Methodology: how to bathe the cat.....
Thread poster: two2tango
| I just about died laughing... || Jun 22, 2002 |
Thank you so much for that - I have had some experience in trying to bathe cats (using leather gloves).
Very funny and true!
| | Patricia Myers
Local time: 18:24
English to Catalan
I guess after reading this my kitty shouldn\'t complain about the baths I give her
| What do you do when the cat weighs 10 kilos? || Jun 22, 2002 |
My beautiful tomcat is very big (and sweet) and will not fit inside the toilet if I close the lids.
So far, I have only been able to \"bathe\" him with a special dry shampoo but my friend the Vet says it\'s ok and I hope she\'s right.
| More useful advice for cat-owners || Jun 22, 2002 |
HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL (one of several variations):
1 - Take the cat and cradle him in the crook of your elbow as if you were holding a baby. Press gently the cat\'s cheeks with the thumb and index of your left hand, while you hold the pill with your right. When the cat opens his mouth, pop the pill inside. Allow him to close his mouth so that he can swallow the pill.
2 - Pick up the pill from the floor and the cat from behind the sofa. Hold the cat gently with your left arm and repeat the process.
3 - Bring the cat from the bedroom and drop the slobbered pill into the garbage can.
4 - Take a fresh pill from the box, hold the cat, gripping together firmly his rear legs with your left hand. Force his jaws open and push the pill inside the cat\'s mouth with your middle finger. Keep the cat\'s mouth closed for a count of 10.
5 - Take the pill out of the fishbowl and bring the cat down from the cupboard top. Call your wife, who is in the garden.
6 - Kneel on the floor with the cat firmly wedged between your knees. Immobilize his rear and front legs. Ignore the cat\'s hissing, spitting and growling. Ask your wife to hold the cat\'s head while you pry his mouth open with a wooden ruler. Toss the pill inside his mouth and rub vigorously the cat\'s throat.
7 - Uncling the cat from the curtains. Bring another pill from the box. Write yourself a note to remind you to buy another wooden ruler and repair the curtains.
Sweep up carefully the remains of your china figurines and set them aside to glue them back together again later.
8 - Bundle your cat up in a beach towel and ask your wife to keep him immobilized, with only his head visible. Insert the pill in a drinking straw. Open the cat\'s mouth with a pencil. Insert one end of the straw inside the cat\'s mouth and the other end inside your own mouth. Blow down the straw.
9 - Read the label to check if the pill is harmful for human beings. Drink a glass of water to wash out the taste.
Apply bandages to your wife\'s arms and remove the blood from the carpet with cold water and soap.
10 - Ask permission from your neighbor to climb up his roof and recover your cat. Take another pill. Place the cat inside the cupboard and close the door onto his neck, leaving only his head outside. Force the cat\'s jaws open with a dessert spoon. Toss the pill inside his mouth with an elastic band.
11 - Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Wash your cheeks with cold water and check when was the last time you\'ve had a tetanus shot.
Toss the T-shirt you were wearing into the washing machine and take a fresh one from the bedroom.
12 - Call the fire brigade to retrieve the cat from the tree. Apologize to your neighbor who crashed against his gate trying to escape from the furious cat. Take the last pill from the box.
13 - Tie together the cat\'s front legs and his rear legs with a rope. Tie him down firmly to the leg of the kitchen table. Put on some heavy-duty pruning gloves. Keep the cat\'s mouth open with a small lever.
Insert the pill into his mouth, followed by a large piece of meat. Keep his head vertical and pour in water through the cat\'s throat to wash down the pill.
14 - Get your wife to drive you to the emergency room. Sit tight as the doctor stitches your fingers and face and removes the pill from your eye. On the way back home, stop at the furniture store to buy a new kitchen table.
15 - Make arrangements to find a new home for your cat. Ring up the pet shop to see if they have hamsters for sale.
For dog owners:
Wrap pill in bacon, cheese or peanut butter. Make him beg.
| || || |
| My cat has tea tree shampoo! || Jun 22, 2002 |
It foamy and I only use it on her back where she can\'t reach. She\'s a dignified old lady of 12. She likes dogs and some people. Cats really don\'t require bathing. They are very clean.
But the toilet story is funny....
| De gatos y perros... || Jun 26, 2002 |
Como verán está escrito en español español...no no lo escribí yo, me lo mandó un amigo español. Sho parlo como porteña, viste che?
Ahí van las \"Normas para tener el perro en casa\"
*** Evolución de las normas dictadas por el cabeza de familia respecto al perro que acaba de llegar a su casa ***
1) El perro no puede entrar en casa.
2) Bueno, el perro puede entrar en casa, pero sólo en algunas habitaciones.
3) Está bien, el perro puede entrar en todas las habitaciones, pero no puede subirse a los sillones.
4) El perro puede subirse únicamente en los sillones viejos.
5) En fin.., el perro puede subirse en todos los sillones, pero no puede dormir en la cama, con las personas.
6) De acuerdo, el perro puede subirse a la cama, pero únicamente cuando se le invite.
7) O.K. el perro puede dormir en la cama cuando que él quiera, pero nunca debajo de las sábanas.
8 ) Está bien, el perro puede dormir debajo las sábanas, pero sólo cuando le invitéis.
9) Vale, el perro puede dormir debajo las sábanas todas las noches.
10) No lo repito más, el que quiera dormir debajo de las sábanas con el perro, tendrá que pedir permiso.
[ This Message was edited by: on 2002-06-26 21:26 ]
| || || |
No tiene un aire del \"Casa tomada\" de Cortázar?
| | MikeGarcia
Local time: 03:24
English to Spanish
| Gracias por la risa!!! || Jul 1, 2002 |
A Twototango y a Silvina Beatriz Codina:Creo que desde que vi por primera vez Una Noche en Casablanca (esa genialidad de los Marx Brothers)no me desterillaba de risa como acabo de hacerlo, y eso que es la tercera vez que los leo!!!
Gracias,chicos,por hacerme reír en momentos no demasiado felices...
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Methodology: how to bathe the cat.....
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