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Thread poster: Yuting Xiao

Yuting Xiao  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 15:26
English to Chinese
+ ...
Oct 12, 2009

各位,下面是我做的一个翻译作业,需要peer review,请各位就相关问题提出您的宝贵意见,先谢过。

Source text:
The leader of the Green Party Caroline Lucas opened its annual conference today with a rousing speech to the party faithful.
She also lambasted the Labour government for its failure to address the problems of climate change with serious action and measures.
With unusually powerful rhetoric, she accused the government of a "political crime", presiding over a policy of inaction that failed to deal with climate change.
She later went on to describe the Green's vision for the future as "politics with passion".
Her sharp critique of mainstream parties focused on their ambitions to introduce practical energy-saving measures for householders while simultaneously avoiding the big climate-impacting issues, such as airport expansion and the go-ahead for a new generation of coal powered stations.
However, this riposte is unfair and counter-productive. Lucas fails to acknowledge the difficulties that the government has to go through in securing international treaties and agreements on tackling climate change.
Considerable progress in the last few years has been made in developing international consensus on the need to agree global emissions targets and reductions.
For any deal to succeed, it requires a strong foundation of agreement. The government, to its credit, have been working tirelessly on this.
By not acknowledging this effort, Lucas demonstrates her dogmatic approach to the issue.
Additionally, the introduction of energy efficient light-bulbs across Britain and home insulation should not be undervalued.
It will be through changing the habits and attitudes of the general public, that Britain will be able to successfully lead an international green revolution.
Many in the mainstream parties hit back at Green campaigners as espousing "politics of impotence".
Even after today's passionate opening speech, Lucas will have done little to quash that widely held belief.

Target text:
绿党领导人卡罗琳•卢卡斯今天召开了绿党的年度会议,以一番激动人心的演讲表达了对党的忠诚。

她还抨击了工党政府未能采取有效的行动和措施来解决气候变化的问题。

她用非一般的强硬言辞,指责政府犯下“政治罪”,实施无用政策来对抗气候变化的问题。

接着,她把绿党对将来的绿色愿景比喻为“政治热情”。

她以尖锐的口吻主要批评了主流政党对住户引入节能措施的野心,并同时避开讨论如机场扩建和通过新一代煤炭发电站提议等对气候产生极大影响的问题。

然而,她的这个出击是不公平的,反而造成了反效果。在政府竭力保障气候变化的国际条约和协定实施方面所遇到的困难,卢卡斯并没有表示认可。

有关全球废气排放量的目标和削减方面的国际共识在过去几年已取得了巨大发展。

任何协议要取得成功必须具备一个坚实的基础。值得称道的是,政府一直坚持在这方面努力。

卢卡斯没有认可政府在这方面所作的努力,也正显示出她对这一问题的教条式做法。

此外,在整个英国引入使用节能灯泡和家庭绝热的效果不应低估。

通过改变一般民众的习惯和态度,英国才能成功率领这场国际性绿色革命。

主流党派中很多人都反击绿党所拥护的环保活动实为一种“政治无能”。

尽管卢卡斯的开幕演讲陈词激昂,当仍难以动摇民众已普遍接受的信念。


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clearwater
China
Local time: 22:26
English to Chinese
错误之二 Oct 12, 2009

The leader of the Green Party Caroline Lucas opened its annual conference today with a rousing speech to the party faithful.
绿党领导人卡罗琳•卢卡斯今天召开了绿党的年度会议,以一番激动人心的演讲表达了对党的忠诚。
改译:
绿党领导人卡罗琳•卢卡斯今天召开了绿党的年度会议,向一群忠实党徒发表了一番慷慨激昂的演讲。
理由:faithful可作名词解释,前面常加the,表示一群人。即忠实的信徒。

另外,
With unusually powerful rhetoric, she accused the government of a "political crime", presiding over a policy of inaction that failed to deal with climate change.
a policy of inaction 不是“无用政策”,而是“不作为的政策”,该政策没有积极应对气候变化( failed to deal with climate change)。

[Edited at 2009-10-12 02:54 GMT]

[Edited at 2009-10-12 02:54 GMT]

[Edited at 2009-10-12 03:02 GMT]


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wherestip  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 09:26
Chinese to English
+ ...
头一句 Oct 12, 2009

大概看了一下. 翻得不错. 但我觉得一些句子稍加调整一下可以更加突出文章原意.

