lâchant le paradis pour l'artifice, lâchant les feux de l'artifice
English translation: abandoning paradise for artifice, abandoning the bright lights for ...
Login or register (free and only takes a few minutes) to participate in this question.
You will also have access to many other tools and opportunities designed for those who have language-related jobs (or are passionate about them). Participation is free and the site has a strict confidentiality policy.
14:52 Oct 30, 2011
French to English translations [PRO] Art/Literary - Poetry & Literature
French term or phrase:lâchant le paradis pour l'artifice, lâchant les feux de l'artifice
Hi,
I'm a having trouble finding a good equivalent metaphor in English. I don't think it needs to be too literal, but it needs to sound good in English and be a clever way of repeating something along the lines of 'artifice' in two different ways...
For info, the end of the text is adapted from Baudelaire (Le Voyage), but I don't think that the first part is.
Any suggestions are really appreciated!
"A la fois conservé, surmonté, transmué, l'enfance doué de tous les moyens de l'adulte - la revanche de l'enfant sur les adultes qui l'ont trahi, *** lâchant le paradis pour l'artifice, lâchant les feux de l'artifice *** pour la veulerie, les fleurs pour le mal, l'enfant toujours amoureux de cartes et d'estampes dans le souvenir de qui le monde est encore bien plus grand qu'à la clarté des lampes."
Explanation: I don't profess to being particularly switched on today but may be able to shed a little light on this one :
"abandoning paradise for artifice, abandoning the bright lights for cowardice"
Although not compulsory, 'artifice' can be retained and a slight sacrifice of fireworks which works so well in the original, playing instead with 'artifice' and 'bright lights' as being attractive, festive even in the case of bright lights, but the underlying tone being that they have no significance.
-------------------------------------------------- Note added at 1 hr (2011-10-30 16:38:29 GMT) --------------------------------------------------
This is not a particularly easy one as there is quite a bit of finesse in the use of words in the original (artifice, feux de l'artifice... clarté, lampes...). Oblique references to Baudelaire are present : "les lfeurs pour le mal, cf. Les fleurs du mal...). None of this is incidental I imagine and has to be accounted for in any foreign language rendition!
Thanks so much for all the suggestions. Not an easy one to translate! I'm going to go with Nikki's suggestion, although probably with 'spurning' rather than 'abandoning', so thanks to both Nikki and polyglot45. 4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
In answer to the Wendy's question about the difference between 'artifice' and 'feux de l'artifice...' no, there is nothing else in the context, but as Nikki say I think this is a deliberate play on words and my problem is that I can't find a way of translating this phrase without loosing that.
In terms of the agreements, its me that needs another coffee - I have just written this down as a transcription before translating it and not checked over my grammar properly yet! - it is enfance not enfant.
Does it not read something like: abandoning paradise for (artifice) duplicity and then further abandoning the "fire" (in a figurative sense) of duplicity for "spinelessness"??
In reading your extract, there is a problem with the agreements or a typo, or I need another coffee?
"A la fois conservé, surmonté, transmué, [all of these are in the masculine singular] l'enfance doué [another masculine singular just after a feminine noun]de tous les moyens de l'adulte - la revanche de l'enfant sur les adultes qui l'ont trahi, *** lâchant le paradis pour l'artifice, lâchant les feux de l'artifice *** pour la veulerie, les fleurs pour le mal, l'enfant toujours amoureux de cartes et d'estampes dans le souvenir de qui le monde est encore bien plus grand qu'à la clarté des lampes."
Wondering if "l'enfance" ought not to read "l'enfant"?
Also wondering if "doué" ought not to read "dôté" ?
And perhaps the phrase before might explain the string of masculine endings?
Automatic update in 00:
Answers
54 mins confidence:
abandoning paradise for artifice, abandoning the bright lights for ...
Explanation: I don't profess to being particularly switched on today but may be able to shed a little light on this one :
"abandoning paradise for artifice, abandoning the bright lights for cowardice"
Although not compulsory, 'artifice' can be retained and a slight sacrifice of fireworks which works so well in the original, playing instead with 'artifice' and 'bright lights' as being attractive, festive even in the case of bright lights, but the underlying tone being that they have no significance.
-------------------------------------------------- Note added at 1 hr (2011-10-30 16:38:29 GMT) --------------------------------------------------
This is not a particularly easy one as there is quite a bit of finesse in the use of words in the original (artifice, feux de l'artifice... clarté, lampes...). Oblique references to Baudelaire are present : "les lfeurs pour le mal, cf. Les fleurs du mal...). None of this is incidental I imagine and has to be accounted for in any foreign language rendition!
Nikki Scott-Despaigne Local time: 15:16 Native speaker of: English PRO pts in category: 4
Grading comment
Thanks so much for all the suggestions. Not an easy one to translate! I'm going to go with Nikki's suggestion, although probably with 'spurning' rather than 'abandoning', so thanks to both Nikki and polyglot45.
The translation workplace 
peer agreement (net): +2
