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au rythme d'un même souffle

English translation: within the beat of a single breath...

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14:13 Feb 9, 2009
French to English translations [PRO]
Art/Literary - Poetry & Literature / poetry
French term or phrase: au rythme d'un même souffle
This is a line from a narrative poem. Here is the expression as it appears in context:
Si la danse fut toujours un sujet de prédilection pour les peintres,
c'est que cet art constitue la frontière diaphane
où se fondent, en une seule harmonie,
deux thèmes dont il demeure à jamais complice:
la fleur rare et la jeune fille naissante.
*******Au rythme d'un même souffle,***********
les tiges fragiles et les courbes graciles
font exister l'espace et réhabilitent l'instant.
Sue Crocker
Canada
Local time: 10:18
English translation:within the beat of a single breath...
Explanation:
an interpretative translation....

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 13 hrs (2009-02-10 03:44:15 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

reponse to Jean Mercer:
i wanted this to be interpretative, not literal...
here it's the body itself which is dance; where rhythm and breath and heartbeats and motion blend into one concept...
i also wanted to leave enough of a conceptual margin to embrace to image and metaphor of nature (les tiges fragiles etc etc)...
and finally,
by using a rythmical pattern and half-rhymes (beat and breath), i wanted to capture the element of dance and choreography within the translation itself...
Selected response from:

Arusha Topazzini
France
Local time: 14:48
Grading comment
Thanks to everyone for all their suggestions
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer

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Summary of answers provided
4 +3within the beat of a single breath...Arusha Topazzini
4 +1to the rhythm of the same breeze
Jenn Mercer
4 +1in the same breath
B D Finch
4at the beat of one breath
Deniz Perin
4in one primordial breath
Edward LAMB
3with one rhythmic breath
Helen Shiner
3breathing in time
Emma Paulay
3within one breathTheodora OB


  

Answers


16 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
within one breath


Explanation:
or ' within the rythm of one breath'

Theodora OB
Local time: 13:48
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in DutchDutch, Native in EnglishEnglish
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16 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +1
au rythme d\'un même souffle
to the rhythm of the same breeze


Explanation:
This can be translated almost literally. However, I would use "breeze" instead of "breath" in order to correspond with the references to "fleur" and "tiges" which surround it.

Bonne chance,

Jenn

Jenn Mercer
United States
Local time: 08:48
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  xxxbowse123
1 hr
  -> Thanks!
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29 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
with one rhythmic breath


Explanation:
X and X bring space into existence/give form to/give birth to

I prefer to formulate it like this even if it departs a little from the FR which to me is somewhat clumsy.

Helen Shiner
United Kingdom
Local time: 13:48
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 68
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37 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
in one primordial breath


Explanation:
"As the mighty Ocean swells majestically
Obeying the primitive, maternal heartbeat of the Earth..."


Edward LAMB
France
Local time: 14:48
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 4
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3 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +1
in the same breath


Explanation:
Less elaborate, but I think that it is the expression of the same idea as the French.

B D Finch
France
Local time: 14:48
Works in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 39

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Susan Nicholls: agree
23 hrs
  -> Thanks Susan
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36 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +3
within the beat of a single breath...


Explanation:
an interpretative translation....

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 13 hrs (2009-02-10 03:44:15 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

reponse to Jean Mercer:
i wanted this to be interpretative, not literal...
here it's the body itself which is dance; where rhythm and breath and heartbeats and motion blend into one concept...
i also wanted to leave enough of a conceptual margin to embrace to image and metaphor of nature (les tiges fragiles etc etc)...
and finally,
by using a rythmical pattern and half-rhymes (beat and breath), i wanted to capture the element of dance and choreography within the translation itself...

Arusha Topazzini
France
Local time: 14:48
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish, Native in FrenchFrench
PRO pts in category: 4
Grading comment
Thanks to everyone for all their suggestions

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Theodora OB: I rather like this one
29 mins
  -> thank you!

agree  Marta France: I like this version, it retains a similar rhythm to the French - although it is difficult to assess without any more of the English translation for context
6 hrs
  -> thank you!

neutral  Jenn Mercer: small logical quibble: hearts beat, breaths inhale/exhale
12 hrs

agree  Sandra Mouton
2 days4 hrs

neutral  Carol Gullidge: nice idea, but mixing the metaphors! (agree with Jenn)
3 days6 hrs
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19 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
breathing in time


Explanation:
to breathe in time (to music)

Emma Paulay
France
Local time: 14:48
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in category: 56
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2 days2 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
at the beat of one breath


Explanation:
Somewhat like Ms. Arusha's answer, but a bit more rhythmical perhaps, for poetic sound.

Deniz Perin
United States
Local time: 05:48
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in category: 4

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
neutral  Carol Gullidge: I like the alliterationb, but, like Arusha's answer, this mixes the metaphors
1 day4 hrs
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