第一句 opened its annual conference today with a rousing speech to the party faithful 是指她致了年度会议的开幕词, 不是"今天召开了绿党的年度会议". 而且 party faithful 翻得不准确.



http://dictionary.cambridge.org/define.asp?key=57815&dict=CALD

party faithful
plural noun
n
people who have been loyal members or supporters of a party for a long time



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xxxwonita
China
Local time: 11:26
浅见 Oct 12, 2009

Rachel Xiao wrote:

With unusually powerful rhetoric, she accused the government of a "political crime", presiding over a policy of inaction that failed to deal with climate change.

Target text:
她用非一般的强硬言辞,指责政府犯下“政治罪”,实施无用政策来对抗气候变化的问题。


这句译得太直,不符合中文的习惯。试译:

她用极为强硬的言辞,谴责政府犯下“政治罪”,不采取任何措施来解决气候变化的问题。

当然你的译文更忠实原文。


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Yuting Xiao  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 15:26
English to Chinese
+ ...
TOPIC STARTER
感谢各位的高见,都有很道理 Oct 12, 2009

点出一些我自己看不到的问题。

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xxxwonita
China
Local time: 11:26
a policy of inaction Oct 12, 2009

clearwater wrote:
另外,
With unusually powerful rhetoric, she accused the government of a "political crime", presiding over a policy of inaction that failed to deal with climate change.
a policy of inaction 不是“无用政策”,而是“不作为的政策”,该政策没有积极应对气候变化( failed to deal with climate change)。


视若罔闻,不采取任何措施?

[Edited at 2009-10-12 09:28 GMT]


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James_xia  Identity Verified
China
Member
English to Chinese
+ ...
理解很好的,表达稍嫌硬点 Nov 19, 2009

Considerable progress in the last few years has been made in developing international consensus on the need to agree global emissions targets and reductions.

“有关全球废气排放量的目标和削减方面的国际共识在过去几年已取得了巨大发展。”

能否试着转换一下节奏:

“过去几年里,在寻求国际社会对全球排放目标达成一致和削减排放量方面已取得显著进展。”


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clearwater
China
Local time: 22:26
English to Chinese
理清语法结构 Nov 19, 2009

James_xia wrote:

Considerable progress in the last few years has been made in developing international consensus on the need to agree global emissions targets and reductions.

“有关全球废气排放量的目标和削减方面的国际共识在过去几年已取得了巨大发展。”

能否试着转换一下节奏:

“过去几年里,在寻求国际社会对全球排放目标达成一致和削减排放量方面已取得显著进展。”


是就 the need to agree global emissions targets and reductions达成international consensus 。

而James的译文却让人觉得:reductions脱离于the need to agree,自成一体、与 international consensus 并列。

[Edited at 2009-11-19 21:21 GMT]


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Henry Zhang  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 15:26
Member (2008)
English to Chinese
+ ...
原文中是'an' Dec 7, 2009

It will be through changing the habits and attitudes of the general public, that Britain will be able to successfully lead an international green revolution.

(只有)通过改变一般民众的习惯和态度,英国方能成功领导一场国际性的绿色革命。

我觉得“一场”应该好过“这场”

楼主翻译的很好。


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Henry Zhang  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 15:26
Member (2008)
English to Chinese
+ ...
同意。 Dec 7, 2009

Bin Tiede wrote:

Rachel Xiao wrote:

With unusually powerful rhetoric, she accused the government of a "political crime", presiding over a policy of inaction that failed to deal with climate change.

