Off topic: American Humor in Telephone Answering Machine (缇庡浗浜虹數璇濈暀瑷绮鹃 )
Thread poster: Kevin Yang

Kevin Yang  Identity Verified
Local time: 02:57
Member (2003)
English to Chinese
+ ...
Nov 10, 2005

Hello, Friends

Telephone Answering Machine is very popular in America. When you call home, office or cell phone, your call always can be picked up by an answering machine if your call is not answered by the person within certain rings. You will be prompted by a pre-recorded message, and then you can leave a voice message.

The pre-recorded message can be boring, and it also can be humorous. I do not know how popular Telephone Answering Machine is in China or other Chinese speaking world. But I hope the following messages will give you some ideas about how the Americans are doing it. Please share with me if you have some brilliant examples you collected in the languages that we can understand.

1) My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

2) Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

3) Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

4) Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

5) Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.

6) Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

7) Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

8) This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought- recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.

9) Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

10) If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message.

11) You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.

12) Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

13) Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right ... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you.

14) This is you know who. After the beep, you know what to do.

15) Thank you for calling. If you are selling light bulbs, please call back next year. We are still using those you sold us last year.


[Edited at 2005-11-10 01:52]


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Angus Woo
Local time: 17:57
Chinese to English
+ ...
It's so amazing. Nov 10, 2005

Kevin Yang wrote:

Hello, Friends

Telephone Answering Machine is very popular in America. When you call home, office or cell phone, your call always can be picked up by an answering machine if your call is not answered by the person within certain rings. You will be prompted by a pre-recorded message, and then you can leave a voice message.

The pre-recorded message can be boring, and it also can be humorous. I do not know how popular Telephone Answering Machine is in China or other Chinese speaking world. But I hope the following messages will give you some ideas about how the Americans are doing it. Please share with me if you have some brilliant examples you collected in the languages that we can understand.

1) My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

2) Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

3) Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

4) Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

5) Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.

6) Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

7) Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

8) This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought- recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.

9) Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

10) If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message.

11) You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.

12) Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

13) Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right ... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you.

14) This is you know who. After the beep, you know what to do.

15) Thank you for calling. If you are selling light bulbs, please call back next year. We are still using those you sold us last year.


[Edited at 2005-11-10 01:52]

Sometime you just can't stop being astonished by the fact that people can be so innovative, creative, funny and witty.


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David Shen  Identity Verified
Local time: 02:57
English to Chinese
+ ...
Answering Machine Nov 10, 2005

------

"Hi there, you've reached Frank, the plumber. Please leave your name and number and state briefly what kind of problem you are having and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. For problems not related to your kitchen sink or bathroom, don't call me. I did not vote for Bush!"


[Edited at 2005-11-10 16:05]


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American Humor in Telephone Answering Machine (缇庡浗浜虹數璇濈暀瑷绮鹃 )

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