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Off topic: Humour - cars vs. computers
Thread poster: Lori Cirefice

Lori Cirefice  Identity Verified
France
Local time: 17:00
French to English
Jul 12, 2007

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers
have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill
Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and
stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has,
we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars
with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new
car.

3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would
have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the
car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some
reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car
to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall
the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five
times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent
of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be
replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation"
warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lift the door handle, turned the
key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to
drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same
manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Please share this with your friends who love -- but sometimes hate their
computer!


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Hilde Granlund  Identity Verified
Norway
Local time: 17:00
English to Norwegian
+ ...
Very funny :-) Jul 12, 2007

You need an absurd sense of humour to get along with your computer.
This is my favourite computer joke:

Computer gender

A marketing director for a prominent computer manufacturer was devising a new advertising campaign for his company. While researching consumer response to his product, he asked "Naval ships are commonly referred to as 'she' or 'her'. What gender would you assign to your computer? Give four reasons to support your answer..."

A large group of women reported that the computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


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Jerzy Czopik  Identity Verified
Germany
Local time: 17:00
Member (2003)
Polish to German
+ ...
Well, some of both are already true Jul 12, 2007

Lori Cirefice wrote:

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers
have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill
Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and
stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has,
we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

Not exactly 25 bucks and 1000 MPG, but somehow near there. The Dacia Logan Diesel.

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars
with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

When the driver is a young men in mid-twenties very possible, at least here in Europe

snip...
3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would
have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the
car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some
reason you would simply accept this.

Read some German automobile club (ADAC) reports - happens to many, and they somehow accept that.

snap...
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five
times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent
of the roads.

They forgotten to add, that those cars would cost twice as much as other and would only fit in special garages for them.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be
replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation"
warning light.

Look at the latest BMW series - we are nearly there

snipsnip...10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Already there - all new BWM and Minis (and I think a lot of other cars) are started and stopped with the same button. It has a description (mostly) "Start engine"

So you see the world is getting more modern.
But honestly I really do like this story.
For all German speaking people I would like to recommend this page Technik zum Schmunzeln.

Jerzy


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Jerzy Czopik  Identity Verified
Germany
Local time: 17:00
Member (2003)
Polish to German
+ ...
This reminds me of something Jul 12, 2007

Hilde Granlund wrote:

You need an absurd sense of humour to get along with your computer.
This is my favourite computer joke:

Computer gender

A marketing director for a prominent computer manufacturer was devising a new advertising campaign for his company. While researching consumer response to his product, he asked "Naval ships are commonly referred to as 'she' or 'her'. What gender would you assign to your computer? Give four reasons to support your answer..."

A large group of women reported that the computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


Why do woman marry a man?
Because they hope he will change. But he doesn't.

Why do man marry a woman?
Because they hope she will not change. But she does.

Jerzy


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Margreet Logmans  Identity Verified
Netherlands
Local time: 17:00
English to Dutch
+ ...
Thanks a lot, Lori and others... Jul 13, 2007

...for a good laugh.
I love computers as well as cars. This comparison is really funny.
Wish I had something to add, but alas....

Have a nice day, and thanks for making my day start with a smile

Margreet


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Heinrich Pesch  Identity Verified
Finland
Local time: 18:00
Member (2003)
Finnish to German
+ ...
The sad truth is... Jul 15, 2007

many car-makers still sell automobiles, that are not fully Windows compatible.
Cheers
Heinrich


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Mahmoud Helmi  Identity Verified
Egypt
Local time: 17:00
Member (2007)
English to Arabic
a fantastic site about computer stupidities Jul 15, 2007

Enjoy this site, it's all about the follies and misunderstandings people have about computers and the internet. .


http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

and this is "just" one of its links:
http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_internet.shtml


Mahmoud


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