Off topic: What can the Starbucks Oracle reveal about you?
Thread poster: veratek

veratek
Brazil
Local time: 13:56
French to English
+ ...
Aug 21, 2007

Astrology is lame and Myers-Briggs is for losers. The omniscient
Oracle of Starbucks can tell you everything about your personality by what you drink at Starbucks:

Behold the Oracle's wisdom:
http://www.buttafly.com/starbucks/index.php

enter you favorite drink and size:

Tall caffé latte

Personality type: Lame

You're a simple person with modest tastes and a reasonable lifestyle. In other words, you're boring. Going to Starbucks makes you feel sophisticated; you'd like to be snooty and order an espresso but aren't sure if you're ready for that level of excitement. People laugh at you because you use fake curse words like "friggin'" and "oh, crumb!" Everyone who thinks America's Funniest Home Videos is a great show drinks tall caffe latte.

Also drinks: V8
Can also be found: On the couch at home
==============================

Funniest thing is I *hate* cursing and living in a cursing-infested society, I do say "freakin" all the time

as for the rest of the description, huff, what do they know?

(I like V8 too - LOL)


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NancyLynn
Canada
Local time: 12:56
Member (2002)
French to English
+ ...

MODERATOR
I'm a clueless pothead who forwards virus emails! Aug 22, 2007

As Tim Horton's has overtaken my town, there is not a Starbucks in sight. I don't know what they serve there, except for the chai latte I had there once while waiting for a friend in Ottawa, so I typed that in and here's the result I get:

"Pseudo-intellectual. You're liberal and consider yourself to be laid back and open minded. Everyone else just thinks you're clueless. Your friends hate you because you always email them virus warnings and chain letters "just in case it's true." All people who drink chai latte are potheads.

Also drinks: Sparkling water
Can also be found at: Designer grocery stores"

My first attempt was what I always order at Timmy's: Large double cream half sugar, and the Oracle returned something about mumbling incoherently and drawing the ridicule of the Starbucks staff for this order... LOL


Mind you, I truly enjoy sparkling water. Maybe that's what I should have typed in the box!! LOL

Nancy

Edit: I just tried the sparkling water, and got the exact same message as you, vera-tech
N.

[Edited at 2007-08-22 12:41]


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Jan Willem van Dormolen  Identity Verified
Netherlands
Local time: 18:56
English to Dutch
+ ...
Large espresso Aug 22, 2007

Well, the OP got the comment that she should have taken espresso, and as that is my preferred coffee anyway, I decided to try it:

Personality type: Asshat

You carry around philosophy books you haven't read and wear trendy wire-rimmed glasses even though you have perfect vision. You've probably added an accent to your name or changed the pronunciation to seem sophisticated. You hang out in coffee shops because you don't have a job because you got your degree in French Poetry. People who drink large espresso are notorious for spouting off angry, liberal opinions about issues they don't understand.

Also drinks: Any drink with a foreign name
Can also be found at: The other, locally owned coffee shop you claim to like better

Again, just as with the others, there IS _some_ truth in it... Blimey!


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veratek
Brazil
Local time: 13:56
French to English
+ ...
TOPIC STARTER
So the Oracle was right again! :-) Aug 22, 2007

Mind you, NancyLynn, I'm not giving you my email!! LOL

Thumbs up for Chai Latte! Totally agree, it's excellent. I've had the original from India, very good.

I haven't been in a Starbucks in years, so I can't even remember all their hyper-marketing names for the drinks to try them out on the Oracle. Like the Greeks, I will just wait for answers from fellow coffee-soul seeking posters

I had never heard of Tim Horton - looked it up! Very Canadian indeed. (http://coffeetea.about.com/cs/business/a/timhorton.htm)

By your consultations, then, we conclude that you range from a clueless pothead to simply being lame LOL

I, on the other hand, have a steady lame personality, because I just go on drinking latte almost every day! LOL


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Nicole Schnell  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 09:56
English to German
+ ...
I am so glad. Aug 22, 2007

I love good coffee, therefore I am boycotting Starbucks.

A true coffee-lover doesn't suckle coffee out of paper- or plastic-cups with a little hole on top. You do this when you are a toddler or if you happen to be in hospital with a full body cast.

I typed in: "Real coffee" and received the following result:

Personality type: Lame

You're a simple person with modest tastes and a reasonable lifestyle. In other words, you're boring. Going to Starbucks makes you feel sophisticated; you'd like to be snooty and order an espresso but aren't sure if you're ready for that level of excitement. People laugh at you because you use fake curse words like "friggin'" and "oh, crumb!" Everyone who thinks America's Funniest Home Videos is a great show drinks real coffee.

