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Off topic: English - It's a wonder we can speak it at all
Thread poster: allp

Local time: 09:26
English to Polish
+ ...
Mar 5, 2009

Author unknown

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called

If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant n
or ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make
amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
if Father is Pop, how come Mother is not Mop?

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell

We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

So it all comes to this and I think you'll back up my claim

I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

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Jerzy Czopik  Identity Verified
Local time: 09:26
Member (2003)
Polish to German
+ ...
Puszczam to gwoli wyjątku, bo... Mar 8, 2009

a) za offtopikowane
b) przyjemne

Dlaczego więc wyjątek? Bo językiem naszego forum jest bez wyjątku język polski.

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Local time: 09:26
English to Polish
+ ...
Dziękuję :) Mar 8, 2009

To może znajdzie się ktoś chętny do przetłumaczenia tego na polski?

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Joanna Carroll  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 08:26
Polish to English
+ ...
Dzieki! Mar 8, 2009

wielkie dzieki, Jerzy, za puszczenie tego, a allp za wygrzebanie na swiatlo dzienne! dawno sie tak nie usmialam! jutro puszcze w obieg w pracy - zobaczymy, czy tubylcy odbiora to podobnie. A swoja droga, czy poeci wsrod nas nie pokusiliby sie o wersje polska? byle byla smieszna. przeciez kazdy jezyk ma takie dziwolagi, wyjatki, itp...

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Local time: 09:26
English to Polish
+ ...
Do kompletu Mar 16, 2009

I take it you already know
Others may stumble, but not you
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps
To learn of less familiar traps?
Beware of HEARD, a dreadful word
That looks like BEARD and sounds like BIRD.
And DEAD; it’s said like BED, not BEAD -
For goodness sake don’t call it "DEED"!
Watch out for MEAT and GREAT and THREAT
(they rhyme with SUITE and STRAIGHT and DEBT)
A MOTH is not a moth in MOTHER
And HERE is not a match for THERE
Nor DEAR and FEAR for BEAR and PEAR
And there’s DOSE and ROSE and LOSE –
Just look them up - and GOOSE and CHOOSE
And CORK and WORK and CARD and WARD,
And FONT and FRONT and WORD and SWORD.
And DO and GO and THWART and CART -
Come, come I’ve hardly made a start!
A dreadful language? Man alive, I’d mastered it when I was five!

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