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"这一次大陆又输了"
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Kenneth Woo
Kenneth Woo
China
Local time: 10:27
English to Chinese
目的論 Oct 23, 2014

Yuliang:

你我觀點大致相近,但你的闡述得更有深度。譯文要傳達文章主旨,譯者應該都有共識,糾結之處是細枝末節在忠實和流暢之間如何取捨、平衡,對這一問題,你的目的論可以說非常有指導價值。

不過恕我直言,你說那句原譯「輕輕地,改變一切」勝過我和其他幾位同仁的譯文,我不敢苟同。這倒不是說我自己的譯文如何高明,關鍵是原譯根本未體現英文主旨。「Change is in the air」表示正面的變化即將發生,大家都能感覺到,而原譯則說不動聲色,悄然無息改變一切,不僅把「即將發生」這一關鍵信息丟失了,「輕輕地」也與蘋果要表達的高調之意大相徑庭。此外,「一切」所指非常含糊,到底是第二款功能、材質、外觀改了,還是第二款改變一切(我們的生活之類)?也稍嫌誇張,第二款本於第一款,不可能把什麼都改掉。


沒有抬槓的意思,說的都是我的真實看法,有不當的地方,歡迎大家批評指正: )


[Edited at 2014-10-23 13:26 GMT]


 
David Lin
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一點客觀分析 Oct 23, 2014

Kenneth Woo wrote:

我們平常所譯文句,要令譯文與之文意風格悉符,分毫不差(諸位自己掂量這四個字的意思),也是極難之事,甚至幾無可能,何況雙關.....
Change is in the air.




何止雙關,‘Change is in the air' 其實是 “六關”!

第 一 關: air = iPad 型號的名字 -> iPad Air 2

第 二 關: air as in ”light as air" - "輕盈" - 正如其英文廣告所言:“So capable, you won’t want to put it down. So thin and light, you won’t have to.” (18% thinner and 6.1 mm thin and 0.96 pound)

http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/light%20as%20air

第 三 關:in the air = 期待、即將發生 expectation
當在前面加上 change 後,又多了另外三關:

第 四 關:change is in the Air => iPad Air 2 新機本身的任何改變

第 五 關:change is in the air => 變得如何像空氣般輕盈

第 六 關:change is in the air = 令人殷切期待、周圍散發著變化的含義,好像 Spring or Autumn is in the air 的傳統表達。

遇到這種複雜情況,也是蠻辣手的。有經驗的譯員通常都會和客戶商討,先了解他們想在中文廣告語句裡優先表達的意思,才去取捨構思譯文。

Apple 最後採用了 “輕輕地,改變一切”,顯然側重於 “改變” 及 “輕” 這兩個宣傳重點。

個人覺得 “輕輕地” 有點語帶相關。一方面可以理解為 “靜悄悄地”,但同時也令人有 “聯想” 空間,例如:挺輕的 -重量輕了;甚至也可能令人聯想到 “輕易改變“,很符合蘋果產品一貫 ”簡單易用“ 的宗旨。

至於 "改變一切",是有點誇大其詞, Ken。 但是廣告口號有點誇張,也是自然之事。再看看 iPad Air 2 廣告其他部份,也強調 iPad 機器整體上的改變 例如:not just thinner display but better display, massive power and faster wireless etc.

短短一句廣告口號,翻譯員需要 “過五關、斬六將”,文稿才被採納。

以上純屬客觀分析,供大家討論,對任何中譯文暫時沒有個人偏好。


 
ysun
ysun  Identity Verified
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Well said Oct 23, 2014

QHE wrote:

那句广告语本身非常好,这里在谈论对”苹果英文广告的翻译”。从译文看,那位译者好象是见文生意,没有理解英文 “...... in the air” 这个惯用语。 ORANGE 好不好?当然好。可是: ORANGES ARE NOT APPLES!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apples_and_oranges



Of course, I prefer Apple.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b0/Apple_Headquarters_in_Cupertino.jpg


 
wherestip
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A lot of it is also in the approval process Oct 23, 2014

David Lin wrote:

短短一句廣告口號,翻譯員需要 “過五關、斬六將”,文稿才被採納。



Agree, David. But I'm sure the final decision was not made by Tim Cook, or Craig what's-his-name.

