English translation: the world's darkness/ darkness of the world
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14:00 Jul 6, 2011
French to English translations [PRO] Art/Literary - Cinema, Film, TV, Drama / theatre review
French term or phrase:noir du monde
I'm really looking for confirmation that I've got the gist of this sentence correctly:
Plus que jamais, cette saison, je vais raconter aux étoiles le noir du monde et raconter les étoiles au noir du monde.
Here's my attempt:
More than ever this season, I’m going to tell the stars about the darkness in the world and tell the world about the stars.
It's from a theatre review, written in an infuriatingly obscure style. I've included the previous sentences here, as I think you need all of the context:
Nous, les adultes, sommes-nous un peu plus pessimistes que les jeunes ?
Les jeunes et les enfants sont-ils un peu plus optimistes ?
Animé par toutes ces pensées je me dirige vers le plateau vide.
Suspendue dans les airs, une balançoire me tend les bras.
Je m’assois dessus et m’élance doucement.
Les fauteuils du théâtre, vides à cet instant, sont autant de regards qui me voient osciller.
Optimisme… Pessimisme… Optimisme…
Maintenant je vois les yeux lumineux qui brillent dans le noir de la salle.
On dirait des étoiles.
Explanation: I think you have the gist of the sentence completely correct. I think it's beautiful, actually. I would make some subtle changes, so that the "darkness in the world" seems to be more of an entity, using 'of' or the possessive instead:
This season, more than ever, I'm going to tell the stars about the world's darkness and tell the world's darkness about the stars.
Just a little point: you've taken out the comma after "jamais", which changes the meaning.
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Answers
44 mins confidence:
darkness of the world
Explanation: I think blackness is fine, but maybe you could even use a starker expression like darkness or gloom in order to better convey the figurative character.
Regarding the first part of the sentence, I would start with "This season" and put the "more than ever" somewhere else, for example, "This season, more than ever,...." or "This season, I will.... more than ever. "
I think the author in a provocative fashion contrasts the realm of art and intellect and things beautiful with our "bad" and "mean" everyday surroundings. He wants to lament about the sorry condition of the world/vile normal life to those far removed from it, and then take back to this world some of the light he received while being with the stars, that is, act as a messenger of the bright and good.
reorient Local time: 08:50 Native speaker of: German PRO pts in category: 12
Explanation: I think you have the gist of the sentence completely correct. I think it's beautiful, actually. I would make some subtle changes, so that the "darkness in the world" seems to be more of an entity, using 'of' or the possessive instead:
This season, more than ever, I'm going to tell the stars about the world's darkness and tell the world's darkness about the stars.
Eleanor P Spain Local time: 07:50 Works in field Native speaker of: English PRO pts in category: 4
Explanation: I think this sentence is expanding the idea of the luminous eyes, like "stars", he imagines are watching in the darkness of the empty theatre; now, they are stars shining in the darkness of the world, i.e. maybe not just about the theatre itself any more but the outside world and sky as well.
So, I'd probably write something like
This season, more than ever, I want/I'd like to tell the (or THESE if still thinking about the eyes=stars) stars about the world's darkness and the world's darkness about the stars.
as for other options, I'd go with "world's darkness" as "darkness of" or "in" the world makes it seem even bleaker and darker to me. Just slightly nuanced in meaning (I think!!)
gallagy2 Ireland Specializes in field Native speaker of: English PRO pts in category: 8
The translation workplace 
