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Sentence correction

English translation: I would suggest rephrasing it just because it sounds awkward

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12:47 Jun 24, 2005
Chinese to English translations [PRO]
Medical - Medical (general)
Chinese term or phrase: Sentence correction
The following sentence and its English translation are from a birth certificate issued by the Ministry of Health:

此出生医学证明“由新生儿父母或监护人妥善保管,不得出卖、转让出借和私自涂改”。

The birth certificate "is taken care of by the newborn baby's father, mother or guardian, can not be sold, lent or altered in private".

Should the translation be corrected and how? Thanks!
ysun
United States
Local time: 18:31
English translation:I would suggest rephrasing it just because it sounds awkward
Explanation:
This birth certificate should remain in the possesion(or custody) of the (infant's) natural father, natural mother, or legal guardian. The birth certifcate is strictly prohibitted from being tranferred to or taken possesion by any third party, and shall not be alterred in any manner.

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Note added at 26 mins (2005-06-24 13:13:37 GMT)
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BTW, what I meant by sounding awkward is it sounds \"wishy-washy\" and not authoratative enough in English.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 35 mins (2005-06-24 13:22:44 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Oh, I missed a \"sold\":
...The birth certifcate is strictly prohibitted from being sold, transferred to or taken possesion by...

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 37 mins (2005-06-24 13:25:32 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

...and shall not be alterred or tamperred with in any manner.



--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 2 hrs 43 mins (2005-06-24 15:31:16 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

>>> Can it be altered by an authorized person?

I don\'t think so. There are other recourses, such as re-issuance of a birth certificate, if any legitimate corrections need to be made.

IMHO, legal language like this leave no ambiguity as to no alterring or tamperring of any kind would be permitted.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 5 hrs 14 mins (2005-06-24 18:02:11 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Correction: altering, altered, tampering, prohibited.

\'til this day, I don\'t know why the spelling is permitted, but then prohibited; transferred, but then altered? I usually just repeat the last consonant and call it a day. ;-)

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Note added at 11 hrs 35 mins (2005-06-25 00:23:19 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Sorry, another correction. It has to be \"sold to\"

This birth certificate should remain in the possesion(or custody) of the (infant\'s) natural father, natural mother, or legal guardian. The birth certifcate is strictly prohibited from being sold to, tranferred to or taken possesion by any third party, and shall not be altered or tampered with in any manner.
Selected response from:

wherestip
United States
Local time: 18:31
Grading comment
两位同时提出了修改版。依我之见,Edward 版比较简单扼要,wherestip 版则更为严格。两个版本都比原译文强百倍。谢谢两位以及参与讨论的所有朋友。
至于出生证能否修改,中国现在的情况我不清楚,但美国有些州的法律规定经法院授权后是可以修改的,请见http://www.drbecky.com/birthcert.html 。另外,我认为新生儿父母可简单地译为 newborn's parents,其包括biological (natural) parents、step parents 以及 adoptive parents。

4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer

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Summary of answers provided
3 +4I would suggest rephrasing it just because it sounds awkward
wherestip
4 +2FYI
Edward LIU


Discussion entries: 16





  

Answers


16 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +2
FYI


Explanation:
The medical certificate of birth "shall be kept properly by the newborn baby's parents or guardians and shall not be sold, lent or altered without permission".

Edward LIU
Local time: 19:31
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in ChineseChinese
PRO pts in category: 64

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  xiaoyanchen: I think you can use "birth certificate" and "the newborn's parents" just to make the sentence concise.
9 hrs
  -> thanks, I also missed 'tranferred'.

agree  chica nueva: this seems good. Maybe alter the word order: altered without permission, sold or lent
1 day17 hrs
  -> thanks
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)

16 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +4
I would suggest rephrasing it just because it sounds awkward


Explanation:
This birth certificate should remain in the possesion(or custody) of the (infant's) natural father, natural mother, or legal guardian. The birth certifcate is strictly prohibitted from being tranferred to or taken possesion by any third party, and shall not be alterred in any manner.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 26 mins (2005-06-24 13:13:37 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

BTW, what I meant by sounding awkward is it sounds \"wishy-washy\" and not authoratative enough in English.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 35 mins (2005-06-24 13:22:44 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Oh, I missed a \"sold\":
...The birth certifcate is strictly prohibitted from being sold, transferred to or taken possesion by...

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 37 mins (2005-06-24 13:25:32 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

...and shall not be alterred or tamperred with in any manner.



--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 2 hrs 43 mins (2005-06-24 15:31:16 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

>>> Can it be altered by an authorized person?

I don\'t think so. There are other recourses, such as re-issuance of a birth certificate, if any legitimate corrections need to be made.

IMHO, legal language like this leave no ambiguity as to no alterring or tamperring of any kind would be permitted.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 5 hrs 14 mins (2005-06-24 18:02:11 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Correction: altering, altered, tampering, prohibited.

\'til this day, I don\'t know why the spelling is permitted, but then prohibited; transferred, but then altered? I usually just repeat the last consonant and call it a day. ;-)

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 11 hrs 35 mins (2005-06-25 00:23:19 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Sorry, another correction. It has to be \"sold to\"

This birth certificate should remain in the possesion(or custody) of the (infant\'s) natural father, natural mother, or legal guardian. The birth certifcate is strictly prohibited from being sold to, tranferred to or taken possesion by any third party, and shall not be altered or tampered with in any manner.


wherestip
United States
Local time: 18:31
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish, Native in ChineseChinese
PRO pts in category: 28
Grading comment
两位同时提出了修改版。依我之见,Edward 版比较简单扼要,wherestip 版则更为严格。两个版本都比原译文强百倍。谢谢两位以及参与讨论的所有朋友。
至于出生证能否修改,中国现在的情况我不清楚,但美国有些州的法律规定经法院授权后是可以修改的,请见http://www.drbecky.com/birthcert.html 。另外,我认为新生儿父母可简单地译为 newborn's parents,其包括biological (natural) parents、step parents 以及 adoptive parents。

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Wenjer Leuschel: I used to make fun of/with "wishy-washy" by saying as a slogan, "Wischi-Waschi waescht am besten." (In English: "Wishy-washy washes the best.")
25 mins
  -> Thanks, Wenjer

agree  billychang
3 hrs
  -> Thanks.

agree  Philip Tang
3 hrs
  -> Thanks.

agree  Karl Gluck: With the final version. Thanks for correcting earlier spelling errors. Note: possession (note spelling), not custody (custody is only for people).
13 hrs
  -> Thanks a lot for the feedback, Karl. I'm especially bad with spelling when it comes to single or double letters. It's probably not commonplace, but I think custody of items is still okay. e.g., http://www.dads.state.tx.us/handbooks/meh/1000/1614.htm

neutral  chica nueva: I think the other is closer. There is nothing about 'third party' in the original. BTW transfer etymology = trans (across) ferre (to bear) - could explain the double 'r' ?
1 day17 hrs
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