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Your critique, please

English translation: a few suggestions

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05:00 May 20, 2003
Spanish to English translations [PRO]
Bus/Financial / Annual Report (letter from the Chairman)
Spanish term or phrase: Your critique, please
I know this is not supposed to be done here, but...
Would you, my dear Proz, kindly take a look at the paragraph below?
As I said when I posted my first question tonight, Economics is not (and will never be) a field that I would even dare to mention among those I humbly offer to translate into English.
However, a very good client of mine asked me to "do the best I could" with a couple of pages, and I simply couldn't say no.

Here is the original, followed by my translation, which I am admittedly uncomfortable with.
Thanks in advance for your indulgence!

Durante el año 2002, y tal como ha venido sucediendo en los últimos años, la economía chilena mostró aumentos modestos en sus niveles de actividad y en la demanda interna, con signos de superación más bien débiles. Es así como los mayores logros económicos del año 2002 provienen de una baja inflación y fluctuaciones controladas en las principales variables financieras, el tipo de cambio y las tasas de interés. A estos resultados positivos hay que agregar los acuerdos logrados para la firma de tratados de libre comercio con Estados Unidos, la Unión Europea y Corea del Sur. Sin embargo, la incertidumbre prevaleciente en la Región y el menor crecimiento de la economía mundial determinaron una demanda interna deprimida, con tasas de crecimiento del producto menor a lo esperado y tasas de desempleo elevadas.

In 2002, as in previous years, the Chilean economy showed modest increases in its levels of activity and internal demand, with rather weak signs of improvement. That is how the country’s most relevant economic achievements in the reported year come from a low inflation and controlled fluctuations in primary financial variables, including the exchange rate and interest rates. To this positive outcome, the agreements on the subscription of free trade treaties reached with the United States of America, the European Union, and South Korea must be added. However, the uncertainty prevailing in the Region, coupled with the slow growth in world economy, brought about a depressed internal demand, with GDP growth rates below forecast, and high unemployment rates.
María Eugenia Wachtendorff
Chile
Local time: 18:07
English translation:a few suggestions
Explanation:


...showed modest increases in activity levels and internal demand.
[I don't think 'its' is necessary]

I would get rid of "that is how" and start the sentence with "The country’s most relevant..." I can't think of a good altenative but it reads better without "that is how".


...prevailing uncertainty in the Region, together with a slowdown in world economy, has led to a depressed internal demand, with GDP growth rates below forecast, and high unemployment rates.

HTH ;)
Selected response from:

xxxjmf
Grading comment
THANK YOU SO MUCH, GUYS, AND PARTICULARLY TO JAMIE, WHO GETS THE KUDOZ!
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer

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Summary of answers provided
5 +1domestic demand
Jason Willis-Lee
4 +1a few suggestionsxxxjmf
4 +1I would say...
Simona de Logu


  

Answers


2 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +1
I would say...


Explanation:
...Therefore, the main economic achievements in 2002 were low inflation and controlled fluctuations in the exchange rate and interest rates. To these positive developments must be added the signing of free trade agreements with X,Y and Z in 2002. But with uncertainty prevalent in the region and the global economy growing more slowly, internal demand was depressed, with GDP growth rates below forecast and high levels of unemployment.

Simona de Logu
United Kingdom
Local time: 22:07
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish, Native in GermanGerman
PRO pts in pair: 102

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  guillen: I forgot to add: I am a native English speaker, if that counts for anything!
5 hrs
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3 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +1
a few suggestions


Explanation:


...showed modest increases in activity levels and internal demand.
[I don't think 'its' is necessary]

I would get rid of "that is how" and start the sentence with "The country’s most relevant..." I can't think of a good altenative but it reads better without "that is how".


...prevailing uncertainty in the Region, together with a slowdown in world economy, has led to a depressed internal demand, with GDP growth rates below forecast, and high unemployment rates.

HTH ;)

xxxjmf
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in pair: 256
Grading comment
THANK YOU SO MUCH, GUYS, AND PARTICULARLY TO JAMIE, WHO GETS THE KUDOZ!

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  guillen: "That is how" is simply a literal translation of "asi es como" and sounds unnatural in English.
4 hrs
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7 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 5/5 peer agreement (net): +1
domestic demand


Explanation:
and not internal demand I think is better here

Jason Willis-Lee
Local time: 23:07
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in pair: 36

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  guillen: Obviously, statement that English is my native language was meant to go here...
43 mins
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