If only they knew!


[Edited at 2014-10-23 18:18 GMT]


 
David Lin
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selection process Oct 23, 2014

wherestip wrote:

David Lin wrote:

短短一句廣告口號,翻譯員需要 “過五關、斬六將”,文稿才被採納。



... If only they knew!




Bingo!

I doubt the CEO of Apple would make direct decisions on a foreign language ad slogan unless he knows the language himself. As Apple has the tradition to contract a PR firm in the US to do ad campaigns for them, I bet the senior staff in that firm would make most of the decisions for Apple, including testing the shortlisted versions on humans. I guess they would random sample them in the Chinese-speaking regions (the targeted markets) before picking the final winner.

And the tests on humans would be done by local PR firms who have better contacts locally (and know the local market thoroughly) when recruiting appropriate testers (different age groups, background, literacy level, techie level etc.)

Having said this, all depends on individual PR firms internal operation style but they would follow certain standard professional practices to ensure the "best" ad slogan be selected for the client's product/s.


 
wherestip
wherestip  Identity Verified
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Indeed Oct 23, 2014

David,

Incompetency could run rampant too. I think we all remember the sign-language interpreter incident at Nelson Mandela's Memorial Service. He somehow got selected too by some wondrous process.


[Edited at 2014-10-24 00:09 GMT]


 
wherestip
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Apples's Advertising Campaign Oct 23, 2014

http://www.apple.com/apple-events/2014-oct-event/

I recommend everyone watch the first 2 minutes of the keynote of Apple's Oct. 16th event.


[Edited at 2014-10-23 19:24 GMT]


 
David Lin
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电 池 问 题 Oct 23, 2014

之前各位热烈地讨论了 ”电池“ 的有关问题。今日我也留意到 iPad Air 2 广告将 "battery life" 译成 ”电池使用时间“ 及 ”電池續航力“ 。

例句如下:
- 事实上,凭借 64 位台式电脑级架构,iPad Air 2 所拥有的强大性能可与众多个人电脑相媲美。不仅如此,它的能效也非常出色,长达 10 小时的电池使用时间,可满足你日常一天的工作、娱乐、浏览网�... See more
之前各位热烈地讨论了 ”电池“ 的有关问题。今日我也留意到 iPad Air 2 广告将 "battery life" 译成 ”电池使用时间“ 及 ”電池續航力“ 。

例句如下:
- 事实上,凭借 64 位台式电脑级架构,iPad Air 2 所拥有的强大性能可与众多个人电脑相媲美。不仅如此,它的能效也非常出色,长达 10 小时的电池使用时间,可满足你日常一天的工作、娱乐、浏览网络及购物所用.
[了解更多]
iPad Air 2 不但比上一代更薄更轻,而且在 M8 运动协处理器的支持下,仍然拥有长达 10 小时的出色电池使用时间。因此,你能做得更多,也更轻松得多。

- 事實上,配備 64 位元桌面電腦級架構的 iPad Air 2,效能好比眾多個人電腦般強勁,而且更節能。它的 10 小時電池使用時間,伴你工作、玩樂、瀏覽網頁和購物,一天都好用。
[了解更多]
iPad Air 2 不僅比上一代 iPad Air 更纖薄輕巧,更有賴 M8 動態協同處理器之助,仍然擁有讓人驚歎的 10 小時持久電池使用時間,你可以做得更多,要帶的卻更少。

- 事實上,配備 64 位元桌上型電腦級架構的 iPad Air 2,強大性能媲美眾多個人電腦。同時它相當節能,10 小時電池續航力,陪你工作、玩樂、上網與購物,整天都好用。

[了解更多]
iPad Air 2 不但比上一代 iPad Air 更加纖薄輕巧,部分歸功於 M8 動作感應協同處理器,它仍有無比驚人的 10 小時電池續航力。所以,你能做得更多,攜帶卻更輕便。

以上引述仅供参考及讨论,个人暂时对于任何中译文没有任何偏好。

[Edited at 2014-10-23 20:24 GMT]

[Edited at 2014-10-23 20:40 GMT]
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jyuan_us
jyuan_us  Identity Verified
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鄧勤咖啡,美國動力 ONE OF THE BEST, RARELY SEEN Oct 23, 2014

wherestip wrote:

鄧勤咖啡,美國動力。


America runs on Dunkin'
鄧勤咖啡,美國動力

Now that's the kind of translation of an ad that excels in my book.


