Off topic: Thinks-of-the-week
Thread poster: Kemal Mustajbegovic

Kemal Mustajbegovic  Identity Verified
Local time: 08:52
English to Croatian
+ ...
Aug 17, 2007

Things to think about...and then think about again:

* I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
* Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
* Half the people you know are below average.
* 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
* 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
* A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
* If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
* All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
* The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
* I almost had a psychic girlfriend.....but she left me before we met.
* OK, so what's the speed of dark?
* How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
* If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
* Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
* When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
* Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
* I intend to live forever......so far, so good.
* If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
* Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
* What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
* My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
* Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
* If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.


Have a nice weekend!


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Claudia Alvis  Identity Verified
Peru
Local time: 19:52
Partial member
Spanish
+ ...
Great Aug 17, 2007

Thanks for a great laugh.

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Jenny Forbes  Identity Verified
Local time: 01:52
Member (2006)
French to English
+ ...
Excellent! A couple more Aug 17, 2007

Claudia Alvis wrote:

Thanks for a great laugh.

Thanks, Kemal, and alas, how true ... a couple more:
* We were put on this Earth to serve others. What the others were put here for no-one knows (W. H. Auden, I believe).
* If it wasn't for other people, everything would go fine.
Regards,
Jenny.


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Lawyer-Linguist  Identity Verified
Portugal
Local time: 01:52
Dutch to English
+ ...
Hey, cool it! Aug 17, 2007

Kemal Mustajbegovic wrote:

* 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.




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Jan Willem van Dormolen  Identity Verified
Netherlands
Local time: 02:52
English to Dutch
+ ...
These go into my collection - and here is my collection: Aug 17, 2007

Welcome at the psychiatric helpdesk. For information on:
Submissiveness: Ask for permission to press 1.
Agression: Ram 2 with your full fist.
Multiple personality syndrom: Press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
Hearing voices: You will hear what to press.
Paranoia: We know who you are. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
Delusions: Stay on the line, we will help you sometime soon.
Depression: Never mind what you press, nobody will answer.
ADHD: We don't have the patience for you.
%
Down with gravity.
%
In the beginning there was the word, and the word was "Aardvark".
%
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
%
We should all be more social. You start.
%
Recursion: see Recursion
%
If everything else fails, read the manual.
%
I still miss my boss, but my aim is improving.
%
Hofstadter's law: It always takes longer then you think, even if you take into account Hofstadter's law.
%
In the bookshop I asked where the selfhelp books were. The girl at the counter answered that telling that would defy the purpose.
%
There are three kinds of people: Those who can count, and those who can't.
%
1,000,000 lemmings can't be wrong.
%
You're unique, just like everybody.
%
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
%
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
%
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
%
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
%
'First things first -- but not necessarily in that order' -- Dr Who
%
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense
%
'Hurhurhur, 2400 baud sucks' - V.bis and Baudhead
%
I can resist anything but temptation.
%
'No, `Eureka' is Greek for `This bath is too hot.'' -- Dr. Who
%
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat, though.
%
'the' is a registered trademark of Microsoft Corporation
%
A critic is a man who knows the way, but can't drive the car.
%
A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it?
%
A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
%
A modest man is usually admired; if people ever hear of him.
%
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
%
A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
%
AAAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse and Ambiguity.
%
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
%
Adult, n.: One old enough to know better.
%
aibohphobia, n., The fear of palindromes.
%
All extremists should be taken out and shot.
%
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
%
An optimist is someone who thinks the future is uncertain.
%
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
%
Annoy the IRS: Fill out your tax form using binary
%
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
%
Backup not found. [A]bort, [R]etry, [P]anic...
%
Bad spellers of the world UNTIE!
%
Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare.
%
BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts ...)
%
Become a programmer and never see the world!!!
%
Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego
%
Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.
%
Bend the facts to fit the conclusion. It's easier that way.
%
Black holes suck!
%
BREAKFST.COM halted . . . cereal port not responding!
%
But I thought YOU did the backups...
%
Buy Land Now. It's Not Being Made Any More.
%
Cat, n.: Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
%
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
%
Database administrators do it with their relations
%
Destroy the Borg? Upload Windows!
%
Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
%
Documentation; The worst part of programming.
%
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
%
Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
%
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
%
Drive A: not responding... Formatting C: instead
%
E=MC^2.. I'm not fat! I'm energetic!
%
Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
%
Error in operator: add beer
%
Every instructor assumes you have nothing to do but study for his course.
%
Everybody should believe in something: I believe I'll have another drink.
%
Expert, n.: Someone who comes from out of town and shows slides.
%
Feel good? Don't worry; you'll get over it!
%
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
%
Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.
%
Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
%
Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.
%
Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
%
Gravity is a myth. The earth sucks!
%
Hardware, n.: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
%
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
%
What's the definition of a will? (Hint: It's a dead giveaway)
%
There was a young woman named Jenny
Whose limericks weren't worth a penny.
Her rhythm and rhyme
Were perfectly fine,
But whenever she tried to write any,
She always had one line too many.
%
Never go off on tangents, which are lines that intersect a curve at only one point and were discovered by Euclid, who lived in the 6th century, which was an era dominated by the Goths, who lived in what we now know as Poland.
%
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
%
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an elephant?









