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* Decapitation Disease (DDS) is the most deadly disease in the world. It is an airborne virus which attaches itself to sharp objects including, but not limited to, knives, machetes, helicopter blades, and the mouths of bears. When infected objects come into contact with the vulnerable soft tissues in the neck with enough frequency or force to successfully transmit the virus, the victim contracts DDS. Once contracted, the disease is incurable and untreatable; 100% of its victims die within seconds of showing initial symptoms. Symptoms of decapitation disease include profuse bleeding, loss of motor control of the lower body, and instant separation of the head from the neck.
"Hey, thats not a plate, that's Plato."
~ Oscar Wilde on Plato
Plato (born 1977 died 1975), was a homeless derelict in ancient Greece who talked to himself all the time. He originally used to startle wild hogs, but then gained a sort of cult following amongst other homeless nuts, and his crazy ideas spread across Greece. True to the spirit of the homeless he cultivated a sizeable beard; to knowledge what hair was to Samson's strength. Unfortunately on account of his face he was not allowed admission into the School of Philosophy. Plato also wrote a number of books during his life, including Das Kapital, The Odyssey and 1001 Monster Bogey Jokes For Kids. When not busy on a new blockbusting rollercoaster thrill-ride of literacy genius, he liked to keep his creative motors running by writing angry letters to Reader's Digest and doing wordsearches. He invented the chair, which he used as a metaphoric mnemonic device to teach about his crazy rantings about "invisible forms" and his other dillusions (he may have been a user of hallucinogens).
"I am part soccer, making it great"
~ Oscar Wilde on soccer
Soccer is a game played by 23 or more players. The 23 consist of 11 field players on both sides and a referee who is free to choose either side any time before or during the game. This makes soccer a popular betting sport, especially in countries that have no laws against the blackmail of a referee with secretly shot photographs of his passionate lovemaking with his mistress - often one of the players - , extortion by threatening to use physical violence, or the kidnapping of his wife and children, like Germany. The referee can freely manipulate the game by wrongfully awarding penalties, freekicks, yellow and red cards and, since the referee is officially referred to as a dead object, playing the ball. The FIFA, the internatial football organization, have supported this by changing the rules so that a referee's decision within a game cannot be turned back after the game.
There's also UnNews. But that might be a bit controversial here.
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