[Edited at 2014-10-23 14:56 GMT] [/quote]

That's the way slogan translation should be

换一批人做,可能就成了:美国跑在邓勤上

稍微有创意一点的:

没有邓勤,美国怎么跑/运作/经营


 
wherestip
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喜欢字面翻的 Oct 23, 2014

jyuan_us wrote:

That's the way slogan translation should be

换一批人做,可能就成了:美国跑在邓勤上

稍微有创意一点的:

没有邓勤,美国怎么跑/运作/经营


... I dread to think what that could be like.


[Edited at 2014-10-24 01:27 GMT]


 
Kenneth Woo
Kenneth Woo
China
Local time: 10:27
English to Chinese
原文與譯文 Oct 24, 2014

David:

原文與譯文在廣告翻譯中是絕難做到完全對等的,與其執著於根本無法完全傳達出的「關」,不如把原文核心譯出。

原文的核心由兩部分組成,一是變化大,更輕了,更薄了,畫面更清晰了,無線連接速度更快了等等,二是這麼多的變化馬上就會呈現世人眼前。不管此設備蘋果改動如何多,不管變化是內是外,都可以完全濃縮在「蛻變」二字中。「蛻�
... See more
David:

原文與譯文在廣告翻譯中是絕難做到完全對等的,與其執著於根本無法完全傳達出的「關」,不如把原文核心譯出。

原文的核心由兩部分組成,一是變化大,更輕了,更薄了,畫面更清晰了,無線連接速度更快了等等,二是這麼多的變化馬上就會呈現世人眼前。不管此設備蘋果改動如何多,不管變化是內是外,都可以完全濃縮在「蛻變」二字中。「蛻變」指由第一款經過大範圍改良,變身為第二款,含義積極明確,且內寓比喻。「在即」則指馬上就要發生,呈現,讓人滿懷期待。

總體來看,「蛻變在即」不僅抓住了英文標語之主旨,也與原文一樣簡潔,琅琅上口,結構也一致,唯一遺憾之處是未反映「air」一字的修辭手法。

Change      is in the air.
蛻變        在即。

Fargoer 說「XX 在即」聽起來像公文,我個人沒這種感覺。「在即」一詞鮮見於公文,在新聞和文學作品裡倒常見。

大家莫誤會,我並無偏袒拙譯之意。如果同仁能實實在在指出「蛻變在即」的失當之處,我非常樂意聆教,不過「六關」漏譯除外哈。:)

[Edited at 2014-10-24 01:14 GMT]

[Edited at 2014-10-24 01:14 GMT]
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ysun
ysun  Identity Verified
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Totally agree Oct 24, 2014

jyuan_us wrote:

“轻轻地,改变一切” 意思等于“静悄悄地改变着一切”,这还有原文的痕迹吗?

1. 你从“轻轻地,改变一切”这句话中真的感到“更轻了”这层意思吗?
2. IN THE AIR 有“悄然而至”的意思吗?据我所知,应该没有。
3. 你从原始翻译中体验到了“改变一切,依然是浓浓的苹果风”,难道“改变一切”不是“改变世界上的一切”的意思吗?这个说法是苹果的初衷吗?

用改变来翻译CHANGE 其实也是不准确的,CHANGE 自从奥巴马竞选开始,变成了一个很大很正面的词,其对应的中文不总是简单的“改变”。改变可以是正面的,也可以是负面的,是一个完全中性的词汇。而在原文中,它是一个极其正面的大词,相当于中文的“变革”或者“改善”,“改进”等。


[Edited at 2014-10-23 11:13 GMT]

What does “一切” mean here? The Universe, the whole world, all people’s lifestyle, or all of the components and functions of an iPad Air 2? We could only guess from the Chinese version.

