ProZ.com global directory of translation services
 The translation workplace
Ideas
KudoZ home » Japanese to English » Poetry & Literature

松手入れされ主なき日吉館

English translation: Pine trees beautifully kept (remindind me of) the late owner of the Hiyoshi House.


Login or register (free and only takes a few minutes) to participate in this question.

You will also have access to many other tools and opportunities designed for those who have language-related jobs
(or are passionate about them). Participation is free and the site has a strict confidentiality policy.
GLOSSARY ENTRY (DERIVED FROM QUESTION BELOW)
Japanese term or phrase:松手入れされ主なき日吉館
English translation:Pine trees beautifully kept (remindind me of) the late owner of the Hiyoshi House.
Entered by: Yumico Tanaka
Options:
- Contribute to this entry
- Include in personal glossary

00:58 Nov 11, 2009
Japanese to English translations [PRO]
Art/Literary - Poetry & Literature / Haiku
Japanese term or phrase: 松手入れされ主なき日吉館
Translating a small poetry collection and I'm stuck on this haiku. How would you translate this?
Lara Silbert
Local time: 16:55
Pine trees are beautifully kept (reminds me of) the owner who is passed away at the Hiyoshi House.
Explanation:
First I thought this is a 7,5,5 form, little unique style.

まつ、ていれされ

あるじなき

ひよしかん

That will be the same interpretation as that by Mizue Hayashi.

But I thought maybe it still is 5.7.7?

まつ(の)ていれ

され(ていた)主なき

ひよしかん

The owner of Hiyoshikan was a famous lady who died in 1998, and her death was reported in a national newspaper with a photo. She only opened the house for those whom she approved. The visitors formed a sort of fan club for her, and many poets or famous people liked staying there even though it was not a fancy hostel. I was tempted to put "Mansion" for the "House" but it may be construed wrong. It was not a big or beautiful mansion, but a humble hostel-house.

So, that's why I translated like above.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 48 mins (2009-11-11 01:46:38 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

www.geocities.jp/hiwasakenji/zatuwa03.html

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 51 mins (2009-11-11 01:49:21 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Correction, the lady herself was not famous. Her house had a reputation. Many people were sorry to hear the house was to be demolished.


--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 52 mins (2009-11-11 01:51:18 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

So, this poem was probably written by someone who has stayed there before, reminiscent of the old days and the late lady, the landlord.
Selected response from:

Yumico Tanaka
Local time: 13:55
Grading comment
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer



Summary of answers provided
3 +1Pine trees are well kept in Hiyoshi-kan with no residentMizue HAYASHI
3Pine trees are beautifully kept (reminds me of) the owner who is passed away at the Hiyoshi House.
Yumico Tanaka
3The trimmed pine trees, the Hiyoshi-kan without landlords
Takako S.
Summary of reference entries provided
FYR
cinefil

  

Answers


24 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +1
Pine trees are well kept in Hiyoshi-kan with no resident


Explanation:
I just try.

I have some experience in making Haiku (for 16 years), but never in English.

Mizue HAYASHI
Hong Kong
Local time: 11:55
Native speaker of: Native in JapaneseJapanese

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Akio: Yeah, it means "Despite no one lives in the Hiyoshi-can(building) but the pines are kept up (trimmed in good shape...)." but to keep original order in Japanese is tough...
18 mins
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)

31 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
The trimmed pine trees, the Hiyoshi-kan without landlords


Explanation:
Just another option

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 32 mins (2009-11-11 01:30:31 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

FYR
http://www.asahi.com/national/update/0620/OSK200906200038.ht...

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 43 mins (2009-11-11 01:41:32 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

One more option

The trimmed pine trees, the Hiyoshi-kan sans landlords

Takako S.
Japan
Local time: 12:55
Native speaker of: Native in JapaneseJapanese
PRO pts in category: 4
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)

45 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
Pine trees are beautifully kept (reminds me of) the owner who is passed away at the Hiyoshi House.


Explanation:
First I thought this is a 7,5,5 form, little unique style.

まつ、ていれされ

あるじなき

ひよしかん

That will be the same interpretation as that by Mizue Hayashi.

But I thought maybe it still is 5.7.7?

まつ(の)ていれ

され(ていた)主なき

ひよしかん

The owner of Hiyoshikan was a famous lady who died in 1998, and her death was reported in a national newspaper with a photo. She only opened the house for those whom she approved. The visitors formed a sort of fan club for her, and many poets or famous people liked staying there even though it was not a fancy hostel. I was tempted to put "Mansion" for the "House" but it may be construed wrong. It was not a big or beautiful mansion, but a humble hostel-house.

So, that's why I translated like above.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 48 mins (2009-11-11 01:46:38 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

www.geocities.jp/hiwasakenji/zatuwa03.html

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 51 mins (2009-11-11 01:49:21 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Correction, the lady herself was not famous. Her house had a reputation. Many people were sorry to hear the house was to be demolished.


--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 52 mins (2009-11-11 01:51:18 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

So, this poem was probably written by someone who has stayed there before, reminiscent of the old days and the late lady, the landlord.

Yumico Tanaka
Local time: 13:55
Works in field
Native speaker of: Native in JapaneseJapanese
PRO pts in category: 16
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)




Reference comments


2 hrs
Reference: FYR

Reference information:
奈良の日吉館なら私も二回ほど宿泊したことがあります。
なかなかユニークな宿でした。
会津八一などが愛した宿ですね。
http://www.geocities.jp/hiwasakenji/zatuwa03.html

cinefil
Japan
Native speaker of: Native in JapaneseJapanese
PRO pts in category: 15
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)




Return to KudoZ list


Changes made by editors
Nov 20, 2009 - Changes made by Yumico Tanaka:
Created KOG entryKudoZ term => KOG term


KudoZ™ translation help
The KudoZ network provides a framework for translators and others to assist each other with translations or explanations of terms and short phrases.



See also: