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help with sentence.

English translation: One suggestion

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07:23 Nov 7, 2003
Spanish to English translations [PRO]
Bus/Financial / Venezuela's economy
Spanish term or phrase: help with sentence.
Hi there, I've been struggling with this sentence for a while, I've offered three different alternatives to the author and he hasn't liked any of them. Could anyone lend a hand?

Here's the original:
La economía privada, fundamentalmente importadora, dependiente también de las divisas de un Estado sobredimensionado, burocratizado e ineficiente, contribuyó, beneficiando solo a una pequeña parte de la población, a que la corrupción se convirtiera en el medio principal de distribución de la riqueza, que entonces se hizo incontrolable y estructural

Here's my most recent version!
The private economy was primarily an importing one (and also dependent on the foreign exchange of an overwieldy State, which was bureaucratic and inefficient), and contributed to corruption becoming the principal means of wealth distribution, thus benefiting only a small section of the population. Such corruption rapidly got out of control and became institutionalized.

And here's what he's said:
No funciona, Léelo otra vez en español. Hay diversas cosas ahí. Una que la economía privada es ineficiente, rentista, importadora. Dependiente del estado. El estado, por su parte, burocrático y ineficiente. Pero lo que quiero decir es que, encima, la corrupción que siempre se le achaca al gobierno es responsabilidad de toda la economía, que termina haciéndose dependiente también de ella, para distribuir los grandes ingresos

I'm not sure I entirely understand this.
Thanks
xx
Anna Moorby DipTrans
Local time: 03:02
English translation:One suggestion
Explanation:
The private sector economy was essentially import based and dependent on the currency of a top heavy, bureaucratic and inefficient State. Whilst the private sector benefitted only a small part of the population, it played a significant role in turning corruption into the main system of wealth distribution. This corruption subsequently spiralled out of control and became an essential part of the State's economy.

This expands on the Spanish in a couple of places, but I think it gets across the message that the author talks about in his message to you.
Selected response from:

xxxKitti Moonli
Local time: 03:02
Grading comment
Thanks everyone for your help. In the end the author plumped for this translation as the clearest of what he wanted to say
besitos
xx
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer

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Summary of answers provided
5 +3One suggestionxxxKitti Moonli
4 +1Another suggestion
Jackie Bowman
5 -1three sentences in EnglishJane Lamb-Ruiz
4By benefiting only a small section of the population,xxxCMJ_Trans


  

Answers


55 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
By benefiting only a small section of the population,


Explanation:
the private sector economy, essentially based on imports and also dependent on a top-heavy, bureaucratic and inefficient State, contributed towards corruption becoming the main means of wealth distribution, subsequently spiralling out of control and becoming endemic

This is a pedestrian translation in the hope of showing you the link between the ideas
HTH

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Note added at 2003-11-07 08:19:46 (GMT)
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and subsequently (sorry, forgot the \"and\")

xxxCMJ_Trans
Local time: 03:02
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in pair: 1342
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1 hr   confidence: Answerer confidence 5/5 peer agreement (net): +3
One suggestion


Explanation:
The private sector economy was essentially import based and dependent on the currency of a top heavy, bureaucratic and inefficient State. Whilst the private sector benefitted only a small part of the population, it played a significant role in turning corruption into the main system of wealth distribution. This corruption subsequently spiralled out of control and became an essential part of the State's economy.

This expands on the Spanish in a couple of places, but I think it gets across the message that the author talks about in his message to you.

xxxKitti Moonli
Local time: 03:02
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in pair: 16
Grading comment
Thanks everyone for your help. In the end the author plumped for this translation as the clearest of what he wanted to say
besitos
xx

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Giles Bickford: And a good analysis of the Venezuelan situation!
1 hr
  -> Thank you!

agree  Fanny_C
2 hrs
  -> Thank you!

agree  Terejimenez
11 hrs
  -> Thank you!
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6 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 5/5 peer agreement (net): -1
three sentences in English


Explanation:
The private sector was essentially import based and also dependent on income from an oversized, bureaucratic and inefficient state. Only a small fraction of the population benefited from this state of affairs in which corruption became the main lever for wealth distribution, which in turn became uncontrollable and structural.

This is the simplest way, IMO. I bet you he will like the LEVER...


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Note added at 2003-11-07 14:28:53 (GMT)
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Sorry: it\'s not INCOME it\'s REVENUES [meaning the OIL MONEY, basicallym which he does not say] but ask him and I am sure he will agree.

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Note added at 2003-11-07 14:29:17 (GMT)
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I meant to say two sentences, not three.

Jane Lamb-Ruiz
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish, Native in PortuguesePortuguese
PRO pts in pair: 7709

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
disagree  Jackie Bowman: Suspect it’s the corruption, not the wealth distribution, that became uncontrollable and so on. The “in turn” confuses.
3 hrs
  -> that's what the comma is for..
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9 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +1
Another suggestion


Explanation:
The private sector economy, essentially import-oriented and dependent on the foreign exchange reserves of an overly large, bureaucratic and inefficient state, benefited only a small sector of the population. Hence the foremost means of wealth-distribution was corruption, which became an uncontrollable and structural feature of the economy.

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Note added at 2003-11-08 02:14:26 (GMT)
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\"That\'s what the comma is for\" ?!?

Are you kidding me? Subordinate clauses? Use of \"which\" and \"that\" in restrictive and non-restrictive clauses? This is translation 101. In fact, this is grammatical English 101.


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Note added at 2003-11-08 03:57:13 (GMT)
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I bet you (if he understands sematics and what an English sentence is meant to do) that he will hate the LEVER. $1000. Personal gurantee. But, please, ask him. I\'m sure he WILL agree. IMO, et al, and so on boringly forever.

Jackie Bowman
Local time: 21:02
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in pair: 400

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Jane Lamb-Ruiz: What is boring is hyperbole
2 days20 hrs
  -> Well ... er ... no. Think you might be wrong on that one.
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