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请教:何为word-by-word translation?
Thread poster: Ellen Xu

Ellen Xu
United States
Local time: 18:42
English to Chinese
Oct 18, 2007

我最近给一家公司做一个fashion的项目,我用同样的风格,同样的精力做了两个file(都是同一家客户的项目),不知道怎么回事,第一次的feedback和第二次截然相反。第一次客户反映非常好,说是很喜欢那种风格,但是第二次的reviewer却给了negative 评价,说我太过直译。但是我用的是同一种风格啊,我不觉得自己是在do word-by-word translation.

搞得翻译公司现在还以为我是不是第二个file偷懒了,其实根本就没有。我郁闷得要死。做了这么多年翻译,第一次被人说成word-by-word的生硬翻译。觉得很难过。

大家帮我看看下面这几句话。

We produce our girls clothing using the same quality materials and attention to detail that has come to define our brand, creating classics that are designed to last for years to come.

选用优质面料,重视细节是我们品牌的特色所在。生产女童服装时,我们也秉承了同样理念,以打造出经久耐穿的经典款式。

Pick a color, any color: one for every day of the week.
任选一种颜色:一周七天,天天不同。


Perfect for a hip, too-cool-for-school look. 完美嬉皮风格,酷炫亮丽,卓尔不群。

这算是word-by-word translation 吗?


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jyuan_us  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 19:42
Member (2005)
English to Chinese
+ ...
譯文或可商榷 Oct 18, 2007

Ellen Xu wrote:

creating classics that are designed to last for years to come.

以打造出经久耐穿的经典款式。



這句話似乎是誤譯。


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Ellen Xu
United States
Local time: 18:42
English to Chinese
TOPIC STARTER
谢谢 Oct 18, 2007

这个我当时也觉得翻译得不是很准确。我觉得是指款式很久都不会过时的意思。但当时找不到特别合适的词来表达。你能不能给我点建议?

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isahuang
Local time: 19:42
English to Chinese
+ ...
agree with jyuan Oct 18, 2007

jyuan_us wrote:

Ellen Xu wrote:

creating classics that are designed to last for years to come.

以打造出经久耐穿的经典款式。



這句話似乎是誤譯。


中文是写得不错,但好像有点太过发挥,与原文意思有差距。
可以跟客户沟通一下,问清楚他到底是哪不满意?


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Ellen Xu
United States
Local time: 18:42
English to Chinese
TOPIC STARTER
他们就是嫌我发挥得还不够 Oct 18, 2007

reviewer的意见是太过word-by-word。如果他说我是发挥得多了点,我还觉得好接受。:(

因为知道这是marketing的东西,所以尽量把文字弄得"花哨"一点。我还担心是不是有点过头,结果对方的意见是说译文"going word by word"。郁闷,再发挥就不是翻译了。


Tingting Huang wrote:

jyuan_us wrote:

Ellen Xu wrote:

creating classics that are designed to last for years to come.

以打造出经久耐穿的经典款式。



這句話似乎是誤譯。


中文是写得不错,但好像有点太过发挥,与原文意思有差距。
可以跟客户沟通一下,问清楚他到底是哪不满意?


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isahuang
Local time: 19:42
English to Chinese
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你可以问一下客户,到底哪里是word for word translation? Oct 18, 2007

Ellen Xu wrote:

reviewer的意见是太过word-by-word。如果他说我是发挥得多了点,我还觉得好接受。:(

因为知道这是marketing的东西,所以尽量把文字弄得"花哨"一点。我还担心是不是有点过头,结果对方的意见是说译文"going word by word"。郁闷,再发挥就不是翻译了。


Tingting Huang wrote:

jyuan_us wrote:

Ellen Xu wrote:

creating classics that are designed to last for years to come.

以打造出经久耐穿的经典款式。



這句話似乎是誤譯。


中文是写得不错,但好像有点太过发挥,与原文意思有差距。
可以跟客户沟通一下,问清楚他到底是哪不满意?


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Ellen Xu
United States
Local time: 18:42
English to Chinese
TOPIC STARTER
问了,还没回信呢 Oct 18, 2007

我问了,让给我一个比较详细的comments,具体哪些地方是word by word translation。还有希望他们给我看看是怎么改的。不过他们还没有给我回信。

我觉得自己这次项目整体风格就是Tingting说的,可能发挥得有点点过,而不是word by word。结果被挑的主要毛病居然是这个。翻译公司的Pm是老外,也不懂中文,写信给我说To translate word by word is not a solution. 我这个冤啊。


要说到word by word, 只有这种比较短的单个phrase: selling point 卖点, summing it up:总结。这些是照着英文翻译过来的,但我觉得中文也这么说啊,我也确实想不出什么更花哨的说法。


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ysun  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 18:42
English to Chinese
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Just change two characters for your reference Oct 19, 2007

Ellen Xu wrote:

creating classics that are designed to last for years to come.