Also drinks: V8
Can also be found: On the couch at home

))))


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Liliana Roman-Hamilton  Identity Verified
Local time: 09:56
English to Italian
Mine Aug 22, 2007

Personality type: Ass-clown

You tell people that you're an executive at your company. You think that your repeated references to being "addicted" to caffeine make you seem intriguing and dangerous. People think you're a sucker because you spend 60% of your annual income at Starbucks. Everyone who drinks double shot expresso ends up addicted to crack.

Also drinks: Zima
Can also be found at: Karaoke bars

*************************************
Ok, I live in a teeny tiny town where there is NO real expresso bar whatsoever, or those that allegedly say that they make "Italian expresso or cappuccino" have no idea what they are talking about.
Yet,......yet.... and I know this may sound blasfemous.... Starbucks has decent double shot expresso, beliveve me or not. They make the closest thing around here that may resemble to the beloved expressos I would drink in Italy. So double thumbs up for that! Ok, they serve that into a paper cup (Nicole, I know, it's a blasfemy!) but when you really really need a double shot and there is only Starbucks.... I'm not picky anymore!

Now...the thing that I am an ass-clown....? whatever!
And what the heck is Zima???


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PAS  Identity Verified
Local time: 18:56
English to Polish
+ ...
Out of the box Aug 22, 2007

I decided to give the oracle a run for the money, so I wrote "**** coffee", having worked 16 hours a day for the seventh day in a row. Here's what they had to say:

Hello, ass-clown. Nice try. Starbucks doesn't serve "**** coffee" (though if they did you'd probably drink it). Try again, this time input something that Starbucks actually serves.

So the oracle's always prepared

Best,
Pawel Skalinski
(p.s. no Starbucks in my part of Europe. Am I lucky or what?)


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Amy Duncan  Identity Verified
Brazil
Local time: 13:56
Portuguese to English
+ ...
OK this is really hilarious... Aug 24, 2007

I punched in "medium iced hazelnut decaf" (just to be a wise-guy), and here's what came up:

Personality type: Freak

No person of sound mind would go to an EXPENSIVE COFFEE SHOP to get a drink WITHOUT CAFFEINE. Your hobbies include going to ski resorts in the summer and flushing $5 bills down the toilet. You are a menace to society.

Also drinks: Non-alcoholic beer
Can also be found at: Pools with no water


hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Actually, I DO drink non-alcholic beer, but I like pools with water and I would never flush a $5 bill down the toilet!

Think I'll go back to drinking tea!

Amy


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Jenny Forbes  Identity Verified
Local time: 17:56
Member (2006)
French to English
+ ...
Spot on! Aug 25, 2007

Amy Duncan wrote:

I punched in "medium iced hazelnut decaf" (just to be a wise-guy), and here's what came up:

Personality type: Freak

No person of sound mind would go to an EXPENSIVE COFFEE SHOP to get a drink WITHOUT CAFFEINE. Your hobbies include going to ski resorts in the summer and flushing $5 bills down the toilet. You are a menace to society.

Also drinks: Non-alcoholic beer
Can also be found at: Pools with no water


hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Actually, I DO drink non-alcholic beer, but I like pools with water and I would never flush a $5 bill down the toilet!

Think I'll go back to drinking tea!

Amy


Well, I typed in "large strong black coffee with a little milk on the side" (which is what I always order anywhere - have never been to a Starbucks). The answer came back:

"Personality type: High Maintenance.
You pride yourself on being assertive and everyone else thinks you're bossy and arrogant. You're constantly running your mouth about things only you would find interesting. Your talent for wasting other people's time is limitless which is why your friends find you intolerable and are plotting to kill you. Also drinks: Bottled, chilled water with 4 ice cubes and a twist of lemon in a crystal glass. Can also be found at: Trendy Martini bars."

All a hundred percent true.

By the way, Amy, $5 bills don't do the job properly - try flushing down $10 or better still $20 bills - the result - a pristine toilet.
Back to the coffee,
Jenny.


