16:59 Oct 16, 2009
Amanai-san finally suggested a grammatically clean version that captures the "real point" being addressed in the source text.
There are 3 things I like about her output:
1. シャットダウンシーケンスには is placed closer to the end of the sentence, clarifying the modification relationships. This is very important in writing Japanese output that makes sense to readers (yet so often neglected.)
2. 持た「せ」る This viewpoint setting element does not exist in English language, and thus often overlooked, but is essential in writing Japanese sentences. (Sorry for stating the obvious to us native Japanese speakers, but sometimes it's good to say it out loud.) It may be said that the viewpoint is that of the programmer, similar to what we see in Aogara-san's example.
3. できるよう This also adds a viewpoint. You notice that this has dissolved into her final output, but Japanese sentences are hardly complete without this being implied.
In this trial, Amanai-san may have had the advantage of making her suggestion after examining others', but I think there's something there for us to take a look at "why" hers is a good one. | 
peer agreement (net): +2
