There's an I within me, deep, deeper than I

English translation: 100% correct from grammatical standpoint

18:24 Aug 29, 2008

English language (monolingual) [PRO]
Art/Literary - Poetry & Literature / Yunus Emre / Sufism

English term or phrase: There's an I within me, deep, deeper than I

Below is a poem of Yunus Emre translated into English by a Turkish professor of Eastern Languages and Literature. Actually, I've been trying to translate just one of the lines (source phrase) for about a week. What I'm asking about is whether translation of this single line has any grammatical, syntactical flaws from native speakers' point of view. Many thanks in advance.

I love you beyond the depths of my own soul;
On my way, I shun the canon and its call.

Don't say I'm in my self. I am not at all.
There's an I within me, deep, deeper than I.

Wherever I look, I see you've filled that space:
Where, in my inmost soul, can you have your place?

Don't ask me about me: I'm not inside me--
In its robe, my body walks on, all empty.

My love for you has plucked me away from me:
What sweet pain is this? It's beyond remedy.

As he passed by, Yunus chanced to meet the Friend,
And remained at the Gate at the deepest end.

Cagdas Karatas KudoZ activity Questions: 172 (none open) (15 closed without grading) Answers: 912 Türkiye
Local time: 06:31

Selected answer:100% correct from grammatical standpoint

Explanation:
As far as everything else... well, it's poetry :)

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Note added at 19 mins (2008-08-29 18:44:02 GMT) Post-grading
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Lol, thank you :)

Selected response from:

Mark Berelekhis
United States
Local time: 23:31

Grading comment

Now that the two "stars" of English KudoZ have approved it, I can comfortably use. :)
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer

SUMMARY OF ALL EXPLANATIONS PROVIDED

4 +2

100% correct from grammatical standpoint

Mark Berelekhis

I think that line is OK

Jack Doughty

Answers

5 mins confidence:

there's an i within me, deep, deeper than i I think that line is OK

Explanation:
There are other poems using similar expressions, such as this one:
Gazza_IV
There is an ‘I’ within me standing proud. of all it sees, to give commands,. living there alone, homunculus enthroned,. beholden to no rule or law ...
www.imprint.co.uk/Frame_348.htm

Jack Doughty
United Kingdom
Local time: 04:31
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in category: 518

3 mins confidence:

peer agreement (net): +2

there's an i within me, deep, deeper than i

100% correct from grammatical standpoint

Mark Berelekhis
United States
Local time: 23:31
Specializes in field
Native speaker of:

Russian,

English
PRO pts in category: 206

Grading comment

Now that the two "stars" of English KudoZ have approved it, I can comfortably use. :)

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