C. Terry Warner, Ph.D.

What matters, is not exactly what we do, but how we are "being". Self-deception explains how we can be blind to the truth of our experience. There are two ways of living: in-the-box and out-of-the-box. When we are in-the-box, we are focused on ourselves and see others as objects. When we are out-of-the-box we see others as persons. When we see others as objects, we are in self-betrayal, we act contrary to what we feel we should do for another, we justify our actions, we experience the world in a way that justifies our own self-betrayal, and our own reality becomes distorted. We become self-deceived. We see ourselves as a victim, as someone done wrong to. We can get out of the box by hearing the call of humanity, by treating and honoring others as people, by seeing them as persons with needs, hopes, and worries (Published by The Arbinger Institute, 2000).


[Edited at 2003-08-18 22:31]


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Vjollca Martinson  Identity Verified
Local time: 11:36
English to Albanian
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TOPIC STARTER
Yes, the book has concrete examples. Aug 19, 2003

Although the book brings business/organizational examples, they are experiences that everyone goes through in his/her daily life. This is an easy reading and engaging book, it has a lot of life-changing insights. I would say pleasant.

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Monika Coulson  Identity Verified
Local time: 11:36
Member (2001)
English to Albanian
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What is self-deception? Aug 19, 2003

Hello Narasimhan,
I am reading this book (thanks to Vjollca who recomended it to me awhile ago) and in my opinion, it is a wonderful book to read. The author uses lots of real life experiences as well and that make it even more interesting. I have copied below an explanation of the self-deception problem from the preface of LEADERSHIP AND SELF-DECEPTION.

"...What is Self-deception?
Simply put, self-deception is the problem of not knowing I have a problem.

To give you an idea of what's at stake, consider the following analogy. An infant is learning to crawl. She begins by pushing herself backward around the house. Backing herself around, she gets lodged beneath the furniture. There she thrashes about-crying and banging her little head against the sides and undersides of the pieces. She is stuck and hates it. So she does the only thing she can think of to get herself out-she pushes even harder, which only worsens her problem. She's more stuck than ever.

If this infant could talk, she would blame the furniture for her troubles. She, after all, is doing everything she can think of. The problem couldn't be hers. But of course, the problem is hers, even though she can't see it. While it's true she's doing everything she can think of, the problem is precisely that she can't see how she's the problem. Having the problem she has, nothing she can think of will be a solution.

Self-deception is like this. It blinds us to the true cause of problems, and once blind, all the "solutions" we can think of will actually make matters worse..."




Narasimhan Raghavan wrote:

Or is it going on in abstract terms? Theory backed up by true life experience is quite readable. Otherwise no.



[Edited at 2003-08-20 02:30]


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Monika Coulson  Identity Verified
Local time: 11:36
Member (2001)
English to Albanian
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My personal thoughts and feelings about the book "Leadership and self-deception" Aug 19, 2003

The ideas and the conceptes found in this book are powerful. However, the title may fool a few people (as it did me first.) Why? Some may think: it is not for me, since I do not deal with leadership... Or, "oh, self-deception, it does not happen to me." But self-deception is so pervasive that it touches every aspect of life. Self-deception actually determines one's experience in every aspect of life. That is why I find the ideas shared in this book extremely useful, especially at home and family more than in any other place. This book is literally helping me to sharpen my vision, to reduce feelings of conflict, to increase accountability, to magnify the capacity to achieve results, and most important, to find happiness.
My 2 cents,
Monika

[Edited at 2003-08-22 03:55]


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