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for translation check

Japanese translation: Brush up

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English term or phrase:	for translation check
Japanese translation:	Brush up
Entered by:	kokuritsu

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05:00 Apr 18, 2005

English to Japanese translations [Non-PRO]
Marketing - Business/Commerce (general)

English term or phrase: for translation check

I request a simple favour. Can you please check the eng-jpn translation. it will immensely help my learning. thanks.

The name given in excel sheet received from Japan is ABCロジスティクス. When we exported the sheet for taking a backup, we found the name was エクセル・ロジスティクス株式会社 for that registry ID, and after reporting such thing, we changed it toエクセル・ロジスティクス株式会社.

日本語：日本チームから頂いたシートに書いてある企業名はABCロジスティクスである。但し、バックアップの為、シートをエクスポートした時、registryIDに該当する企業名はエクセル・ロジスティクス株式会社で、それをレポートした時、企業名を変更するよう旨の指示を受けました。

baburam

Brush up

Explanation:
Seems the Asker baburam-San well grasps the meanings of the sentences.
Keeping corrections to a minimum, a native speaker would give a finishing
touch as follows:
1. （2nd sentence）「・・・エクセル・ロジスティクス株式会社であることが分かり、その旨、レポートしたあとで、」 (“found (分かり)” needs to be rendered in this Japanese context)
2. (If “intentional” as Kurt-san and Krishna-san say,) 「企業名を変更するよう指示を受けた」（”よう旨の”is not the expression we use. Either “よう”or”旨の.”　For the end of the sentence, see 4.）
3. (If not “intentional”)　「企業名をそのように変更した。」
4. The “desu-masu” style (2nd sentence) and “da-dearu” style (1st sentence), which have lately been discussed, I guess, on this site, are mixed in the translation. The former, a polite, colloquial style; the latter, written bookish style. You can see the difference mostly by seeing how the verb at the end of a sentence conjugates. Better be unified.
Hope it helps.

Selected response from:

kokuritsu
Japan
Local time: 16:18

Grading comment

thankyou mama
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer

Summary of answers provided

4 +1

Brush up

kokuritsu

3 +1

slight variations between E and J

Kurt Hammond

Answers

26 mins confidence:

peer agreement (net): +1

slight variations between E and J

Explanation:
Just a quick glance, but I notice a couple variations between the E and J. Are these intentional?
The J version appears to have more information than the E version.

Most significantly:

we found the name was エクセル・ロジスティクス株式会社 for that registry ID, and after reporting such thing, we changed it toエクセル・ロジスティクス株式会社.

Backtranslation of the Japanese version says:
the name was エクセル・ロジスティクス株式会社 for that registry ID, and after reporting such thing, we we received direction to change it toエクセル・ロジスティクス株式会社.

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Note added at 1 hr 26 mins (2005-04-18 06:26:43 GMT)
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Also, translation seems ok assuming these differences in meaning are intentional.

Kurt Hammond
Japan
Local time: 16:18
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: