Church Bulletins :-)
Thread poster: Nicole Schnell

Nicole Schnell  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 13:53
English to German
+ ...
Jul 18, 2011

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Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:


--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
----------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'
The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
----------- ---------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,'
Giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members
And to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church..
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'


 

Tomás Cano Binder, BA, CT  Identity Verified
Spain
Local time: 22:53
Member (2005)
English to Spanish
+ ...
Hilarious! Jul 18, 2011

Thanks for sharing!!!!!

 

Phil Hand  Identity Verified
China
Local time: 04:53
Chinese to English
Crying with laughter Jul 18, 2011

I'm a sucker for these. And many of them very translatable as well!
Thank you.


 

David Wright  Identity Verified
Austria
Local time: 22:53
German to English
+ ...
Ladies Bibiel Studies Jul 18, 2011

Is there a meaning of B.S. that I've missed somewhere?

 

Jaroslaw Michalak  Identity Verified
Poland
Local time: 22:53
Member (2004)
English to Polish
Yes, there is Jul 18, 2011

David Wright wrote:

Is there a meaning of B.S. that I've missed somewhere?


Reference:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bs


 

Tomás Cano Binder, BA, CT  Identity Verified
Spain
Local time: 22:53
Member (2005)
English to Spanish
+ ...
Oh my Jul 18, 2011

Jabberwock wrote:
David Wright wrote:
Is there a meaning of B.S. that I've missed somewhere?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bs

Thanks a million! I admit I did not get this one either. I reckon "b.s." was a bit far from the spiritual semantic fields....icon_wink.gif


 


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