Off topic: The bellissim' story of Cappuccett Red
Thread poster: Liliana Roman-Hamilton

Liliana Roman-Hamilton  Identity Verified
Local time: 19:47
English to Italian
Sep 11, 2006

Thread totalmente off-topic e puramente giocoso, per farvi passare qualche minuto spensierato....
Buona settimana settembrina!



THE BELLISSIM' STORY OF CAPPUCCETT RED

One mattin her mamma dissed: "Dear Cappuccett, take this cest to the nonn, but attention to the lup that is very ma very kattiv! And torn prest! Good luck! And in bocc at the lup!".

Cappuccett didn't cap very well this ultim thing but went away, da sol, with the cest.

Cammining cammining, in the cuor of the forest, at acert punt she incontered the lup, who dissed: "Hi! Piccula piezz'e girl! 'Ndove do you go?".

"To the nonn with this little cest, which is little but it is full of a sacc of chocolate and biscots and panettons and more and mirtills", she dissed.

"Ah, mannagg 'a Maruschella (maybe an _expression com: what a cul that had) dissed the lup, with a fium of saliv out of the bocc. And so the lup dissed:
"Beh, now I dev andar because the telephoninis squilling, sorry." And the lup went away, but not very away, but to the nonn's House.

Cappuccett Red, who was very ma very lent, lent un casin, continued for her sentier in the forest.

The lup arrived at the house, suoned the campanel, entered, and after saluting the nonn, magned her in a boccon. Then, after sputing the dentier, he indossed the ridicol night berret and fikked himself in the let. When
cappuccett Red came to the fint nonn's house, suoned and entered.

But when the little and stupid girl saw the nonn (non was the nonn, but the lup, ricord?) dissed: "But nonn, why do you stay in let?".

And the nonn-lup: "Oh, I've stort my cavigl doing aerobics!".

"Oh, poor nonn!", said Cappuccett (she was more than stupid, I think, wasn't she?).

Then she dissed: "But...what big okks you have! Do you bisogn some collir?".

"Oh, no! It's for see you better, my dear (stupid) little girl", dissed the nonn-lup.

Then cappuccett, who was more dur than a block of marm: "But what big oreks you have! Do you have the Orekkions?".

And the nonn-lup: "Oh, no! It is to ascolt you better".

And Cappuccett (that I think was now really rincoglionited) said: "But what big dents you have!".

And the lup, at this point dissed: "It is to magn you better!".

And magned really tutt quant the poor little girl.

But (tadah!) out of the house a simpatic, curious and innocent cacciator of frod sented all and dissed: "Accident! A lup! Its pellicc vals a sac of solds".

And so, spinted only for the compassion for the little girl, butted a terr many kils of volps, fringuells and conigls that he had ammazzed till that moment, imbracced the fucil, entered in the stanz and killed the lup. Then squarced his panz (being attent not to rovin the pellicc) and tired fora the nonn (still viv)and Cappuccett (still rincoglionited).

And so, at the end, the cacciator of frod vended the pellicc and guadagned honestly a sacc of solds.

The nonn magned tutt the leccornies that were in the cest. And so, everybody lived felix and content (maybe not the lup!).


[Subject edited by staff or moderator 2006-09-12 06:42]


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texjax DDS PhD  Identity Verified
Local time: 22:47
Member (2006)
English to Italian
+ ...
bellissim! Sep 12, 2006

Lilia', sei un mito!

Un bacione


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Italia77
Local time: 04:47
German to Italian
ho le lacrime Sep 12, 2006

che ridere..... te se massa forte!

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Claudia Luque Bedregal  Identity Verified
Italy
Local time: 04:47
English to Spanish
+ ...
grazie Lily! Sep 12, 2006

Ciao Lily!
Grazie per questa bellissim story!
Che ridere veramente!
un abbraccio
Claudia


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Gian
Italy
Local time: 04:47
English to Italian
+ ...
Cappuccett Red Sep 12, 2006

Very divertent!!!

Molto carina... ma già la conoscevo!
Vedere il forum sottoindicato



The bellissim' story of Cappuccett Red
Thread
Poster: Kaveri
15.10 2005

Comunque bisogna anche far divertire i nuovi arrivati.

Salutoni
Gian


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Angie Garbarino  Identity Verified
Local time: 04:47
Member (2003)
French to Italian
+ ...
Supenda!!! Sep 12, 2006

Girava anche a scuola, l'anno scorso.

Da morire dal ridere, ma secondo voi fra una ventina d'anni parleremo più o meno così?

Io credo di si ??????

Good nott I vad to dorm, my okks are quas chiused.

till doman !!


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Liliana Roman-Hamilton  Identity Verified
Local time: 19:47
English to Italian
TOPIC STARTER
un'altra storiella divertente Sep 12, 2006

Ecco un'altra storiella divertente che vi fara' sorridere, scritta dal bravo Riccardo Casini che negli anni 90 pubblico' un libricino fantastico chiamato "Nutella Nutellae", edito nel formato delle edizioni 1000 lire e vero inno alla Nutella.