“轻轻地” is an adverb used for modifying the verb “改变”. It has nothing to do with the weight of an iPad Air 2.


 
ysun
ysun  Identity Verified
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“轻轻地” vs. “輕輕的” Oct 24, 2014

David Lin wrote:

個人覺得 “輕輕地” 有點語帶相關。一方面可以理解為 “靜悄悄地”,但同時也令人有 “聯想” 空間,例如:挺輕的 -重量輕了;甚至也可能令人聯想到 “輕易改變“,很符合蘋果產品一貫 ”簡單易用“ 的宗旨。

David,

I believe it is the simplified Chinese version for mainland China, “轻轻,改变一切”, that we’ve been discussing so far since the traditional Chinese versions “輕輕,改變一切” for Hong Kong and Taiwan are a bit different. Do you agree?

If you don’t have any objection to the above, I’d like to point out that “轻轻地” is an adverb used for modifying the verb “改变”. It is not the same as the adjective “輕輕的”. So, “轻轻地” has nothing to do with the weight of an iPad Air 2. Only the adjective “輕輕的” in the traditional Chinese version can be regarded as modifying a noun, like “the weight of an iPad Air 2”. Nevertheless, the adjective “輕輕的” in the traditional Chinese version doesn’t modify the verb “改變”. Neither “轻轻地” nor “輕輕的” can modify both “改变” and “重量” at the same time.

Unfortunately, a lot of people including many translators are unable to differentiate between “地” and “的”, and unable to use them properly.


 
jyuan_us
jyuan_us  Identity Verified
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哈哈 Oct 24, 2014

wherestip wrote:

轻盈美观今又是,变在其中


[Edited at 2014-10-23 17:10 GMT]


You contributed a best ever version.


 
Yan Yuliang
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我来挑个刺 Oct 24, 2014

Kenneth Woo wrote:

David:

原文與譯文在廣告翻譯中是絕難做到完全對等的,與其執著於根本無法完全傳達出的「關」,不如把原文核心譯出。

原文的核心由兩部分組成,一是變化大,更輕了,更薄了,畫面更清晰了,無線連接速度更快了等等,二是這麼多的變化馬上就會呈現世人眼前。不管此設備蘋果改動如何多,不管變化是內是外,都可以完全濃縮在「蛻變」二字中。「蛻變」指由第一款經過大範圍改良,變身為第二款,含義積極明確,且內寓比喻。「在即」則指馬上就要發生,呈現,讓人滿懷期待。

總體來看,「蛻變在即」不僅抓住了英文標語之主旨,也與原文一樣簡潔,琅琅上口,結構也一致,唯一遺憾之處是未反映「air」一字的修辭手法。

Change      is in the air.
蛻變        在即。

Fargoer 說「XX 在即」聽起來像公文,我個人沒這種感覺。「在即」一詞鮮見於公文,在新聞和文學作品裡倒常見。

大家莫誤會,我並無偏袒拙譯之意。如果同仁能實實在在指出「蛻變在即」的失當之處,我非常樂意聆教,不過「六關」漏譯除外哈。:)

[Edited at 2014-10-24 01:14 GMT]

[Edited at 2014-10-24 01:14 GMT]


抛开原文不说,“蜕变在即”真的不像广告语。首先,“蜕变”这个词语过于晦涩,广告语面向大众,理应用简单的词语传达不简单的意思,令人遐想。此外,“在即”说明改变尚未发生,而实际上,当产品推出的时候,这种改变就已经发生了。原文用"in the air"可以,是因为“在即”的意思和其他几个意思相互交叠,反倒创造出了一种意境。而单独把“在即”拎出来,则失去了那种意境,而且意思也变了味道。

改变并非“在即”,而是“悄然发生”。

以上仅为个人感觉。实际上广告语好坏,还是要看市场评论。真正的那些“神翻译”,不等到我们发现,那些IT数码编辑就已经吐槽了。他们做这个行业的,远比我们要敏感的多。


 
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