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Off topic: George Carlin strikes again! Hope you enjoy.
Thread poster: cotasur
cotasur
Chile
Local time: 02:01
Spanish to English
+ ...
Aug 8, 2002

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water?Try spelling Evian backwards.NAIVE

> >

2. Isn\'t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

> >

> > 3. OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the \"Jags\" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the \"Bucs\",what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

> >

> > 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea. Does that mean that one enjoys it?

> >

> > 5. There are three religious truths:

> > A. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

> > B. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

> > C. Baptists do not recognize each Other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

> >

> > 6. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,does he become disoriented?

> >

> > 7. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren\'t people from Holland called Holes?

> >

> > 8. Why do we say something is out of whack? What\'s a whack?

> >

> > 9. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

> >

> > 10. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

> >

> > 11. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

> >

> > 12. When someone asks you, \"A penny for your thoughts\" and you put your two cents in. . . What happens to the other penny?

> >

> > 13. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

> >

> > 14. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren\'t they just stale bread to begin with?

> >

> > 15. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

> >

> > 16. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

> >

> > 17. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

> >

> > 18. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

> >

> > 19. Why isn\'t the number 11 pronounced onety one?

> >

> > 20. \"I am\" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that \"I do\" is the longest sentence?

> >

> > 21. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn\'t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians

denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed.

> >

> > 22. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge. Would they call it Fed UP?

> >

> > 23. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

> >

> > 24. What hair color do they put on the driver\'s licenses of bald men?

> >

> > 25. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me. They\'re cramming for their final exam.

> >

> > 26. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

> >

> > 27. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don\'t

they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the letter carrier can look for them while they deliver the mail?

> >

> > 28. If it\'s true that we are here to help others,then what exactly are the others here for?

> >

> > 29. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

> >

> > 30. No one ever says,\"It\'s only a game\" when their team is winning.

> >

> > 31. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn\'t zigzag?

> >

> > 32. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

> >

> > 33. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

> >

> > 34. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

[ This Message was edited by: on 2002-08-08 17:18 ]


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Mary Lalevee  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 06:01
French to English
Thanks Aug 8, 2002

They were funny!

Mary


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Aurora Humarán  Identity Verified
Argentina
Local time: 02:01
English to Spanish
+ ...
Thank you!!! Aug 8, 2002

Thank you! .... say my endorphines



Aurora





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Gayle Wallimann  Identity Verified
Local time: 07:01
Member (2001)
French to English
+ ...
I loved it! Aug 8, 2002

I have a fond memory of George Carlin coming up to me as a 17 year old girl working in the makeup department of a big department store near Chicago. He was with some friends in suits (probably writers or agents or who knows) and he was wearing liederhosen (sorry for my spelling, I don\'t know German) and came up to ask me if I sold perfumed nail polish. This was a crazy question at the time (I do believe that the stuff came out a few years later) and he had me put some polish on his fingers to see the colors. Of course, he never said who he was, and I didn\'t dare say that I thought I knew who he was. Later on in life, after having moved to France, my family told me that he once mentioned something about people\'s reactions to strange situations like the salesgirl in Chicago who was obviously shocked by what he wanted to buy but didn\'t bat an eye as she put nailpolish on his fingers....I guess he was out to get reactions from people when he strolled into the mall that evening. Anyway, thanks for the laugh!

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MikeGarcia  Identity Verified
Spain
Local time: 07:01
English to Spanish
+ ...
TopTrans rides again! Aug 8, 2002

So funny and so true! That wonderful Carlin\'s way of mixing picaresque,spicy bits,humour at its best and naiveté is unique!

Thank you so very much!
[addsig]


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Silvia Borges
United States
Local time: 01:01
Still laughing.... Aug 8, 2002





Excellent!! Specially when you you are in the middle of a veeeerrrryyyy technical translation.......



Thank you so much!



Silvia S (BR)


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claudia bagnardi  Identity Verified
Local time: 02:01
English to Spanish
+ ...
Great! Aug 9, 2002

It goes to Favorites

Claudia


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George Carlin strikes again! Hope you enjoy.

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