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English to English translations [PRO]
Marketing - Advertising / Public Relations | | English term or phrase: (yes/no on ad text) | An image of a running water tap, as if "floating in the air", against a blue sky background. Text (provided by the client of a design project that I'm doing) goes like this:
"Solutions don’t just come out of the blue.
There’s got to be something behind them.
Like decades of professional experience,
a wealth of specialized know-how
and a long list of satisfied clients.
And the ability to make things happen.
_______________________
XYZ Electronics. The partner behind your solutions."
Does it ring right?
Apologies to those who might think I should have posted a small job on this one. This is not going to English-speaking markets, and basically I am not expected to fiddle with it. Anyway, I thought I'd have a general yes/no from native speakers, just in case. |
| invguyKudoZ activityQuestions: 26 (none open) ( 4 closed without grading) Answers: 1037
Bulgaria
| | Local time: 22:46
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| | Subtle changes plus punctuation. Yeah. | Explanation:
"Solutions don’t just come out of the blue; there’s got to be something behind them:
Decades of professional experience,
a wealth of specialized know-how, and a long list of satisfied clients.
Plus the ability to make things happen.
|
| Selected response from:
zaphod
Local time: 21:46
| Grading comment Thanks a lot, all!
I'll leave it as it is, I'll only use Zaphod's suggestion of "Plus", to avoid the repetition of "and" (special thanks, Zaphod!).
Alvaro: reasonable remark, since you were only reading the quoted text. The link that you felt was missing is actually there, visually aided by the ad's graphic composition. Anyway, I am inserting a leading element connecting "... something behind it" to "like decades..." playing the role of a visual hyphen. Hint appreciated :)
Kevin and Ruth: I see what you mean, but it's a different concept - not illustrative imagery, quite the contrary: it's a "classic" water tap intentionally lacking any association with electronics. The point is in the obvious lack of logic (there's no such thing as a running tap floating in the air) which both attracts attention and puts the message in context. BTW the sky is a desert sky: saturated blue, blinding sun, and a streak of dunes beneath. Hence, the "solution" - running water in the desert, "coming out of the blue".
Peter: thank you for the well thought-out version. Using "someone" instead of "something", however, shifts the accent towards the human factor - which, in this specific case, doesn't work with the branding strategy. The informal ring ("just", "got to") is also needed. Else, I see the point in your British-vs.-US English remark, and will remember it.
Vixen: thanks for your comment to Mike - you've got that right :)
Once again, thanks for your input, everyone!
3 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer |
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The translation workplace 
peer agreement (net): +12