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Off topic: A two cow theory of economics
Thread poster: Jennifer Baker

Jennifer Baker  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 17:28
Member (2004)
Italian to English
May 16, 2006

I thought I would share this with my colleagues around the globe- I laughed out loud...

A 'TWO COW' THEORY OF ECONOMICS...


CHRISTIAN:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You couldn't care less.

DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous.

COMMUNIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

FASCIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk.
You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk,
then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH CORPORTION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.

GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month,
and milk themselves.

ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you.
You charge for storing them for others.

INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.

BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation.
Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.


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Eva Villarreal Gutiérrez  Identity Verified
Mexico
Local time: 18:28
Member (2005)
English to Spanish
+ ...
It's a good one!! May 16, 2006

Thanks for sharing it, I laughed a lot. :0

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PAS  Identity Verified
Local time: 01:28
English to Polish
+ ...
Lots more, with variations on a theme May 17, 2006

FEUDALISM:

You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM:

You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM:

You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.

FASCISM:

You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM:

You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM:

You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

DICTATORSHIP:

You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

MILITARISM:

You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY:

You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY:

You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY:

The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate". The cows are set free.

BRITISH DEMOCRACY:

You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.

BUREAUCRACY:

You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

ANARCHY:

You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

CAPITALISM:

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM:

You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute an debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows’ milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the Feng Shui is bad.

ENVIRONMENTALISM:

You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

TOTALITARIANISM:

You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed.

Milk is banned.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:

You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is an outdated symbol of your decadent, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of nonspecific gender.

COUNTER CULTURE:

Wow, dude, there’s like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.

SURREALISM:

You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.


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Balasubramaniam L.  Identity Verified
India
Local time: 04:58
Member (2006)
English to Hindi
+ ...
I didn't find it funny... May 17, 2006

... especially the reference to the Indian cows. Do you know that India is the largest producer of milk in the world?

Too banal and I am surprised that people find such stuff funny.


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Samuel Murray  Identity Verified
Netherlands
Local time: 01:28
Member (2006)
English to Afrikaans
+ ...
Tell us what you'd like to see about India, then? May 17, 2006

Balasubramaniam wrote:
... especially the reference to the Indian cows.


I fail to see why the India cow section is offensive. It relates to the fact that cows are considered holy in some parts of India. If you find the holy cow reference offensive or banal, why don't you tell us something else which Indians are famous/notorious for, so that we can add it to the list?


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Özden Arıkan  Identity Verified
Germany
Local time: 01:28
Member
English to Turkish
Closing the thread May 19, 2006

Since it is found objectionable by one of our members, I am closing the thread to avoid further controversy.

Thank you for your understanding.

Best regards,
Özden


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