translation of a piece of poetry (song)
English translation: Agree with colleagues, plus:
| 08:43 Jan 16, 2004 |
| English language (monolingual) [PRO] Art/Literary | |||||
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|  Selected response from: Michele Johnson Germany Local time: 01:03 | ||||
Grading comment
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| SUMMARY OF ALL EXPLANATIONS PROVIDED | ||||
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| 5 | Beautiful |
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| 4 +1 | It´s quite nice but the English isn´t perfect. |
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| 5 | ... |
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| 5 | .. |
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| 5 | Original text? |
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| 5 | Songs |
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| 3 | Agree with colleagues, plus: |
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| 3 | Consistancy of Formality |
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| Discussion entries: 8 | |
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Answers
11 mins confidence: 
peer agreement (net): +1
peer agreement (net): +1It´s quite nice but the English isn´t perfect. Explanation: E.g. "Song will always stay to your assistance", which is more than a little strange, and "we´ve sang to our dears", where "we´ve sang" should presumably be "we´ve sung", and "to our dears" is at least questionable. -------------------------------------------------- Note added at 2004-01-16 16:45:28 (GMT) -------------------------------------------------- There´s quite a lot more than these examples which is not really natural. Some of it has been pointed out in other answers. If a translation of this song is required for professional purposes you really need a native speaker to write it, not just to proof it. |
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15 mins confidence:
... Explanation: Íî÷ü! È çâ¸çäû ïðîïëûâóò â íåáåñíûõ ðåêàõ Óòðî! Çâ¸çäû ðàñòâîðÿòñÿ â ñèíåâå Òîëüêî ïåñíÿ îñòà¸òñÿ ñ ÷åëîâåêîì Ïåñíÿ íàâñåãäà ïðèíàäëåæèò òåáå! ×åðåç ãîäû è ÷ðåç ðàññòîÿíüÿ Íà ëþáîé äîðîãå è â ëþáîé çåìëå Ïåñíÿ áóäåò äëÿ òåáÿ òîâàðèù Ñ ïåñíåþ íå ïðîïàä¸øü âî ìãëå! Ïåñíÿ ñ äåòñòâà ñ íàìè, äîáðàÿ ïîäðóãà, Ñêîëüêî ïåñåí ñïåëè ìû óæå ñ òîáîé? Íî ó ïåñíè íåò êîíöà è íåòó êðàÿ Ïîêà áóäåøü ðÿäîì òû ñî ìíîé Êîãäà õîëîäíî - íàñ ïåñíÿ ñîãðåâàåò Êîãäà æàæäà ìó÷èò - ïåñíÿ íàïîÈò Òå, êòî ïåñåí íå ïî¸ò - íå ïîíèìàåò Òîò, êòî èõ íå ñëóøàåò - òîò ñïèò! Ïåðâûé, ÷åðíîâîé íàáðîñîê :) |
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40 mins confidence:
.. Explanation: Very good. I would make the following changes Night, and stars ARE¦ driftING THROUGH sky rivers Morning, ¦ and the stars ¦ ARE fadING in THE blue Song will always COME to your assistance How many ¦ more ¦ we are going sing ! When it's ¦ frosty ¦ song WILL warm the people When YOU'RE ¦ thirsty ¦ song WILL water thee |
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53 mins confidence:
Original text? Explanation: This is one custom job/delight for a friend of mine especially if you can quote the reference of the source or paste it here. And also to find a rhyme to "rivers" by replacing "human being" is quite the challenge. Much appreciated. |
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3 hrs confidence:
Agree with colleagues, plus: Explanation: I agree with Chris about "to your assistance" and "dears." Leah makes a good point about the odd use of "would" in the first 2 lines, although I might avoid the continuous form - makes it sounds more like a one-time event and not something that happens repeatedly. I find the very informal "gonna" does not go well with the later use of "thee" (although second person familiar, sounds very formal/awkward to American English ears). Saying "thee" just to rhyme with "be" is not the best solution I think. Even though it's a song, I find the word order of the last line a bit awkward. The use of "would" in the last stanza is mysterious to me. Why not "song (it) warms the people"? I'm not sure "It's frosty" is ideal. You might try other words from a thesaurus. "It's thirsty" is problematic. Also, I'm not sure you can really "water" people- plants, yes. |
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Grading comment
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7 hrs confidence:
Songs Explanation: I agree with Chris's comments and would like to add "song" alone does sound a bit queer. You may choose between "songs are..." and "a song is..." |
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