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When there was no more sand trickling down

English translation: when the sand had stopped trickling down..

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07:38 Oct 22, 2007
English to English translations [PRO]
Art/Literary - Poetry & Literature
English term or phrase: When there was no more sand trickling down
She was all but buried under the sand, with only her head showing. Unaccountably, she still had her hat on, though it looked rather crumpled.
Helped by the others, she managed to get out of the hole. When there was no more sand trickling down from her hat and dress to her feet, she smiled wanly and said, “Where are we?”

Dear native English speakers!
Please advise on the construction - does it sound natural enough in this context? I'm no NES myself, so I'm not 100% sure about it, and I would appreciate any suggestions.
This is a translation from Russian. It's a children's story. In the episode described, a girl falls through the sand (it's some sort of a trap), and her friends help her out.
Thank you.
Andrew Vdovin
Local time: 01:07
English translation:when the sand had stopped trickling down..
Explanation:
There's actually nothing at all wrong with it as it is, especially for a children's story, but this is probably how I'd say it.

"to her feet" is redundant, but again, this is a story for children...
Selected response from:

Carol Gullidge
United Kingdom
Local time: 19:07
Grading comment
Thank you for your help Carol! Thanks everybody!!!
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer

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Summary of answers provided
4 +13when the sand had stopped trickling down..
Carol Gullidge
3when she had rinsed/ whipped all the sand from her body after having been covered with itMARISA MORO


Discussion entries: 2





  

Answers


22 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +13
when there was no more sand trickling down
when the sand had stopped trickling down..


Explanation:
There's actually nothing at all wrong with it as it is, especially for a children's story, but this is probably how I'd say it.

"to her feet" is redundant, but again, this is a story for children...


Carol Gullidge
United Kingdom
Local time: 19:07
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 56
Grading comment
Thank you for your help Carol! Thanks everybody!!!

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Mark Nathan
15 mins
  -> thanks, Mark!

agree  Jack Doughty: with everything you say.
36 mins
  -> thank you, Jack!

agree  Kari Foster: Agree with all your comments
39 mins
  -> thank you, Kari!

agree  Patricia Townshend
50 mins
  -> thanks, Patricia!

agree  Ken Cox: ditto above comments
58 mins
  -> many thanks, Ken!

agree  Paula Vaz-Carreiro
1 hr
  -> thanks, Paula!

agree  Armorel Young
1 hr
  -> thanks, Armorel!

agree  Erich Ekoputra
1 hr
  -> thanks, Erich!

agree  Noni Gilbert: Agree - both with yr rendition and opinion that Andrew's is fine.
1 hr
  -> many thanks, Noni!

agree  Alexander Demyanov
4 hrs
  -> thanks, Alexander!

agree  orientalhorizon
4 hrs
  -> thanks, OH!

agree  NancyLynn
5 hrs
  -> thanks, Nancy!

agree  Rusinterp
17 hrs
  -> thanks, Rusinterp!
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1 day10 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
when there was no more sand trickling down
when she had rinsed/ whipped all the sand from her body after having been covered with it


Explanation:
when she had rinsed/ whipped all the sand from her body after having been covered with it

MARISA MORO
Argentina
Local time: 15:07
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in SpanishSpanish
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