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Confronting with major choices in life
Thread poster: Cristina Mazzucchelli

Cristina Mazzucchelli  Identity Verified
Italy
Local time: 02:58
English to Italian
+ ...
Jul 1, 2005

Dear everybody,
I'm posting this thread as a way of unburdening myself a little and also because I'd need a big piece of advice...

I'm (almost) 25 years old and after having traveled extensively and having lived here and there in the past few years, two years ago I decided it was time for me to settle in my country of origin, Italy.

Now, (unfortunately?) I started to feel like here I don't have enough room for my personal development (both academically and careerwise) and that I'm getting sick of staying here. So a couple of months ago I decided to go to the UK, go back to university and try to start a freelancing career.

Meanwhile I have received the best job offer that an "almost-25-year-old-girl" can ever expect to get...except it is in Italy!

So, what should I do according to you? Follow my heart and just go "away", not knowing what life "away" is gonna be like or staying here, being reasonable and thinking about my future here (even if this could mean that everytime I'll get out of the office I'll probably feel sad)...? What would you do if you were me?

The thing that I fear the most is that I'm sure I'll have regrets, whichever is the choice I make...

Thanks a lot for your shoulder!

Cristina


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Raffaella Cornacchini  Identity Verified
Local time: 02:58
English to Italian
+ ...
Prioritize Jul 1, 2005

I'm afraid that being older, though maybe not wiser, I'm much more rooted than you in my homeland.
Now, if I were you, I would prioritize and I would ask myself: What is really important for me now? Money? A challenging job? Love and relations? Personal development? Further education? None of the above?
I think you have accomplished a lot for your age. Don't be afraid to miss a chance. A second one, and maybe a better one, may follow. And you can't have it all, anyway.

raffa1

Now, (unfortunately?) I started to feel like here I don't have enough room for my personal development (both academically and careerwise) and that I'm getting sick of staying here. So a couple of months ago I decided to go to the UK, go back to university and try to start a freelancing career.

Meanwhile I have received the best job offer that an "almost-25-year-old-girl" can ever expect to get...except it is in Italy!

So, what should I do according to you? Follow my heart and just go "away", not knowing what life "away" is gonna be like or staying here, being reasonable and thinking about my future here (even if this could mean that everytime I'll get out of the office I'll probably feel sad)...? What would you do if you were me?

The thing that I fear the most is that I'm sure I'll have regrets, whichever is the choice I make...

Thanks a lot for your shoulder!

Cristina[/quote]


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Rosa Maria Duenas Rios  Identity Verified
Local time: 20:58
About regrets... Jul 1, 2005

I personally prefer to have regrets for things I have done, than for things I did not do... We all make mistakes; it is the only way to learn. If I were you, I would go back to Italy; if it does not work, I don't think there will be anything to keep you there, and you can continue with your original plans at a later date; but who knows, maybe your plans will just get better after you go back to Italy! Good luck with your decision!

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Jalapeno
Local time: 02:58
English to German
Follow your heart... Jul 1, 2005

I say follow your heart. You're still young enough to be able to do that.

Even if the job offer you got is the "best that an almost-25-year-old-girl" can expect to get, I don't think you should take it.

You know the job wouldn't make you happy. Having to go to a job you hate every day certainly isn't very enjoyable. At best, you just keep going and keep your unhappiness bottled up inside. At worst, you start slacking, stop doing your job properly and let your unhappiness boil outwards. You would probably either quit or be fired and start back at square one.

If you want to go away, now is the time to do it. You probably don't have too many obligations in Italy (husband, children, house), so you're free to go wherever you want to go. In ten years' time, that will probably have changed.

Of course you will have regrets either way, no matter what you finally decide. But from what you told us, I'm pretty sure you would regret taking that job more than you would regret going abroad...

