Off topic: 这年头……(网摘)
Thread poster: Libin PhD
Libin PhD  Identity Verified
Chinese to English
+ ...
Jul 4, 2006

这年头,教授摇唇鼓舌,四处赚钱,越来越像商人;商人现身讲坛,著书立说,越来越像教授。医生见死不救,草菅人命,越来越像杀手;杀手出手麻利,不留后患,越来越像医生。明星卖弄风骚,给钱就上,越来越像妓女;妓女楚楚动人,明码标价,越来越像明星。警察横行霸道,欺软怕硬,越来越像地痞;地痞各霸一方,敢做敢当,越来越像警察。流言有根有据,基本属实,越来越像新闻;新闻捕风捉影,随意夸大,越来越像流言。

这年头,大棚把季节搞乱,小姐把辈份搞乱,关系把程序搞乱,级别把能力搞乱,公安把秩序搞乱,金钱把官场搞乱,手机把家庭搞乱!

这年头,女人漂亮的不下厨房,下厨房的不温柔,温柔的没主见,有主见的没女人味,有女人味的乱花钱,不乱花钱的不时尚,时尚的不放心,放心的没法看!

这年头,老婆像小灵通经济实惠但限本地使用,二奶像中国电信安全固定但带不出门,小蜜像中国移动使用方便但话费太贵。情人像中国联通优雅新潮但常不在服务区!

这年头,干部是这样死的:天天开会坐死,领导高调哄死,民主评论整死,事事汇报烦死,择优提拔骗死,混蛋同僚害死,上级检查累死,工资差别气死,老婆年轻累死!

这年头,军委领导说解放军的工资如果翻四倍可以打美国,翻三倍可以打日本,翻两倍可以打台湾,翻一倍可以回家打老婆,目前的工资回家只能被老婆打!

这年头,完美的人生就是住英国的房子,戴瑞士手表,拿美国工资,娶韩国女人,嫖俄罗斯女人,开德国轿车,喝法国红酒,雇菲律宾女佣,做*的官!

这年头,苦干实干,做给天看;东混西混,一帆风顺;任劳任怨,永难如愿;会捧会献,杰出贡献;尽职尽责,必遭指责;推托栽赃,邀功领赏!

这年头,男人的小康就是有一所像样的小房,有一辆时尚的小车,有一笔吃喝的小钞,有一位顾家的小太,有一门管用的小“炮”,有一群擦炮的小蜜!

这年头,为官之道就是为领导干一百件好事也不如与领导一起干一件坏事,领导带你一起干了一件坏事那肯定有一百件好事等着你!

这年头,海关数学等式为:专家+实干=白忙;立正+稍息=管理;唱歌+跳舞=业务;听话+擦鞋=能力;大话+做秀=成绩;年龄+糊涂=可靠;军龄+关龄=任用。这年头,海关实现了十化:关长贵族化,关员奴隶化,考核经常化,上班日夜化,加班无偿化,挨训习惯化,晋升内定化,检查形式化,待遇渲染化,加薪?他丫的神话!

这年头,教育好子女是生命延续的重要代表,理顺好领导安排好部下是权力重要代表,办好朋友的事是人生价值的重要代表!

这年头,请看新纤夫的爱:党委坐船头,政府在岸上走,人大一步一回头,政协晃悠悠,工会泪往心里流,团委只盼日落西山头,好把妇联亲个够!

这年头,党政干部十大特征:一请就到,一喝就高,一捧就傲,一求就敲,一给就捞,一累就叫,一批就跳,一查就倒!

这年头,人有钱有时间有个好身体,绝品;人有钱无病无时间,珍品;人无钱无病有时间,上品;人无钱无病无时间,次品;人无钱无时间有脾气,废品!

这年头,干部素质要求你:心中有小平,袋中有文凭,对上能摆平,对下能铲平,道德没水平,金库能填平,左手拿酒瓶,右手握药瓶,家里有醋瓶,外面有花瓶!

