Off topic: Poorly Written and Misspelled Classified Ads
Thread poster: Andrei Albu

Andrei Albu  Identity Verified
Local time: 13:28
Member (2002)
English to Romanian
+ ...
Jun 17, 2004

I am sure most, if not all of you, must have encountered such funnies. Maybe not these..., collected by Maurizio Mariotti.
Enjoy and think of the challenge of translating them into various other languages, just for the sake of funicon_wink.gif

2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234.
Leave mess.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by
waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to
take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim
in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.
Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots
of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to fly.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and
smacks included.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll
never go anywhere again.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross
and salary.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume
general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth
of family.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for


Marianela Melleda  Identity Verified
Local time: 08:28
English to Spanish
+ ...
Very funny Jun 17, 2004

Thanks Andrei for the good laugh. I had a very good time reading them.



Javier Herrera (X)
Flat for rent Jun 17, 2004

Sorry no DHS/pets.


Henry Hinds  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 04:28
English to Spanish
+ ...
Worth Money Jun 18, 2004

I don't know if you have ever heard of him in Romania, but we have a man here by the name of Jay Leno who would pay you good money for this stuff!


Jack Doughty  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 11:28
Member (2000)
Russian to English
+ ...
Saw one myself the other day Jun 18, 2004

Headline in the "Daily Telegraph"
After briefly wondering why the Government should care if I fancied a fried egg on top of a slice of Spam, I read the article and found that the Government is speeding up plans for a ban on unwanted emails.


Sol  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 06:28
Spanish to English
+ ...
Oh, man, you made me cry! Jun 19, 2004

My kids came running when they heard me laughing out loud! These are hilarious! Thanks!!!


United States
Local time: 06:28
English to Spanish
+ ...
really funny :-) Jun 20, 2004

I like the one with the menu special haha!


Shahab Arif  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 11:28
Pashto (Pushto) to English
+ ...
Great Stuff Jun 21, 2004

Really enjoyed.Thanks for making us laugh:))


Paul Dixon  Identity Verified
Local time: 08:28
Portuguese to English
+ ...
New Joke - Hotel Notice Jun 22, 2004

I would like to add one more bit of humour (this one actually a sign in a hotel lobby):

The waitress will give you a bill and you may sign her on the backside.


Andrei Albu  Identity Verified
Local time: 13:28
Member (2002)
English to Romanian
+ ...
Thank you, Paul, Jun 22, 2004

for contributing. This gave me an idea. What would you all say if we developed this into a real collection of (funny) poorly written and misspelled classified ads? Would anyone know of an outlet willing to publish such a collection?

Have a good day (or night) everybody.


Local time: 12:28
Member (2003)
English to Danish
+ ...
Indeed funny; here are some more! Jun 27, 2004

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were
discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an
'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.

In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a
person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by
national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the
boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy
dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose;
beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.

A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that
people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live
together in one tent unless they are married with each other
for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby
be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon
having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed
as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable
food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are
best in the long run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your
room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.


Margarita Palatnik (X)  Identity Verified
Local time: 08:28
Spanish to English
+ ...
Get rid of aunts Jul 12, 2004

[quote]Andrei Albu wrote:

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

How long for the mother-in-law?


Margarita Palatnik (X)  Identity Verified
Local time: 08:28
Spanish to English
+ ...
another sign Jul 12, 2004

A sign-board on the street in a Turkish tourist spot:

Enemies of the mosquitos on sale here


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