Ho trovato l'incipit (scusate e' un po' lunga, ma godibilissima. Spero che il moderatore potra' perdonare qualche impropero dell'autore, che ho camuffato con $$) :


DE NUMEROSIBUS MODIS PER NUTELLAM MANDUCARE ATQUE STRAFOCARE IN OMNIBUS OCCASIONIBUS

Sbafatio Nutellae omnia divisa est in partes tres.
Unum: Sbafatio Normalis (ufficialis in prima colatione cum supervisione mammarum).
Duum: Sbafatio Peccaminosa atque Clandestina (sfructandum absentiam mammarum quae uscitae sunt ad spesam faciendam).
Trium: Sbafatio Hitchcock, ad altissimum rischium sputtanandi esse (ovverum quando Nutella sbafada est clandestiniter mamma praesens in alterum locum in casa, et habet suos ca$$os faciendos, sed ab uno momento ad alterum retornare potest in cucina).

CAPITOLUS PRIMUM
Sbafatio Normalis
Clarum est quae Prima Colatio, mamma observante et controllante, apportare potest goduriam relativam: quantae volte filius giungit ad tabulam credendo videre fettes paninorum integralium et invicem sunt panini normali supra quos mamma spalmavit stratum simbolicum Nutellae, carta velina similantem, quae causat colorationem beigem et quindi effectum opticum paninibus integralibus.
Mammae fixate sunt Nutellam male facere ad panciam et propterea quod semper volunt tenere in oculo filios magnantes Nutellam et (loro stesse) spalmant fetta per fettam.
Sed quaesitum spontaneum nascit: si mamma vae semper dicunt filium ormai est diventato magno, est hora ut sibi faciat lettum in camera da solum, est hora ut sibi faciat unum lavorum, ut sibi faciat unam familiam, ut sibi faciat unam casam, quia mannaggia la mortem non sibi potest facere da solum paninos quoque?
I panini nullo modo! Paninos non se li potest facere; paupertate suina! (Porca miseria!). Paninos cum Nutella facit semper mamma!
Difficilissimus est, quando mamma preparat panem atque Nutellam, distinguere paninos iam preparatos a paninis qui preparaturi sunt: in facto Nutella spalmata tantum poca est quae quasi non si notat differentiam. Et hac res accadit poiche' mamma pensat sbafationem esageratam Nutellae directa causa esse tropporum sestertiorum qui spendituri sunt in Clearasil Topexanque. Et nos d'accordum quoque fuissimus, si postea mamma ipsa filios non rimpinzasset cum alteris micidialibus schifezzis, typus Medagliones Pollorum Manzotin, Simmenthal carnes, Spunti' que et qui plus ne habet plus ne mettat: totae res quae habent plus colorantes et conservantes lorum, quae facies Marinae Ripa Meanae atque Sandra Milii quando se truccant.
Ad hoc punto, normalis est insinuatio in capoccia filii desiderium vindictae atque rappresagliae nazistae similem: per ogni singulum cucchiainum Nutellae negatum causa mammae, decem cucchiainos magnaturi sunt cum sbafationibus clandestinis.

CAPITOLUS SECUNDUM
Sbafatio Peccaminosa Atque Clandestina
Conditio sine qua non per exercitare Sbafationem Peccaminosam atque Clandestinam est "Absentia Mammae".
Purtroppum, sicut omnes cognoscunt, quando filius habet irrefrenabilem libidinem Nutellae, mamma semper praesens est infra scatolas.
Isti momenti sfructandi possunt ad individuandum secretum nascondilium Nutellae. Individuato nascondilio, cum dovuta calma attendere debetur uscitam mammae. Extremae importantiae res est agire subito postea uscitam mammae, quia absentia potest esse durata longa aut brevis.
Trovato barattolo in remoto mobile cucinae, occultatum a barriera protectionis mammistica, formata ab falange multiplae filae barattolorum Pelatorum, Fagiolorum, Confetturae Fructae, absolutamente debetur rimembrare esactum ordinem cum quo si spostant omnes barattolos antistantes Nutellam, quia, postea, totum debet esse remissum exactamente sicut erat: quasi semper, in facto, mammae habent piantinam disposictionis barattolorum in mobile et, appena tornatae, controllant...
Haec Sbafatio Clandestina difficiliter sgamata ab mamma, a meno quod non accadeat aliqua tragica fatalitas causa totalium sputtanamentorum:

Tragedia prima.
Sputtanamentum Automobilisticum: mamma est appena uscita, et filius fiondaturus est supra Nutellam, sed inaspectata-mente, mamma retro venit quia dimenticata fuit chiavi centoventisettis, et filius colto est cum quattuor ditis affondatis in barattolo; Tragedia secunda.
Sputtanamentum Equilibristicum: captum ab attacco godimenti Nutellico, filius, in praecario equilibrio super sgabellinum (utilem ut raggiungat altissimum pensilem) facit mossam falsam causando totalem crollum totorum barattolorum in mobilem atque conseguentem drammaticam mischiationem ordinis precostituiti.
Unica possibilitas ad sgamatos non esse ab mamma est simulare movimentum sismicum octavo grado scalae Mercallorum, sed sperantiae quae mamma abboccat minime sunt, a minus quod rincoglionita totaliter fuisse;
Tragedia tertia.
Sputtanamentum familiare: in bel mezzum sbafationis arribat fratellinus minor secchionis atque un minimum cacaca$$us, qui ricattare potest fratellum grandem in saecula seculorum.