All the best


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xxxTadzio
English to Spanish
Your life will change from now on... Jul 1, 2005

That Job (with capital J) will change your life, no matter it is in Italy where you haven't felt so well. The reason was you didn't feel useful, but from the moment you'll accept the job, you'll begin to feel FREE, INDEPENDENT, RECOGNIZED and, in particular, USEFUL. That's what you were previously lacking of in your own country.
Go back and be successful, BE YOU! Show who you really are.
Best wishes,
Tadzio.


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Giorgio Testa
Local time: 02:58
English to Italian
+ ...
Here's my shoulder! Jul 1, 2005

Dear Cristina,

It's always very difficult to counsel in a sensible way, and I'm not used to do that, but anyway I want to give you a reply, because I feel you deserve it and also considering that, in your shoes, I would be happy to have a reply to my SOS messages.
(By the way, I'm answering in english, even if I'm italian as you are, just to respect the forum and give everybody the chance to follow the conversation between us).

Well, as far as I can understand:
1) You are bored to stay in Italy and eager to start a new (hopefully bright) career abroad
2) presently you have a quite satisfactory translation job here at home.

I would put in practice these general principles:
a) Never give up and keep planning seriously in view of what your aspirations are

b) Don't be too much in a hurry: do now what you can do now and perform the job you've got, thinking and planning carefully the future steps.

c) lastly, once you've decided and you're inspired to do what you choose, go ahead and never look back; but only ahead.
As you certainly know, ther's no use crying over spilt milk.

I'm happy only if, with this small message, I can help you just a very little.
Be sensible, but never give up and enjoy your 25 years.

I embrace you
Giorgio


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Sarah Steiner  Identity Verified
Local time: 02:58
Spanish to German
+ ...
life is full of major choices Jul 1, 2005

Hi,

I think I know what you are speeking about, as I decided to move back to my home country only a few months ago. And, as it was to be expected, and after having been away for 5 years, I soon had to recognise that things/people have changed here (life goes on while we are away), and that, in the end, I have changed too, and that therefore readaptation is not as easy as I expected.
My case is just the opposite to yours though. I worked these years abroad as inhouse translator and PM in Spain (really good jobs as far as career is concerned, I suppose). Back to Austria (or even in Spain) I decided to start working as freelance again (which, by the way, also needs a good piece of perseverance).

I cannot give you a real advise, but as far as work is concerned, just make sure if you really want to work as freelance (with its pros AND cons). Or, on the other hand, join the office life/career (with its pros AND cons).

As far as life is concerned, I guess nobody can make the decision except you all by your one. I am a really impatient person, probably you are too...?

I have a method for decision-making that may help you too: make a list of the prso and cons regarding your alternatives. Also try to imagine it the other way round (this works out really fine to me): Would you like to work in a company in GB? Or as a freelance? Also, think about your relation to Italy/UK (with its pros and cons again). The fact is the you returned to Italy. Why? Why Great Britain and not Australia or somewhere else?

Hm, I hope you take a good decision and wish you: IN BOCCA AL LUPO!. Keep us tracked!
Sarah


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Elvira Stoianov  Identity Verified
Luxembourg
Local time: 02:58
German to Romanian
+ ...
Choose what you like more Jul 1, 2005

In life, it is important to choose what you like (especially when it comes to a job, as this might be what you will be doing most of your life). So if the job is that good, go on and take it. I also agree that it's better to regret something you did, then something you didn't and wonder all your life how it would have turned out.

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Seadeta Osmani  Identity Verified
Croatia
Local time: 02:58
English to Croatian
+ ...
Something different, yet similar Jul 1, 2005

A friend of mine grew so much fond of his dislike for a certain country, which he visited a couple of times, that slowly he started identifying himself with that dislike. In the most confusing moment of his life he received the most appealing job offer from a well known company to work as their manager—in the very country he disliked so much! The money was good and so he accepted. Assuming that he might be down because of the situation, I met with him, preparing the whole 'you-will-always-have-your-friends' speech and trying to paint nice pictures of life for him. But before I could open my mouth, he sadly looked at me and said: 'You know what my greatest fear is? That I might eventually like it there! And then what?' I was surprised to see that he was not afraid of the negative sides he saw in the country in question, but of loosing the reason for dislike, which would feel like loosing a part of his identity.