Target text:
她用非一般的强硬言辞,指责政府犯下“政治罪”,实施无用政策来对抗气候变化的问题。


这句译得太直,不符合中文的习惯。试译:

她用极为强硬的言辞,谴责政府犯下“政治罪”,不采取任何措施来解决气候变化的问题。

当然你的译文更忠实原文。


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Henry Zhang  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 15:26
Member (2008)
English to Chinese
+ ...
此句若是直译,会很生硬。 Dec 7, 2009

James_xia wrote:

Considerable progress in the last few years has been made in developing international consensus on the need to agree global emissions targets and reductions.

“有关全球废气排放量的目标和削减方面的国际共识在过去几年已取得了巨大发展。”

能否试着转换一下节奏:

“过去几年里,在寻求国际社会对全球排放目标达成一致和削减排放量方面已取得显著进展。”




在过去几年内,国际社会对达成全球(温室气体)排放目标和削减排放量已经取得相当大的共识。

[Edited at 2009-12-07 16:36 GMT]


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nigerose  Identity Verified
China
Local time: 22:26
Chinese to English
+ ...
不能漏译 Dec 11, 2009

Henry Zhang wrote:

James_xia wrote:

Considerable progress in the last few years has been made in developing international consensus on the need to agree global emissions targets and reductions.

“有关全球废气排放量的目标和削减方面的国际共识在过去几年已取得了巨大发展。”

能否试着转换一下节奏:

“过去几年里,在寻求国际社会对全球排放目标达成一致和削减排放量方面已取得显著进展。”




在过去几年内,国际社会对达成全球(温室气体)排放目标和削减排放量已经取得相当大的共识。

[Edited at 2009-12-07 16:36 GMT]



need (必要性)和agree (约定) 不能漏掉,否则曲解原意。达成的"consensus”是在“need”上。to agree不定式短语是need的后置定语。

“在国际间就约定全球排放目标和减排量的必要性达成共识方面,过去几年里已经取得了相当的进展。”

将原句子改成以下顺序, 会发现它在结构上与我的译文很相似:

In developing international consensus on the need to agree global emissions targets and reductions,considerable progress in the last few years has been made.


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Zhoudan  Identity Verified
Local time: 22:26
Member (2007)
English to Chinese
+ ...
你可能经常做Back translation Dec 11, 2009

开个玩笑。

另外,“过去几年里”和“过去几年内”的“里”、“内”都多余。“过去几年”就行了。我自己就写“几年来已经取得了...”连“过去”也不要了。

nigerose wrote:


need (必要性)和agree (约定) 不能漏掉,否则曲解原意。达成的"consensus”是在“need”上。to agree不定式短语是need的后置定语。

“在国际间就约定全球排放目标和减排量的必要性达成共识方面,过去几年里已经取得了相当的进展。”

将原句子改成以下顺序, 会发现它在结构上与我的译文很相似:

In developing international consensus on the need to agree global emissions targets and reductions,considerable progress in the last few years has been made.


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nigerose  Identity Verified
China
Local time: 22:26
Chinese to English
+ ...
back translation Dec 11, 2009

Zhoudan wrote:


开个玩笑。

另外,“过去几年里”和“过去几年内”的“里”、“”都多余。“过去几年”就行了。我自己就写“几年来已经取得了...”连“过去”也不要了。



我从来没有做back translation。不过倒是喜欢进行google搜索。

搜索 "过去几年内" 获得约 323,000 条结果
搜索 "过去几年里" 获得约 1,980,000 条结果


[修改时间: 2009-12-11 06:06 GMT]


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Zhoudan  Identity Verified
Local time: 22:26
Member (2007)
English to Chinese
+ ...
俺也搜索一下 Dec 11, 2009

搜索 "几年来" 获得约 12,100,000 条结果


nigerose wrote:

Zhoudan wrote:


开个玩笑。

另外,“过去几年里”和“过去几年内”的“里”、“”都多余。“过去几年”就行了。我自己就写“几年来已经取得了...”连“过去”也不要了。



我从来没有做back translation。不过倒是喜欢进行google搜索。

搜索 "过去几年内" 获得约 323,000 条结果
搜索 "过去几年里" 获得约 1,980,000 条结果


[修改时间: 2009-12-11 06:06 GMT]


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