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Art/Literary - Poetry & Literature | | Spanish term or phrase: macho cabrío | En tu alcoba de macho cabrío introduje violetas africanas
y rodeé de jazmines indios los bordes de tus infranqueables
ventanas
-esas que ahora el perfume traspasa con ruido de vidrios
rotos-
In your bedroom of macho virile I introduced African violets
and rounded with Indian jasmine your insurmountable windows
those that now the perfume goes through the glass
broken noise.
No sé si suena fuerte la palabra macho en inglés.... |
| | | English translation:In your virile chamber... | Explanation:
In your virile chamber I introduced African violets
and surrounded your insurmountable windows with Indian jasmine
-those that now the perfume goes through with the noise of windows being
broken-.
Hi Richard,
Yes, it's a little strong, but I find the problem to be more that it is an ugly sounding word in English that has very unpleasant connotations. And not as commonly used as it is in Spanish.
Therefore, perhaps you could lose "macho" and just use "virile" (which is also strong and sexual but not necessarily unpleasant). "Chamber", to me, is more poetic and suggestive than "bedroom", which is a little pedestrian.
Instead of "rounded" I would use "surrounded" and change the word order to sound more natural in English.
Maybe I'm reading it wrong, but I understand "rotos" to modify "vidrios"; therefore the line would be more like the perfume going through with the noise of broken windows. I think the word break should be preserved, with "rotos" or "broken" to be the final word; to do this you need to play with the word order in English a bit.
Hope this helps. What a great project. |
| Selected response from:
Tara Orzolek
Local time: 21:59
| Grading comment Thanks indeed
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer |
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| Discussion entries: 0 |
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Automatic update in 00:
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22 mins confidence:   peer agreement (net): +6 In your virile chamber...
Explanation:
In your virile chamber I introduced African violets
and surrounded your insurmountable windows with Indian jasmine
-those that now the perfume goes through with the noise of windows being
broken-.
Hi Richard,
Yes, it's a little strong, but I find the problem to be more that it is an ugly sounding word in English that has very unpleasant connotations. And not as commonly used as it is in Spanish.
Therefore, perhaps you could lose "macho" and just use "virile" (which is also strong and sexual but not necessarily unpleasant). "Chamber", to me, is more poetic and suggestive than "bedroom", which is a little pedestrian.
Instead of "rounded" I would use "surrounded" and change the word order to sound more natural in English.
Maybe I'm reading it wrong, but I understand "rotos" to modify "vidrios"; therefore the line would be more like the perfume going through with the noise of broken windows. I think the word break should be preserved, with "rotos" or "broken" to be the final word; to do this you need to play with the word order in English a bit.
Hope this helps. What a great project.
| Tara Orzolek
Local time: 21:59
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in category: 8
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The translation workplace 
