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Off topic: I received this from Clean Laffs jokelist
Thread poster: Uldis Liepkalns

Uldis Liepkalns  Identity Verified
Local time: 14:09
Member (2003)
English to Latvian
+ ...
Feb 27, 2007

and thought it worth sharing


As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towards legislation which requires the prominent placing of warnings on products that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer the cautionary thought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely scratch the surface of what is really necessary in this important area. This is especially true in light of the findings of 20th century quantum physics.

We therefore propose that the following list of warnings appears on every product offered for sale in the United States.

WARNING: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.

CAUTION: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.

HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per Hour.

CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same
Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving. (Note: This one is optional on the grounds that Heisenberg was never quite sure that his principle was correct)

ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Know as "Tunneling," This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be
Responsible for Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.

ATTENTION: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer is Advised That, in Actuality,
This Product Consists Of 99.999999999% Empty Space.

PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product,
It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.

HEALTH WARNING: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User.

[Rediģēts plkst. 2007-02-28 09:47]

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JaneTranslates  Identity Verified
Puerto Rico
Local time: 07:09
Member (2005)
Spanish to English
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I got it too... Feb 27, 2007

...and was thinking of posting it. You saved me the trouble. Thanks!


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Heinrich Pesch  Identity Verified
Local time: 14:09
Member (2003)
Finnish to German
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Please correct "Heisenburg" to Heisenberg Feb 28, 2007

Its not necessary to spread wrong spelling any further.

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Jack Doughty  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 12:09
Member (2000)
Russian to English
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Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle Feb 28, 2007

Interesting that Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle extends even to the spelling of his name, for some people anyway!

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Terry Richards
Local time: 13:09
French to English
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Heisenborg Feb 28, 2007


Don't get too upset, it's only wrong when you are looking at it


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Alfredo Tutino  Identity Verified
Local time: 13:09
English to Italian
+ ...
another one... Feb 28, 2007

Do you know the name of Schroedinger's cat?

It was Lucky. Or maybe not.

Many years ago there was a long and delightfully whimsical thread in the letters page of the New Scientist magazine on the likely name of this illustrious - and (possibly!) unhappy - under-recognized putative hero of science.

The answer I liked the most (and the only one I can still remember) was the one I gave above, but there where many more good ones...

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I received this from Clean Laffs jokelist

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