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juvera  Identity Verified
Local time: 17:56
English to Hungarian
+ ...
Doh! Aug 25, 2007

I got this with double espresso....
Jan Willem van Dormolen wrote:
...espresso, and as that is my preferred coffee anyway, I decided to try it:

Personality type: Asshat

You carry around philosophy books you haven't read and wear trendy wire-rimmed glasses even though you have perfect vision. You've probably added an accent to your name or changed the pronunciation to seem sophisticated. You hang out in coffee shops because you don't have a job because you got your degree in French Poetry. People who drink large espresso are notorious for spouting off angry, liberal opinions about issues they don't understand.

Also drinks: Any drink with a foreign name
Can also be found at: The other, locally owned coffee shop you claim to like better

Again, just as with the others, there IS _some_ truth in it... Blimey!


....and I can confirm the following:

I never carry philosophy books; they are too heavy. I carry selected bits of newspapers, and I discard them as I read them.
I wear glasses, BECAUSE I am short sighted, but never ever had wire-rimmed ones.
I had an accent on my name, but ditched it out of necessity: English computer settings have no accents, and nobody would bother to add the accent to my name here in the UK.
I never have the time to hang out in coffee shops, if I buy a double espresso, (instead of having it at home) it is usually a take away on the way to the train I am going to embark on.
I have a degree in Architecture, can that be the flipside of French Poetry?
What are angry liberal opinions? I thought being liberal is a laid-back option, particularly when you have kids.
Drink with a foreign name? No drink has a foreign name to me, thank you.

[Edited at 2007-08-25 20:57]
From now on I will avoid Starbucks judiciously in favour of other coffee dispensaries.

[Edited at 2007-08-25 21:01]


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veratek
Brazil
Local time: 13:56
French to English
+ ...
TOPIC STARTER
that was hilarious... Aug 25, 2007

Amy - that was really hilarious - and you know what is also quite funny is how often they (the oracle ppl) get the "matching" beverage to actually be true as well, since they aren't the kind of beverages that "everybody" drinks

Vera


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Claudia Alvis  Identity Verified
Peru
Local time: 11:56
Partial member
Spanish
+ ...
Very accurate **blushes** Aug 25, 2007

Ha ha, this is hilarious.

Drink: Iced venti triple soy no whip mocha

Behold the Oracle's wisdom:

Personality type: Hippie

In addition to being a hippie, you are a hypochondriac health nut. You secretly think that your insistence on only consuming all-natural products is because you're so intelligent and well-informed; it's actually because you're a sucker. You've dabbled in Wicca or other pseudo-religions that attract morons and have changed your sexual orientation a few times this year. You probably live in California. Everyone who drinks iced venti triple soy no whip mocha should be forced to eat a McDonald's bacon cheeseburger.

Also drinks: Beverages with lots of marketing that says they're herbal and organic
Can also be found at: Whole Foods, indoor rock climbing facilities


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Jan Willem van Dormolen  Identity Verified
Netherlands
Local time: 18:56
English to Dutch
+ ...
Am. liberal = Eu soc. Aug 26, 2007

juvera wrote:
What are angry liberal opinions? I thought being liberal is a laid-back option, particularly when you have kids.


In the USA, the word liberal means leftwing - and the more rightwing the speaker, the more leftwing the designated person. In the mouth of a redneck, liberal means commie.

So, 'angry liberal opinions' are e.g. 'Bush is a war criminal', 'Microsoft is trying to rule the world' etc.


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juvera  Identity Verified
Local time: 17:56
English to Hungarian
+ ...
Liberal Aug 26, 2007

Jan Willem van Dormolen wrote:
juvera wrote:
What are angry liberal opinions? I thought being liberal is a laid-back option, particularly when you have kids.

In the USA, the word liberal means leftwing - and the more rightwing the speaker, the more leftwing the designated person. In the mouth of a redneck, liberal means commie.
So, 'angry liberal opinions' are e.g. 'Bush is a war criminal', 'Microsoft is trying to rule the world' etc.


Hi Jan, I am fully aware of that, but apparently Starbucks are not. That's exactly why I wanted to highlight - tongue in cheek - that in the UK "liberal" has a different meaning; liberals respect other people's opinion, open to new ideas, they are not forcing their views on others.

In other words: Starbuck are not catering for their British customers as well as they should be. (Don't take that too seriously either

By the way, socialist doesn't equate with US liberal in the UK either!

[Edited at 2007-08-26 13:01]

[Edited at 2007-08-26 13:02]


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Claudia Alvis  Identity Verified
Peru
Local time: 11:56
Partial member
Spanish
+ ...
So true Aug 28, 2007

In the mouth of a redneck, liberal means commie.


This last part made me laugh out loud because it's true.


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