What I'm trying to says is—
* if you leave your country and refuse the offer, do it for the 'right reasons', i.e. because you love to be somewhere else [running to], not because you do not want to be there where you are now [running from].
* if you accept the offer, this might be a second chance to see if you can actually make a nice and smooth living in your country doing the job you like. And this job might give you the chance to save money and travel around the world and share part of your income with worldwide friends.
* if you accept the offer and you don't like it, you can always quit, leave and try somewhere else without any regrets.

We have all been in more or less similar situations where we've had to choose, number of responses to your posting testify that we can pretty much relate to your problem. The solution, however, is individual, based on our own wishes, fears, dreams...and the sense of freedom. Try to face your reasons, then you will know what to do.

Good luck!!

Seadeta


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Momoka  Identity Verified
Local time: 10:58
Japanese to Spanish
+ ...
Listen to your heart Jul 1, 2005

I agree with Jalapeno; follow your heart. It will tell you when (and where) to stop.

[Edited at 2005-07-02 06:05]


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Beth Dennison  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 01:58
Chinese to English
+ ...
Follow your heart Jul 1, 2005

I have been in your kind of position before, and the best advice I can give is to follow your heart.

Before I got married, had a child and felt that I ought to always follow the 'sensible' option, I just did what felt right at the time (as long as it paid the bills!) I certainly have no regrets.

I think that at your age you can follow your heart and see what happens. If things do not work out as well as you wish, you can always try something else.

Whatever decision you make, do not wonder what your life would have been like had you taken the other option. Look forward, not back, and enjoy what life brings.

Beth


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Paola Dentifrigi  Identity Verified
Italy
Local time: 02:58
Member (2003)
English to Italian
+ ...
what's the hurry? Jul 1, 2005

Hi, Cristina.

I am 33 (although I look muuuuch younger, I know I know) and haven't decided yet where I am going to live. Everytime I moved to another town or country I thought it was the definitive stop, but it wasn't and still don't know...
If I were you, I would try this job and put off the UK adventure to next year. Come on, you're so young, just take your time.

Good luck
Paola


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Cristina Mazzucchelli  Identity Verified
Italy
Local time: 02:58
English to Italian
+ ...
TOPIC STARTER
The problem is... Jul 1, 2005

Thank you very, very much for all your answers, both here on the forum and by e-mail!

I take the chance of anwering Paola, since she says I still have time to decide and maybe I can postpone the "adventure" to the UK...unfortunately it's not that easy, I'm afraid. I forgot to mention that the job opportunity that I got is to own "my own company". Therefore I should invest a lot of money. And I AM in a rush. I must take this decision, quickly. But maybe this same decision is bigger than I am.

Thanks again for your support!

Cristina


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xxxsarahl
Local time: 17:58
English to French
+ ...
Reentry shock Jul 1, 2005

is probably what you're going through in Italy. A number of people find it very difficult to "go home" and adjust after years of living abroad. A small percentage just cannot and they end up going back to what has become their home country.
Which are you? Time will tell, usually.

FWIW

Sarah


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Rosa Maria Duenas Rios  Identity Verified
Local time: 20:58
I cannot help but wonder... Jul 1, 2005

Cristina Mazzucchelli wrote:
I forgot to mention that the job opportunity that I got is to own "my own company". Therefore I should invest a lot of money.
Cristina


Hello again Cristina,

This sentence of you lit red lights in my head. I thought you were talking about a more traditional "job offer". I have probably seen too many scams, and am a bit skeptical by now. Are you sure that what you are being offered is really a sound thing? Do you know if this is a reputable franchise or business?

I mean, if you are going to own your own company and invest a lot of money in it, you can do that anywhere, anytime, and no one has to offer that to you. You can do it on your own initiative. Maybe what has got you doubting in the first place is something that does not "feel" right about this offer... and then again, maybe I am completely off target; but let's see what other colleagues think... once again, good luck with your decision!


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