Large holes in Australia
%
Space is limited
In a haiku so it's hard
To finish what you
%
Music will get you through times with no money better than
money will get you through times with no music.
%
A translator is a magical device get garbage vanished into dünne Luft.
%
Don't anthropomorphize computers. They HATE that.
%
Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
%
Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
%
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
%
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
%
Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
%
Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
%
Be more or less specific.
%
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
%
Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies endlessly over and over again
%
No sentence fragments.
%
Contractions aren't always necessary and shouldn't be used to excess so don’t.
%
Foreign words and phrases are not always apropos.
%
Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous and can be excessive
%
All generalizations are bad.
%
Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
%
Don't use no double negatives.
%
Avoid excessive use of ampersands & abbrevs., etc.
%
One-word sentences? Eliminate.
%
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake (Unless they are as good as gold).
%
The passive voice is to be avoided.
%
Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words, however, should be enclosed in commas.
%
Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.
%
Don’t overuse exclamation points!!!
%
Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
%
Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas
%
Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed and use it correctly with words’ that show possession.
%
Don’t use too many quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations.. Tell me what you know."
%
If you've heard it once, you've heard it a billion times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. Besides, hyperbole is always overdone, anyway.
%
Puns are for children, not groan readers.
%
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
%
Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
%
Who needs rhetorical questions? However, what if there were no rhetorical questions?
%
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
%
Avoid "buzz-words"; such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters
%
People don’t spell "a lot" correctly alot of the time.
%
Each person should use their possessive pronouns correctly
%
All grammar and spelling rules have exceptions (with a few exceptions).
%
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
%
The dash – a sometimes useful punctuation mark – can often be overused – even though it’s a helpful tool some of the time.
%
Proofread carefully to make sure you don’t repeat repeat any words.
%
In writing, it’s important to remember that dangling sentences.
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In good writing, for good reasons, under normal circumstances, whenever you can, use prepositional phrases in limited numbers and with great caution.
%
Complete sentences.
%
If you must use slang, avoid out-of-date slang. Right on!
%
You'll look poorly if you misuse adverbs.
%
Use brackets to indicate that you (not Shakespeare, for example) are giving people (in your audience) information so that they (the people in your audience) know about whom you are speaking. But do not use brackets when making these references (to other authors) excessively.
%
Note: People just can't stomach too much use of the colon.
%
In English, unlike German, the verb early in the sentence, not later, should be placed.
%
When you write sentences, shifting verb tense is bad.
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In good writing, for good reasons, under normal circumstances, whenever you can, use prepositional phrases in limited numbers and with great caution.
%
Unless you're a righteous expert, don't try to be too cool with slang to which you're not hip.
%
Use the ellipsis [...] to indicate missing ...
%
(Avoid overuse of parentheses [or brackets {or braces .}]).
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“Avoid ‘overuse of “quotation” marks.’”
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Use brackets to indicate that you [not Shakespeare, for example] are giving people [but not illiterate people] information so that they [the readers] know about whom you are speaking [writing]. Do not use brackets [excessively] when making these references [to other authors].
%
Forsooth, avoid archaisms.
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Redundancy is the use of superfluous text, speech, or items, repetitive text, speech, or items, that is more than what is required or is superfluous, repetitive, or more than required
%
Take nothing but photographs; kill nothing but time; leave nothing but
footprints.
%
Masochist to sadist: Hit me, please
Sadist to masochist: No!


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Harry Bornemann  Identity Verified
Mexico
English to German
+ ...
Could have been from me :o) Aug 17, 2007

But after filtering out anything which could be politically or prozically incorrect, only one was left on my desk:

* You are at the right place when you know what you want to do there.



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José Henrique Lamensdorf  Identity Verified
Brazil
Local time: 21:52
English to Portuguese
+ ...
My favorite Aug 19, 2007

Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults in adultery?

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