这年头,构建和谐社会要注意在自然界不要和天斗,在国际社会不要和美国斗,在路上不要和军车斗,在单位不要和领导斗,在家里不要和老婆斗!

这年头,开展批评太难了:批评老婆她就乱跑,批评老公他就乱搞!批评上级就官位难保,批评同级就关系难搞,批评自己就自寻烦恼,批评下级就选票减少!

这年头,三个代表在基层:如果你受贿代表你还在位,如果你嫖娼代表你还健康,如果你养小代表家中红旗还没倒!

这年头,喝酒像喝汤,此人是工商;喝酒不用劝,工作在法院;举杯一口干,必定是公安;八两都不醉,这人是国税;起步就一斤,准是解放军!

这年头,到处都是错别字:植树造零,白收起家,勤捞致富,选霸干部,任人为闲,择油录取,得财兼币,检查宴收,大力支吃,为民储害,提钱释放,攻官小姐。

这年头,结婚叫入网,重婚叫一卡双号,婚外恋叫呼叫转移,情人多叫移动梦网,离婚叫销号,分居叫停机留号,女人再婚叫过户。男人再婚叫补卡,互换叫联通。


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David Shen  Identity Verified
Local time: 04:13
English to Chinese
+ ...
My Goodness! Jul 4, 2006

Libin PhD wrote:
...这年头...


Literature of our times, an outline for a novel that may be called "A Tale of Many Cities!"


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David Shen  Identity Verified
Local time: 04:13
English to Chinese
+ ...
与元曲有同工之妙 Jul 4, 2006

上边散文不知何时可搬上舞台,元人散曲中有此句,使人颇有同感:


“朝三暮四,昨非今是,痴儿不解荣枯事。

儧家私,宠花枝,黄金壮起荒淫志。

千百锭买张招状纸。

身,已至此; 心,犹未死”。


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wherestip  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 06:13
Chinese to English
+ ...
不是不爱国 Jul 4, 2006

Dr. Li, thanks for keeping us informed.

It may be only a joke, but I would definitely think twice about the idea of 叶落归根

IMHO, happiness outweighs any potential benefits economically.


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Kevin Yang  Identity Verified
Local time: 04:13
Member (2003)
English to Chinese
+ ...
Very thought provoking! Jul 4, 2006

Hi, Bin and all

Very witty summary and thought provoking description! This author has a sharp observation of the Chinese society and is brilliant in mastering the art of the Chinese language. I would love to meet him/her in person.

Here are my favorite quotes:

Libin PhD wrote:

这年头,教授摇唇鼓舌,四处赚钱,越来越像商人;商人现身讲坛,著书立说,越来越像教授。医生见死不救,草菅人命,越来越像杀手;杀手出手麻利,不留后患,越来越像医生。明星卖弄风骚,给钱就上,越来越像妓女;妓女楚楚动人,明码标价,越来越像明星。警察横行霸道,欺软怕硬,越来越像地痞;地痞各霸一方,敢做敢当,越来越像警察。流言有根有据,基本属实,越来越像新闻;新闻捕风捉影,随意夸大,越来越像流言。



Five years ago, when I visited Beijing and stayed in Wangfujing Grand Hotel, I saw 4-5 beautiful young ladies standing in front of the gate (less than 5 yards) and kept asking me "Massage?" in English and in Japanese. I smiled and fled.



Libin PhD wrote:
这年头,完美的人生就是住英国的房子,戴瑞士手表,拿美国工资,娶韩国女人,嫖俄罗斯女人,开德国轿车,喝法国红酒,雇菲律宾女佣,做*的官!


Ooops. Missed a word in "做*的官!"
In America, people believe that wearing Italian-made clothes is a desirable life.

Libin PhD wrote:
这年头,人有钱有时间有个好身体,绝品;人有钱无病无时间,珍品;人无钱无病有时间,上品;人无钱无病无时间,次品;人无钱无时间有脾气,废品!