以打造出经久耐穿的经典款式。



“以打造出经久不衰的经典款式。”

I think the translation is very good in general. I don’t think it is a word-by-word translation.


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Ellen Xu
United States
Local time: 18:42
English to Chinese
TOPIC STARTER
对,就是经久不衰 Oct 19, 2007

就是经久不衰,当时这个词就是没想出来。

谢谢你的鼓励,说实话今天特别沮丧。自己辛苦绞尽脑汁做的东西,别人一句话就全盘推翻。


Yueyin Sun wrote:

Ellen Xu wrote:

creating classics that are designed to last for years to come.

以打造出经久耐穿的经典款式。



“以打造出经久不衰的经典款式。”

I think the translation is very good in general. I don’t think it is a word-by-word translation.


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pkchan  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 19:42
Member (2006)
English to Chinese
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先看看原文 Oct 19, 2007

"We produce our girls clothing using the same quality materials and attention to detail that has come to define our brand, creating classics that are designed to last for years to come." 寫得十分平庸,看不出是什麼名牌時裝廣告宣傳文字,在這個基礎上,無論功力怎樣,化裝師都要投降的。girls clothing 應不是『女童』服装,要出位就要寫成『少女時裝系列』,classics就譯成『典雅設計』,to last for years to come『引領時裝的潮流』。問他們需要的是什麼,寫這些東西往往是一分錢、一分貨,若是原文的水平低,就不要錯怪翻譯了。經驗告訴我們,思路對了,就能得心應手。


[Edited at 2007-10-19 02:09]


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Ellen Xu
United States
Local time: 18:42
English to Chinese
TOPIC STARTER
谢谢 Oct 19, 2007

谢谢您的指点。不过这个是童装系列(kids' clothing), 不是少女时装。


pkchan wrote:

"We produce our girls clothing using the same quality materials and attention to detail that has come to define our brand, creating classics that are designed to last for years to come." 寫得十分平庸,看不出是什麼名牌時裝廣告宣傳文字,在這個基礎上,無論功力怎樣,化裝師都要投降的。girls clothing 應不是『女童』服装,要出位就要寫成『少女時裝系列』,classics就譯成『典雅設計』,to last for years to come『引領時裝的潮流』。問他們需要的是什麼,寫這些東西往往是一分錢、一分貨,若是原文的水平低,就不要錯怪翻譯了。


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Ellen Xu
United States
Local time: 18:42
English to Chinese
TOPIC STARTER
补充一下 Oct 19, 2007

尺码表是:2岁到12、3岁的女孩子。所以应该是童装。

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Zhoudan  Identity Verified
Local time: 08:42
Member (2007)
English to Chinese
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可能是两个reviewer Oct 19, 2007

两人的口味不同,就会出现这种情况。俺曾经碰到过这种事情,一个reviewer是香港人,一个是上海人。第一阶段是香港人审稿,很满意。最后一批内容由上海人审稿,通不过,连香港reviewer批准的用词都改了,幸好PM懂中文,给客户打电话,说你们同样的内容采用两套标准,对我们不公平,这才没让一改再改。

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lbone  Identity Verified
China
Local time: 08:42
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应该是reviewer不同 Oct 19, 2007

我碰到过同样的事。

一份1000多字原文的英译中稿得到三次评价

1)第一次,翻译得太好了!
2)第二次,通篇术语错误,行文问题也很多,怀疑不是中国人翻译的。
3)第三次,术语都翻译对了,但行文还有不少需要改进。

是同一份稿,我什么都没干,每隔一段时间反馈变一次,PM自己不懂中文,只能听客户公司自己的reviewer瞎说,后来我想算了,88。

[Edited at 2007-10-19 02:56]


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xxxchance
French to Chinese
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老孙那两个字改得好,也更符合原文意思 Oct 19, 2007

不知道是否我太过时,我一看到“打造”、“经久不衰”、“经典”这种连串的过分夸张词汇就头疼,而且用得太多就烂了,反而起不到应有的效果。

就跟我们当年一个劲儿说“英明伟大”一样

一般讲,我总觉得台湾香港的说法比大陆更贴切舒服。

Yueyin Sun wrote:

Ellen Xu wrote:

creating classics that are designed to last for years to come.

以打造出经久耐穿的经典款式。



“以打造出经久不衰的经典款式。”

I think the translation is very good in general. I don’t think it is a word-by-word translation.


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请教:何为word-by-word translation?

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