CAPITOLUS TERTIUM
Sbafatio Hitchcockiana
Sine dubium, hac sbafatio est plus difficilis atque rischiosa et est ultima possibilitas rimasta filio disperato si crisis abstinentiae est profunda et mamma non habet minimam ideam uscendi ab casa. Technicae usandae demandatae sunt ad sensibilitatem atque alto grado seafationis filii; professionalitas ognunorum est in ballo: honor categoriae Sbafatorum Clandestinorum salvandus est. Unicum consilium ut filius evitet clamorosas figuras ex sterco est tendere orecchium typum Star Trek ut si advertat eventualem appropinquamentum passorum mammae (Se nella vostra domo habete moquettem, fottutis siete ad novantaquinque per centum). In omni modo, in generale, necesse est non indugiare troppo in magico momento estasis Nutella raggiunta. Ad Sbafationem Hitchcockiana suggerita est tattica "Na botta e via".
Eh! Quod mazzum ut si raggiungeat minimam dosem giornalieram Nutellae!

CAPITOLUS QUARTIUS
Sbafatio Peccaminosa Atque Clandestina
In omni modo, fermo restante, a parte filii, generalis rodimento deretani, ultimi quaesiti nascunt: mammae, ma si perfinus per drogam lex previdit modicam quantitatem... mammae, cur estis sic cacaca$$i cum fillis tantum cum Nutella?
Et non vi transeat manco per anticameram materiae cerebralis si filius returnans ad domus ammaccavit macchinam subito retirata ab carrozziere mattina antecedente; et non vobis ne potest fregare minimum se filius in pagella habet votos similes temperaturibus minimae Bolzanii; et non vi passat manco po' ca$$um se amici filii sunt brutti ceffi absolute minime raccomandabiles inter quos famigeratus Peppe, notissimus per spacciationem substantiarum vietatissimarum ab lege (Inter parentesis, vos mammae benissimo cognoscete quia vendit vobis moltiplices qualitates herbarum ab Marocco provenientes) et ponemus petram supram; sed dico ego, proprio cum Nutella vobis ispiratis ad ca$$um cacandi? Ma dateve na regolatam!

MORALIS ISTAE FABULAE
Mammae, vobis chiedemus
cum voce ab plancto rupta
cacciate 'sta Nutellam


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Emanuela Clodomiro  Identity Verified
Italy
Local time: 04:47
Member (2007)
English to Italian
+ ...
che dire.... Sep 18, 2006

mi sono piegata in due dalle risate ma sentite un pò cosa ho trovato su un opuscolo relativo ad uno spettacolo che ho visto qualche giorno fa.

Questa è la traduzione in inglese, sono sicura che non vi servirà la versione italiana per capire. Sono tre brevi spiegazioni dei monologhi che l'attrice ha interpretato.


THE FAIRY AND THE FISHBONE
"In the old reign of Naples there was a terrrible epidemic that spread. The king was afraid about the health of his only son, the sole heir, he moved himself and his family to a little town near the Sila.
They lived in a caslte in the summit of a mountain, as time passed, the prince was very sad.
One day the servant saw a small house the distance in the valley and she saw a human figure moving. The curious servant knocked the door and she saw by the lock a female hand. When she arrived back at the castle she said that she met a beautiful youg girl and the prince then began to daydream about her and the following day he send his servant to ask her hand in marriage. He fixed the day of the wedding but there was no a beutiful girl who really lived, there was...."


MATIUZZA AND THE HIGHWAYMEN
"History that in the town of Catanzaro forty highwaymen were tried and condemned. The nuns of the convent of Catanzaro brought up an orphan, her name was Mariuzza. One night, when she was going to ring the bells for the Vespers, discovered the highwaymen's hiding-place. She was brave and wanted to face up to them. One night, when they were sleeping, she spread their buttock with a cream made of chocolate, flour and water, an other night she cut the drunk leader's ear. The humiliated highwaymen wanted to get revenge...."


LISA AND THE WIZARD
"In a small village of Calabria lived a poor and sick widow that everyday sent her only doughter to pick herbs and wild fruits in order to survive. One day when she was pulling a vegetable it wouldn't come out of the ground, she then ralised that she wasn't pulling a vegetable but it was a man's ear, he was asleep in the grass, after waking him, the ugly old man said..."

Che dire........ Naturalmente gli spelling mistakes (se vogliamo essere buoni) sono compresi nel pacchetto.

Tutto questo perchè? Perchè la gente non crede nel nostro lavoro, non vuole spendere niente a scapito della qualità e crede che conoscere due parole d'inglese significa essere in grado di fare una traduzione. Ma dove finiremo!!???


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