这年头,喝酒像喝汤,此人是工商;喝酒不用劝,工作在法院;举杯一口干,必定是公安;八两都不醉,这人是国税;起步就一斤,准是解放军!

这年头,结婚叫入网,重婚叫一卡双号,婚外恋叫呼叫转移,情人多叫移动梦网,离婚叫销号,分居叫停机留号,女人再婚叫过户。男人再婚叫补卡,互换叫联通。


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Libin PhD  Identity Verified
Chinese to English
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TOPIC STARTER
Here are the missing words :) Jul 4, 2006

Ooops. Missed a word in "做*的官!"
*代表共产党


Kevin Yang wrote:


Hi, Bin and all

Very witty summary and thought provoking description! This author has a sharp observation of the Chinese society and is brilliant in mastering the art of the Chinese language. I would love to meet him/her in person.

Here are my favorite quotes:


Ooops. Missed a word in "做*的官!"
In America, people believe that wearing Italian-made clothes is a desirable life.



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Haiyang Ai  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 06:13
English to Chinese
+ ...
有意思 Jul 5, 2006

有意思,笑死我了。虽然有些修辞手段,但是很多却符合实情,作者观察深刻,且表现的淋漓尽致。

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Last Hermit
Local time: 19:13
Chinese to English
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两手都要抓 Jul 6, 2006

mms://winmedia.cctv.com.cn/xinwenshequ/2006/07/xinwenshequ_300_20060703_4.wmv

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pkchan  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 07:13
Member (2006)
English to Chinese
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兩手與兩腳 Jul 6, 2006



講道德的人有兩手的已被抓起來,有兩腳的已跑到海外。
不講道德的人沒有兩手的誰也抓不起來,沒有兩腳的也無需跑到海外。http://www.rthk.org.hk/special/civiceducation2006/

[Edited at 2006-07-06 19:57]


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Wenjer Leuschel  Identity Verified
Taiwan
Local time: 19:13
English to Chinese
+ ...
給這年頭掛個號 Jul 8, 2006

Hmm..., 離婚叫銷號?

那藕斷絲連呢?

這年頭也蠻常見的呦。


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alice_gao
English to Chinese
真够入木三分 Jul 14, 2006

文章诙谐有趣,讽刺入木三分。看这篇文章后的表情是:笑、苦笑、无奈、悲哀、沉思、并想到周总理的“为中华之崛起”而努力,加油!

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wherestip  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 06:13
Chinese to English
+ ...
藕斷絲連 Jul 14, 2006

Wenjer Leuschel wrote:

Hmm..., 離婚叫銷號?

那藕斷絲連呢?

這年頭也蠻常見的呦。



Wenjer,

How about "pay as you go", à la Virgin Mobile.


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Wenjer Leuschel  Identity Verified
Taiwan
Local time: 19:13
English to Chinese
+ ...
No pay, no go! Jul 14, 2006

wherestip wrote:

How about "pay as you go", à la Virgin Mobile.


台灣在二戰後有美軍顧問團和美國駐軍,那些大兵們離鄉背井,消遣的去處就是台北中山北路和林森北路一帶的酒吧。

酒吧當時是很多故事發生的地方。有的吧女遇上了好大兵嫁到美國去,也有的遇人不淑,鬧出人命。

有些吧女反正信不過大兵,只賺他們的錢。有些美國鄉下來的大兵憨厚,月初領了薪水就去當火山孝子,到了月中就沒錢。但月中還是忍不住要去酒吧找心儀的對象,阮囊卻羞澀,喝酒不大方了。吧女於是頻頻轉台。

他在後頭叫喚 "Honey, honey...!"。
吧女煩了就回答:No money, no honey!

Well, after divorce, my ex got the house and car, my lawyer got the money and I got freedom. No pay, no go! Pay as you go!

(Just for fun. My case is totally different. Multisystem, somehow. No gain, no loss, no regret, no grudge, no remorse and no damage. I am quite satisfied with it.)


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