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disappeared in their beaks

English translation: disappeared into

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GLOSSARY ENTRY (DERIVED FROM QUESTION BELOW)
English term or phrase:disappeared in
English translation:disappeared into
Entered by: Andrew Vdovin
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11:04 Jan 10, 2008
English to English translations [PRO]
Art/Literary - Poetry & Literature / children's literature
English term or phrase: disappeared in their beaks
Even magicians sometimes make mistakes, and so did I by having dropped the meat on the road. Now I had to watch the enormous birds fighting over a few pieces of rotten flesh. However, when all the meat had disappeared in their tremendous beaks, they flew away, leaving tufts of yellow fluff and lots of feathers on the ground.

Dear native English speakers!
This is my translation from Russian.
Please advise on the phrase - is it really OK to use "in" here, or would something else be better - "down", probably?
I wonder if there are any other questionable points in the fragment - it's difficult for me to be 100% sure since I'm no NES.
So I'll appreciate any suggestions.

(The guy - who is a magician - has barely managed to hide from the huge birds who suddenly swooped down attracted by the smell of the rotten meat.)

Thank you!
Andrew Vdovin
Local time: 11:02
disappeared into their beaks
Explanation:

you just need to change 'in' to 'into'. Other than that, I'd just change 'by having' in the first paragraph to 'when I', and the rest is fine.

It sounds like a lovely book. Is it being published, or is it for private consumption?
Selected response from:

Angela Dickson
United Kingdom
Local time: 05:02
Grading comment
Thank you very much for your help Angela!
And - yes, I hope it will get published.
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer

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Summary of answers provided
4 +12disappeared into their beaks
Angela Dickson


  

Answers


6 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +12
disappeared into their beaks


Explanation:

you just need to change 'in' to 'into'. Other than that, I'd just change 'by having' in the first paragraph to 'when I', and the rest is fine.

It sounds like a lovely book. Is it being published, or is it for private consumption?

Angela Dickson
United Kingdom
Local time: 05:02
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in category: 8
Grading comment
Thank you very much for your help Angela!
And - yes, I hope it will get published.

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Suzan Hamer: I might rephrase: "Even magicians sometimes make mistakes, which I realized the minute I dropped the meat onto the road."
15 mins

agree  xxxcmwilliams
16 mins

agree  Sara Mullin
22 mins

agree  Jack Doughty
41 mins

agree  Armorel Young: Yes. "Tremendous" isn't a particularly good word to describe beaks. If you want and adjective I'd go for something like "huge".
1 hr

agree  Mark Nathan: and I quite like tremendous beaks
1 hr

agree  Patricia Townshend
5 hrs

agree  orientalhorizon
14 hrs

agree  rchan
21 hrs

agree  xxxAlfa Trans
1 day2 hrs

agree  V_N
1 day12 hrs

agree  Paula Vaz-Carreiro: I completely agree with both of Angela's suggestions ('when' sounds much better). I like 'tremendous' it is just right and it means 'huge' anyway. Your translation is great Andrew!
3 days12 hrs
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