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long, unwieldy sentence (see source and draft translation)

English translation: My suggestion

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18:32 May 22, 2005
Spanish to English translations [PRO]
Engineering (general) / boat modelling using laser scanning techniques
Spanish term or phrase: long, unwieldy sentence (see source and draft translation)
Source:

Durante esta fase fueron ensamblados los dos elementos principales de la boat, casco y cubierta (figura 8), una vez obtenido este modelo único se identificó su eje de simetría (línea de proa a popa), obteniendo por intersección con el modelo de superficies y mediante una serie de planos perpendiculares a este eje y a distancias variables, cada 0,25 metros y en la zona de popa cada 0,50 metros, las secciones (hasta un total de 37 secciones) y planos de formas de la craft

My draft:

In this phase the two main elements of the boat – the hull and the deck – were assembled (Figure 8). Next the symmetry axis (stern to bow) was determined, obtaining cross-sections (up to 37) and outline drawings of the craft by intersection with the surfaces model and using a series of drawings created perpendicular to this axis at variable distances (at intervals of 0.25 metres, and in the bow area, at intervals of 0.50 metres).

Thhanks to all for the help this afternoon. I am working on a text that is fairly poor in terms of writing skills, and would appreciate any suggestions in regard to the above sentence:-)
xxxLia Fail
Spain
Local time: 03:17
English translation:My suggestion
Explanation:
In this phase the two main elements of the boat – the hull and the deck – were assembled (Figure 8). Next the symmetry axis (stern to bow line) of this model was determined, obtaining cross-sections (up to 37) and outline drawings of the craft by intersection of the surfaces model with several planes perpendicular to this axis at variable distances (at .25-meters intervals, and at .50-meters intervals in the bow area).

Hi Ailish, I am an engineer and have some experience with ships, but I personally don’t translate into English, so you could validate my suggestion with some native-language colleague

Kind regards,
Enrique
Selected response from:

two2tango
Argentina
Local time: 22:17
Grading comment
this amkes absolute sense to me, "...by intersecting the surface model with.." is where the problem was.

Thanks TTT:-)
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer

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Summary of answers provided
4 +1try a specialised forumxxxAnneM
4Hi Ailish
Parrot
3 +1My suggestion
two2tango
2There's probably a false senseJavier Herrera


Discussion entries: 5





  

Answers


32 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 2/5Answerer confidence 2/5
There's probably a false sense


Explanation:
Ailish,
Sorry to judge the English writing, I'm not a native. BUT, "obtaining cross-sections" OR "*by* obtaining cross-sections"? My hunch is they're not the same thing, though it's up to you to tell me if they're the same thing. The axis is a result of the cross-sections, I can garantee that's what the original says. The way you put it, would it not mean the sections are a result of determining the axis?

Javier Herrera
Native speaker of: Native in SpanishSpanish
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2 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +1
My suggestion


Explanation:
In this phase the two main elements of the boat – the hull and the deck – were assembled (Figure 8). Next the symmetry axis (stern to bow line) of this model was determined, obtaining cross-sections (up to 37) and outline drawings of the craft by intersection of the surfaces model with several planes perpendicular to this axis at variable distances (at .25-meters intervals, and at .50-meters intervals in the bow area).

Hi Ailish, I am an engineer and have some experience with ships, but I personally don’t translate into English, so you could validate my suggestion with some native-language colleague

Kind regards,
Enrique


two2tango
Argentina
Local time: 22:17
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in SpanishSpanish
PRO pts in category: 16
Grading comment
this amkes absolute sense to me, "...by intersecting the surface model with.." is where the problem was.

Thanks TTT:-)

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Marijke Singer: Yes, I agree but just to be a nit-picker: "surface model" and "at 0.25 metre and 0.50 metre intervals" (unless it is for the USA: meter)
43 mins
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13 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +1
try a specialised forum


Explanation:
I think the key here is to understand the process involved in modelling a boat. Once you understand this, you will be able to simplify the sentence and make it understandable. If researching of boat modelling techniques/programs etc. does not yield results, I would suggest logging into a forum (there's one at http://boatdesign.net) and asking someone there for help. I have done this in the past with good and bad results but people are generally willing to help despite the length of the question ;-).

First, however, I would try to break the process down into points and identify exactly which parts you don't understand.



xxxAnneM
Local time: 03:17
Works in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Endre Both
31 mins
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1 day15 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
Hi Ailish


Explanation:
This is probably way off your deadline, but Billy asked me to post my reading here. Basically, it has to do with the fact that the gerund in Spanish behaves differently from the gerund in English (1. we never detach it from a subject, so the Spanish impersonal may sound weird to us; 2. the Spanish gerund can create a subordination of ideas that may not sound that logical as ideas; this is because the perception of the receiver is oriented not to the idea, but to the tense/time sequence, which may be simultaneous or subsequent but never prior).

Thus, to clear up the thorny part, the writer meant something like "The symmetry axis (stern to bow) was determined. Cross-sections (up to 37) and outline drawings of the craft were obtained by the intersection with the surface model of a series of planes perpendicular to this axis at variable distances (at intervals of 0.25 metres, and in the bow area, at intervals of 0.50 metres)."

This came up as part of the moderator discussions on your request.

Parrot
Spain
Local time: 03:17
Works in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 32
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