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help-long crazy sentence w/messed-up grammar

English translation: my attempt

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13:45 Nov 8, 2007
Russian to English translations [PRO]
Medical - Medical (general) / neurology
Russian term or phrase: help-long crazy sentence w/messed-up grammar
At least, it seems messed up to me. I am having trouble making heads or tails of the following:

При сопастовлении функционально-метаболических расстройств выявленным корреляционным анализом и изменением степени активности в мозжечке (fronto-, parieto-, temporocerebellaris), как представителем структуры несущие связи проекционного характера и корковыми зонами полушарий становится понятным, что функционально-метаболическая картина дистального аппарата проекционных связей страдает в большей степени.

Here's my attempt:

When the functional and metabolic disturbances are compared by correlational analysis with the change in cerebellar activity level (fronto-, parieto-, temporocerebellaris), as a representative of the structures bearing the projection-type connections and the cortical regions of the hemispheres, it becomes clear that the functional and metabolic picture of the distal apparatus of the projection connections suffers to a greater degree.
Jennifer Guernsey
United States
Local time: 12:24
English translation:my attempt
Explanation:
Not only grammar is messed-up here but spelling too!

I would just change the first part of your translation:

When the functional and metabolic disturbances found by correlational analysis are compared with the change in cerebellar activity level

Instead of выявленным one should read выявленных
Selected response from:

mas63
Russian Federation
Local time: 19:24
Grading comment
If I could split the points, I would, because I used both of your suggestions. Thank you so much!
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer

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Summary of answers provided
3 +2my attempt
mas63
4my attemp
Natalie


  

Answers


13 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +2
my attempt


Explanation:
Not only grammar is messed-up here but spelling too!

I would just change the first part of your translation:

When the functional and metabolic disturbances found by correlational analysis are compared with the change in cerebellar activity level

Instead of выявленным one should read выявленных

mas63
Russian Federation
Local time: 19:24
Works in field
Native speaker of: Native in RussianRussian
PRO pts in category: 144
Grading comment
If I could split the points, I would, because I used both of your suggestions. Thank you so much!

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Bragarnyk: выявленным => выявленных - found
8 mins
  -> thank you

agree  Alexander Demyanov: I'd use "determined" rather than "found"
10 mins
  -> thank you
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)

22 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
my attemp


Explanation:
The RU sentence needs some corrections (shown in [.]):

При соп[оста]влении функционально-метаболических расстройств[,] выявленны[x] корреляционным анализом[,] и изменением степени активности в мозжечке (fronto-, parieto-, temporocerebellaris), как представителе[-] структуры[,] несущ[ей] связи проекционного характера[,] и корковыми зонами полушарий становится понятным, что функционально-метаболическая картина дистального аппарата проекционных связей страдает в большей степени.


What about the EN version, I would include some more text in the parentheses, for the sake of better comprehensibility:

When the functional and metabolic disturbances revealed by correlational analysis are compared with the changes in the activity level of cerebellum (fronto-, parieto- and temporocerebellaris, representing the structures with projection-type connections) as well as with the changes in the cortical regions of the hemispheres, it becomes clear that the functional and metabolic picture of the distal apparatus of the projection connections suffers to a greater degree.

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Note added at 9 hrs (2007-11-08 23:22:10 GMT)
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attempT, of course, sorry :-)

Natalie
Poland
Local time: 18:24
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in RussianRussian
PRO pts in category: 685
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