Off topic: How To Treat Your Local Supermarket
Thread poster: Cristina Lo Bianco

Cristina Lo Bianco  Identity Verified
Local time: 21:49
Member (2008)
English to Italian
+ ...
Oct 31, 2009


I received this from an Italian translators mailing list.
Maybe you know it already, but it is too funny to miss it!


How To Treat Your Local Supermarket
by Wilmer Brouwer

Dear owner of my local supermarket,

You are probably really happy to have me as your custormer. Here are
some simple rules to keep me as a customer:

a) Please add everything I buy to my bill
b) Please send an invoice once a month at the end of the month for
everything I buy
c) I will pay every invoice after 60 days
d) I will start counting those days at the end of the month in which
you send the invoice
e) I will pay on my payment date, which happens to be the 15th of
every month (don't complain, it could be the 30th!)
f) I decide what I pay for your products
g) If I buy the same product twice I will pay only half for the
second product
h) If I buy a lot I decide what reduction you will give
i) Please also give me an extra reduction because it's a crisis
j) I only pay on PayPal

I hope you know how lucky you are that I am still your customer!

Don't expect me to thank you, you probably know how many supermarkets
there are and some of them are a lot cheaper than you! I will let you
know if I think of any other rules in the future to keep our
cooperation as perfect as possible!

Kind regards,
Your customer

P.S.: I will demand discounts for fuzzies, e.g. white bread/brown
bread, as the oven was already warm, there was already someone working
on that anyway, so why treat it as two completely separate products
and pay full price?

I even encouraged my local supermarket to buy a really expensive extra
large oven for baking more bread at the same time so all their
customers can claim this reduction. And yes, we do expect them to
completely transfer any profit this might bring to us as customers.
For some reason my local supermarket didn't understand that this will
be profitable for them too. The main reason is of course that I refuse
to buy their bread if they don't have that oven.


Have a nice week-end,

[Subject edited by staff or moderator 2010-02-05 10:08 GMT]


Andreja Ciković  Identity Verified
English to Croatian
+ ...
:-) Oct 31, 2009


Thank you for making me laugh!

Have a nice weekend too!


Lucinda Hollenberg  Identity Verified
Local time: 17:49
Dutch to English
+ ...
Your local supermarket Oct 31, 2009


Thanks for brightening my weekend.


Georgina Wiersma  Identity Verified
Local time: 21:49
English to Dutch
+ ...
Thanks for making me laugh! Oct 31, 2009

It's really a sad story, but thanks anyway!


Williamson  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 20:49
Flemish to English
+ ...
The translation supermarket Nov 1, 2009

Why does this make me think of the "translation supermarket?


whither has fle
Local time: 21:49
French to English
Qui c'est qui te parle de bénéfices.....? Nov 1, 2009

"For some reason my local supermarket didn't understand that this will
be profitable for them too"

So, like.....emmm.... they think they are supposed to be making a profit or something?

Thanks for expressing the irony of it so well!

Have a good week.

[Edited at 2009-11-01 18:27 GMT]

[Edited at 2009-11-01 18:28 GMT]


Dubravka Hrastovec  Identity Verified
Local time: 21:49
English to Croatian
+ ...
:-D Nov 24, 2009

This gave me a really good laugh!icon_biggrin.gif


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