Off topic: Quotes
Thread poster: mónica alfonso
I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was
Not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall".
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending
and having the two as close together as possible.
Santa Claus has the right idea -- visit people only once a year.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
My wife is a sex object -- every time I ask for sex, she objects.
By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you
Get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half
As good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech -- every now and then she
stops to breathe.
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and
kindness, can be trained to do most things.
I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
(Zsa Zsa Gabor)
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
groups: Alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you
nothing. It was here first.
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant
form of misery.
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up.'
I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased
to be anywhere.
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
(Herbert Henry Asquith)
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie
about your age.
I don't feel old - I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't
remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him "Be fruitful
and multiply." But not in those words . . . . . .
If only God would give me some sign...a clear sign! Like making a large
deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
(Selections from the Allen Notebooks, New Yorker)
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your
children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain
of your estate.
If you want to make GOD Laugh, tell him your future plans.
Those are my principals, if you don't like them...... I have others."
Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that
The first half of your life is ruined by your parents.
The second half by your kids.
| || || |
| | mónica alfonso
Local time: 06:57
English to Spanish
Jack Doughty wrote:
and Miss Ogle-Smith (slightly acid, but should improve if laid down).
| Some quotes from Robert Benchley || Sep 29, 2003 |
Every boy between the ages of seven and seventy should own a dog.
A dog teaches a man perseverance, loyalty and to turn around three times before lying down.
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